The Student Room Group

I have come to the end of my tether...

Please keep anon or delete.

I have posted on here a few times and I'm sorry if this post sounds repetitive or similar to other posts in H&R.

I hate who I have become. I hate myself with a passion and I think I'm beginning to hate other people, too. I know hate is a strong word but I don't know how else to describe it.

I hate the fact that some people can be happy but others can't. I used to feel happy for them but now I just envy what they have. I see ****bags enjoying life and it doesn't seem fair.

I hate the fact that people discredit of downgrade depression. People who refer to depressed people as 'weak' or 'lazy' (or whatever insult springs to mind) are delusional, insensitive and do not deserve to live in today's society. I know there are people who have been 'depressed' and, now that they are better they can say that it was all down to willpower but, from where I am now I can say that that is complete and utter *******s. You cannot 'will' yourself better. Sure, you can take up a hobby, make different life-style choices, receive counselling and get yourself drugged up to the eyeballs... but to throw this in someone's face... to say, if only you did this or that then you would feel better is completely insulting. You are, in every sense, presupposing and insinuating that they haven't tried hard enough or - and **** does this annoy me - that they don't want to get better.

I don't see the point in life and I'm slowly losing my ability to believe in humanity. I am usually a very caring and considerate person but, at this point in time, I really don't see the point. People may not remember me for making a difference on this ****ty planet but, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. We will all die soon anyway so why the hell can't I enjoy the life I have left? It seems impossible.
*sighs* Oh dear!
Reply 2
I'm not sure that your brand of tough love is going to help the OP. Assuming that is, that you are trying to help.

EDIT: The guy that this comment was directed at has had his posts deleted, I think.
Reply 3
geetar
I'm not sure that your brand of tough love is going to help the OP. Assuming that is, that you are trying to help.


I think if people need real help for severe depression then TSR isn't the place to get constructive support. If the problems are as serious as the OP says then they will need more than sympathy from other TSR users, and they will certinaly not benefit from the inevitable unsympathetic comments that many will make.
Anonymous
I hate the fact that people discredit of downgrade depression. People who refer to depressed people as 'weak' or 'lazy' (or whatever insult springs to mind) are delusional, insensitive and do not deserve to live in today's society. I know there are people who have been 'depressed' and, now that they are better they can say that it was all down to willpower but, from where I am now I can say that that is complete and utter *******s. You cannot 'will' yourself better. Sure, you can take up a hobby, make different life-style choices, receive counselling and get yourself drugged up to the eyeballs... but to throw this in someone's face... to say, if only you did this or that then you would feel better is completely insulting. You are, in every sense, presupposing and insinuating that they haven't tried hard enough or - and **** does this annoy me - that they don't want to get better.

I don't see the point in life and I'm slowly losing my ability to believe in humanity. I am usually a very caring and considerate person but, at this point in time, I really don't see the point. People may not remember me for making a difference on this ****ty planet but, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. We will all die soon anyway so why the hell can't I enjoy the life I have left? It seems impossible.

I agree that people still don't like acknowledge depression as an actual disease, if you can't see it it's not there right? :rolleyes: It pisses me off, hence why I have been forced to keep my mouth shut about what this darkness is doing to me inside. I don't understand why people hate themselves, I think I am more of the opposite, I don't hate myself yet I hate everyone else. I think once you start hating yourself, it's very hard to turn things around. As bad as you may be feeling, I have faith that things can improve for you. Yeah some suggestions to help are a bit weak but some work, not foreveryone though. You just have to find the right thing. I've improved, but I have no idea why, comes down to my thinking I presume, but I still fall very hard sometimes. And don't think that life is about maiing a big difference, if you just make a difference to one persons like you have done enough.
Ok due to the negative rep someone gave me for my previous comment on this thread, I am now going to give a long winded explanation of what my previous comment meant.

Ok depression, if you have severe depression (like my step mum) I see it like cycle, for her it is she is depressed because she is fat…. Because she eats because she is depressed…. Because she is fat (yes this is blunt. Sorry). Consequently I do know it had devastating effects on her self confidence and her motivation to do anything. The only reason I said “oh dear” is i have no idea why you have came to TSR looking for professional advice and strong emotional support, you need a doctor for advice and family and close friends for the support. I hope you all the best.
Charlie x
Anonymous
Please keep anon or delete.

I have posted on here a few times and I'm sorry if this post sounds repetitive or similar to other posts in H&R.

I hate who I have become. I hate myself with a passion and I think I'm beginning to hate other people, too. I know hate is a strong word but I don't know how else to describe it.

I hate the fact that some people can be happy but others can't. I used to feel happy for them but now I just envy what they have. I see ****bags enjoying life and it doesn't seem fair.

I hate the fact that people discredit of downgrade depression. People who refer to depressed people as 'weak' or 'lazy' (or whatever insult springs to mind) are delusional, insensitive and do not deserve to live in today's society. I know there are people who have been 'depressed' and, now that they are better they can say that it was all down to willpower but, from where I am now I can say that that is complete and utter *******s. You cannot 'will' yourself better. Sure, you can take up a hobby, make different life-style choices, receive counselling and get yourself drugged up to the eyeballs... but to throw this in someone's face... to say, if only you did this or that then you would feel better is completely insulting. You are, in every sense, presupposing and insinuating that they haven't tried hard enough or - and **** does this annoy me - that they don't want to get better.

