Gay Porn, OCD, Addicition Personality Disorder

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
Hi everyone, Can someone please have a look at the below and let me know what you think if possible please ...I didn't get any response to my first post and I'm growing increasingly anxious Firstly, apologies in advance for the long post. I recently stumbled across this website after doing some research in various issues that I have been having in my life throughout the previous 10 years and any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. I have been struggling with addicition for the best part of my life (I'm 25) and only over the past few years has this actually arisen to the surface and over the past 6 months I have really been trying to make sense of a lot of things in my life previously and at present. Without explaining much surrounding the turbulence in my life as a child with parents splitting in my early teens, slight anxiety issues amongst other things I would like to explain why I've ended up here on this site. I have recently found myself extremely addicted to porn and masturabtion to the extent that it's beginning to take a great toll on my mental health. I started masturbating probably at around the age of 11 years old.....rough estimate. It was something that after I did this once, pretty much continued on mostly a daily basis without very little intervals in between and this obviously progressed to it's natural course and I began watching porn. To cut a long story short the porn then lead to gay porn, other sexual acts and gay trades on Snapchat, etc. which has been more recently. Now I'm a typical lad and consider myself to be straight. I have a girlfriend that I love so much and want to grow up, get married, have kids, etc. but struggle to understand why I'm so turned on with gay porn. I'm not homophobic but I don't see myself as gay or want to be gay and after researching some further information, fear that I may be suffering from HOCD.

I have been diagnosed with Addictive Personality Disorder by my Counsellor and have had previous addiction such as smoking, binge drinking, gambling and marjauana. These addicitions all happened in my early teens just after my parents split and it really was a rough split which I do blame partly for my onset of anxiety that followed. Now here is the thing that I have spoken to my Counsellor about and he considers me to be pretty normal. I vaguely remember when I was around 6 or 7 me and one of my friends being naked in his bedroom i.e. pulling trousers down, etc and he lay on top of me but we heard someone coming and quickly dodged any further action but given the age of us you could say nothing would have happened even at experimentation stage as none of us could possibly get erect, etc. and my Counsellor stated this can be completely normal behaviour at this age. Also, furthermore there was one of my best friends, when I was 13/14 and mid puberty, he would always be pretending he was having sex with me, typical teenage boy stuff, grabbing my ****, lying on top of me.....now the thing is this really turned me on giving I was mid-puberty, hormones flying everywhere and curious to say the least.....he even masturbated in the same bed as me once under the covers....just for me to go home and jack one off after being so turned on given the situation Now I did get to the stage that I was enjoying this and given my age and no sexual experiences under my belt, the excitement got to me!

But, as I say I consider myself to be straight. I still watch straight porn and get as turned on by this but to be honest I'm guessing shoe me any type of porn and I'll be erect and ready to go. I still get turned on when I see hot girls in the street, etc. and when I'm having sex with my girlfriend so no problems there. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have noted that this could possibly be a dual diagnosis of addicitions and other forms of behaviour. There is a history of depression, alcoholics, issues with my family......dad and brother. This all really kicked off at the beginning of the year after quitting smoking and I hit serious depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. I started smoking again and recently quit yet again now 10 weeks cold turkey but honestly it may be the inner addict speaking but smoking was a large part of my life and as silly as it seems I have considered starting again because of the issues I am having. Throughout my life it seems as though one addicition replaces another constantly and I am always bored and never contempt.

I guess I wanted to ask a few questions to anyone in a similar situation or anyone that feels they can offer some advice: 1. Is it perfectly normal to revert to gay porn after the experiences I have noted and my current addiction issues. 2. Am I suffering from OCD? 2. Is it worth trying for no PMO or trying to limit the situation as best I can? 3. Should I attempt to quit 'a healthy' experience in masturbation? 5. Is it possible I'm suffering from OCD, constantly thinking the same thought process and this is leading to compulsions? 6. Should I smoke again to combat the lonely feelings and feeling of boredom to relieve being in the house thinking about porn and masturbation? I am currently masturbating around 7-8 times per day sometimes less at around 3-4 and as much as it shames me to say this has escalated to masturbating at work, cyber sex with other males, even whilst driving....yes I know!!!

