I currently go to one of the best private schools in the country, but in the past year, I've begun to feel so unhappy there and so suffocated by it. I'm in year 11 and will be getting my GCSE results in a few days and I don't know whether or not to move to a state sixth form college, where, although the teaching might not be as good, I might be happy.
I'm very introverted and struggle with making friends and this past year, my best friend has decided to ditch me completely. Although I have other friends I'm not as close to them and it can feel so crushingly lonely especially being an only child with no other family except my parents. I would be moving from a single sex girls' school with about 80 in a year to a mixed with 800 per year. One thing I'm lucky about is that I've never faced bullying and I'm terrified that if I move to such a big school then that may happen, or it could be the best choice of my life and I could end up with real friends who actually care for me and whom I could go out with.
On the other hand, the teaching at my current school is so good. I want to do History, Art and English Lit and both my history and english teachers are amazing and the syllabus is so much better than the college. The art at my current school is good, but probably better at the college, and I want to do art at Edinburgh University and as a career. Both my parents support whatever I decide, but my mum wants me to stay and my dad wants me to go.
I'm incredibly shy, and particularly over the last year, when I had two panic attacks at the thought of going into school and having to face everything, coming home and being able to have an escape is the only thing that kept me going. So the thought of going to uni is terrifying to me, but I want to do it and be able to be more independent and grow up, but I feel as though if I stay I'd never be able to face that, which is another reason I feel I need to go, although my mum thinks I wouldn't get in to Edinburgh if I leave as the school isn't as good.
So should I leave the amazing teaching and safety feeling my current school provides, even though it leaves me to coming home crying, and move to somewhere the teaching isn't as good but I could really be happy, even though it comes with the huge risk that it might actually be worse?