I don't see the point in life and I'm slowly losing my ability to believe in humanity. I am usually a very caring and considerate person but, at this point in time, I really don't see the point. People may not remember me for making a difference on this ****ty planet but, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. We will all die soon anyway so why the hell can't I enjoy the life I have left? It seems impossible.


Life does seem hard sometimes. I can empahise. It is often hard to break the cycle to get out of depression,, and in some cases, having a hobby or having a different lifestyle can do nothing for the person. We, who have depression, like you said cannot will ourselvs to get better. it is incredibly hard. sometimes we need support

Life can seem pointless all the time. I understand this, but this is no reason to give it up. I'm not saying things will get better, as i can make no guarantees, but they may do. Cling to hope. ye, it may let us down a hell of a lot but we must try. not just for us, but our friends, family and everyone around us. I am not calling you selfish, far from it. I'm saying, keep going, you never know whats going to happen next.


Have you spoken to your GP. they might be able to help. they have several methods of tackelling depression. PM if you need anything else hun
xxx
Reply 7
I don't want sympathy. I just want to talk.

Charlie, I'm not fat. Clinical depression and being depressed because you are overweight is not the same thing. I can't believe you want the best for me as your first post was pointless and smacks of immaturity and ignorance.

Herbal - I have spoken to my GP, I’m on meds and I am seeing a counsellor.

Crazster, **** off.
Reply 8
Apologies to Charlie. I don't know you and I don't know your mum. I didn't mean to snap. Your first post just got to me, a little.
Anonymous
Apologies to Charlie. I don't know you and I don't know your mum. I didn't mean to snap. Your first post just got to me, a little.


Ok Thank you for the apology, and your right i don’t know your situation, but many of live through depression in one way or another. x
Reply 10
Could someone delete my post. Thanks.
If you want someone to discuss this from, your emotions won't be effectively offloaded on the internet, have you tried calling the samaritans? Or seeing a counsellor.

You obviously have depression, and i think sitting on the internet will not help you on the slightest, i could sit here writing support etc but i know it won't have the same effect as telling you myself.
Reply 12
anna_spanner89
If you want someone to discuss this from, your emotions won't be effectively offloaded on the internet, have you tried calling the samaritans? Or seeing a counsellor.

You obviously have depression, and i think sitting on the internet will not help you on the slightest, i could sit here writing support etc but i know it won't have the same effect as telling you myself.


You're probably right. I don't sit on the net all day, though. . . I do *do* things. I have tried talking to the samaritans.

I know this is totally unrelated but you are a spitting image of my friend, Anna-Marie who also calls herself Anna or Spanner :p:. She is older than you, though.
Hmm I used to think like this, especially the whole "we are all gonna die at some point, so why not just make it now?" thing. I used to not be so much suicidal but just be really risky cos I didn't care, like not looking when I crossed the road and stuff... "just in case". But after being depressed for years and years I think it was just basically accepting myself that changed things the most, I mean I still get depressed but it's no where near as bad. I know that sounds really easy to say but it was just time that did the trick from me. Also, changing the situation. If you are a teenager it is probably something you will grow out of as most teenagers experience some form of depression, growing up is tough. So just hang on is all I can say... yeah, loads of people say ooh do exercise, eat healthily, have a hobby and you will suddenly not be depressed, this can work in the short term but it's the long term changes that make a difference. For me, it was finishing school when I started to feel better because the situation changed and it was like making a "fresh start". Also, once I was alone sitting on the bus and I had a revelation, it was incredible!! I thought, what if there is someone on the bus right now with a bomb, ready to blow up the bus. Many times before if I had thought that I would have been thinking "I reaally hope there is someone on the bus right now ready to blow it up so that I can just goddamn DIE" but this time, something changed and I panicked, for the first time in years I thought "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!". I suddenly realised that dying at 16 is a bit of a **** thing to do. I thought "I don't want to die like this, I don't want to die so unhappy and so gross, I don't want to be lying in that coffin with everyone pitying me thinking "Oh poor Issi, she was so depressed and fat, never had a boyfriend, no one ever loved her, and now her life is gone" Remember: you have all the time in the world to make things right!! If not now, then start tomorrow but DON'T GIVE UP HOPE because that's the worst thing to do!! Someone once said to me years ago, when I was starting to get depressed "No one can love you until you love yourself" which is true in a way! I mean of course you get friends and families and admirers but it's only when you accept yourself and think "actually, I am quite sexy and nice and considerate so whoever doesn't think that can go screw themselves!!" So really, I know it sounds easy to say but stop with this attitude of losing faith in humanity because all that's really happened is you are wondering so much why you can't be like everyone else that you've forgotton that you AREN'T everyone else, you are YOU and you can be whoever you want to be (haha, cheesy!!) so you say you hate the person you have become, well become someone else!! Ok, I realise that this reply might not make much sense so sorry if it doesn't :s-smilie: I really do mean well!! And if you ever wanna chat, just message me and I'll show you that you are cool cos I tend to think EVERYONE is good (not always a good quality!! :s-smilie:) buutt yeah, good luck :biggrin:
Reply 14
....Your free!