I gave up marjauana years back, I recently after many years of struggling stopped gambling and I'm around 6 months without a gamble and trying to cut back on alcohol. I also stopped smoking but can never give myself any credit. Am I trying to stop too many things at once? I also suffer from intrusive thoughts about people close to be, rumination, death, etc when my anxiety is really high. Thoughts about harming myself or people close to me. I will continue to attend physcotherapy to get to the bottom of my issues as I have learnt a lot about myself since attenting but still fighting with my inner demons at present and this needs to get sorted pronto, I'm putting in the effort but **** knows sometimes where I am heading!! My Counsellor does not think this is OCD whereas I think after some research that it possible could be.....but who am I to diagnose. I really am struggling at the moment and don't know where to turn to. Any help, honestly would be greatly appreciated.
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
Ha.... GAYYYYYY! No but in all seriousness you need to accept that you're gay and stop reducing it to an addictive disorder.
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Ciel.
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#3
Report 2 years ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone, Can someone please have a look at the below and let me know what you think if possible please ...I didn't get any response to my first post and I'm growing increasingly anxious Firstly, apologies in advance for the long post. I recently stumbled across this website after doing some research in various issues that I have been having in my life throughout the previous 10 years and any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. I have been struggling with addicition for the best part of my life (I'm 25) and only over the past few years has this actually arisen to the surface and over the past 6 months I have really been trying to make sense of a lot of things in my life previously and at present. Without explaining much surrounding the turbulence in my life as a child with parents splitting in my early teens, slight anxiety issues amongst other things I would like to explain why I've ended up here on this site. I have recently found myself extremely addicted to porn and masturabtion to the extent that it's beginning to take a great toll on my mental health. I started masturbating probably at around the age of 11 years old.....rough estimate. It was something that after I did this once, pretty much continued on mostly a daily basis without very little intervals in between and this obviously progressed to it's natural course and I began watching porn. To cut a long story short the porn then lead to gay porn, other sexual acts and gay trades on Snapchat, etc. which has been more recently. Now I'm a typical lad and consider myself to be straight. I have a girlfriend that I love so much and want to grow up, get married, have kids, etc. but struggle to understand why I'm so turned on with gay porn. I'm not homophobic but I don't see myself as gay or want to be gay and after researching some further information, fear that I may be suffering from HOCD.

I have been diagnosed with Addictive Personality Disorder by my Counsellor and have had previous addiction such as smoking, binge drinking, gambling and marjauana. These addicitions all happened in my early teens just after my parents split and it really was a rough split which I do blame partly for my onset of anxiety that followed. Now here is the thing that I have spoken to my Counsellor about and he considers me to be pretty normal. I vaguely remember when I was around 6 or 7 me and one of my friends being naked in his bedroom i.e. pulling trousers down, etc and he lay on top of me but we heard someone coming and quickly dodged any further action but given the age of us you could say nothing would have happened even at experimentation stage as none of us could possibly get erect, etc. and my Counsellor stated this can be completely normal behaviour at this age. Also, furthermore there was one of my best friends, when I was 13/14 and mid puberty, he would always be pretending he was having sex with me, typical teenage boy stuff, grabbing my ****, lying on top of me.....now the thing is this really turned me on giving I was mid-puberty, hormones flying everywhere and curious to say the least.....he even masturbated in the same bed as me once under the covers....just for me to go home and jack one off after being so turned on given the situation Now I did get to the stage that I was enjoying this and given my age and no sexual experiences under my belt, the excitement got to me!

But, as I say I consider myself to be straight. I still watch straight porn and get as turned on by this but to be honest I'm guessing shoe me any type of porn and I'll be erect and ready to go. I still get turned on when I see hot girls in the street, etc. and when I'm having sex with my girlfriend so no problems there. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have noted that this could possibly be a dual diagnosis of addicitions and other forms of behaviour. There is a history of depression, alcoholics, issues with my family......dad and brother. This all really kicked off at the beginning of the year after quitting smoking and I hit serious depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. I started smoking again and recently quit yet again now 10 weeks cold turkey but honestly it may be the inner addict speaking but smoking was a large part of my life and as silly as it seems I have considered starting again because of the issues I am having. Throughout my life it seems as though one addicition replaces another constantly and I am always bored and never contempt.

I guess I wanted to ask a few questions to anyone in a similar situation or anyone that feels they can offer some advice: 1. Is it perfectly normal to revert to gay porn after the experiences I have noted and my current addiction issues. 2. Am I suffering from OCD? 2. Is it worth trying for no PMO or trying to limit the situation as best I can? 3. Should I attempt to quit 'a healthy' experience in masturbation? 5. Is it possible I'm suffering from OCD, constantly thinking the same thought process and this is leading to compulsions? 6. Should I smoke again to combat the lonely feelings and feeling of boredom to relieve being in the house thinking about porn and masturbation? I am currently masturbating around 7-8 times per day sometimes less at around 3-4 and as much as it shames me to say this has escalated to masturbating at work, cyber sex with other males, even whilst driving....yes I know!!!

I gave up marjauana years back, I recently after many years of struggling stopped gambling and I'm around 6 months without a gamble and trying to cut back on alcohol. I also stopped smoking but can never give myself any credit. Am I trying to stop too many things at once? I also suffer from intrusive thoughts about people close to be, rumination, death, etc when my anxiety is really high. Thoughts about harming myself or people close to me. I will continue to attend physcotherapy to get to the bottom of my issues as I have learnt a lot about myself since attenting but still fighting with my inner demons at present and this needs to get sorted pronto, I'm putting in the effort but **** knows sometimes where I am heading!! My Counsellor does not think this is OCD whereas I think after some research that it possible could be.....but who am I to diagnose. I really am struggling at the moment and don't know where to turn to. Any help, honestly would be greatly appreciated.
You are not straight... "Cyber sex with other males, even whilst driving..." Are you ****ing kidding me? Get a new therapist, the one you are seeing sucks.
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Satori Tendō
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#4
Report 2 years ago
#4
OCD can be classified as an anxiety disorder. If you don't follow through with your compulsions do you become extremely anxious to the point where you MUST do it the right way otherwise something bad will happen or can you cope with and control it in the moment. If you still have that sense of control and you don't give in to your obsessive thoughts about porn then its ok.
Also, you sound bisexual not straight. Maybe you need some help with your sex addiction man
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gweilo100
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#5
Report 2 years ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone, Can someone please have a look at the below and let me know what you think if possible please ...I didn't get any response to my first post and I'm growing increasingly anxious Firstly, apologies in advance for the long post. I recently stumbled across this website after doing some research in various issues that I have been having in my life throughout the previous 10 years and any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. I have been struggling with addicition for the best part of my life (I'm 25) and only over the past few years has this actually arisen to the surface and over the past 6 months I have really been trying to make sense of a lot of things in my life previously and at present. Without explaining much surrounding the turbulence in my life as a child with parents splitting in my early teens, slight anxiety issues amongst other things I would like to explain why I've ended up here on this site. I have recently found myself extremely addicted to porn and masturabtion to the extent that it's beginning to take a great toll on my mental health. I started masturbating probably at around the age of 11 years old.....rough estimate. It was something that after I did this once, pretty much continued on mostly a daily basis without very little intervals in between and this obviously progressed to it's natural course and I began watching porn. To cut a long story short the porn then lead to gay porn, other sexual acts and gay trades on Snapchat, etc. which has been more recently. Now I'm a typical lad and consider myself to be straight. I have a girlfriend that I love so much and want to grow up, get married, have kids, etc. but struggle to understand why I'm so turned on with gay porn. I'm not homophobic but I don't see myself as gay or want to be gay and after researching some further information, fear that I may be suffering from HOCD.

I have been diagnosed with Addictive Personality Disorder by my Counsellor and have had previous addiction such as smoking, binge drinking, gambling and marjauana. These addicitions all happened in my early teens just after my parents split and it really was a rough split which I do blame partly for my onset of anxiety that followed. Now here is the thing that I have spoken to my Counsellor about and he considers me to be pretty normal. I vaguely remember when I was around 6 or 7 me and one of my friends being naked in his bedroom i.e. pulling trousers down, etc and he lay on top of me but we heard someone coming and quickly dodged any further action but given the age of us you could say nothing would have happened even at experimentation stage as none of us could possibly get erect, etc. and my Counsellor stated this can be completely normal behaviour at this age. Also, furthermore there was one of my best friends, when I was 13/14 and mid puberty, he would always be pretending he was having sex with me, typical teenage boy stuff, grabbing my ****, lying on top of me.....now the thing is this really turned me on giving I was mid-puberty, hormones flying everywhere and curious to say the least.....he even masturbated in the same bed as me once under the covers....just for me to go home and jack one off after being so turned on given the situation Now I did get to the stage that I was enjoying this and given my age and no sexual experiences under my belt, the excitement got to me!

But, as I say I consider myself to be straight. I still watch straight porn and get as turned on by this but to be honest I'm guessing shoe me any type of porn and I'll be erect and ready to go. I still get turned on when I see hot girls in the street, etc. and when I'm having sex with my girlfriend so no problems there. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have noted that this could possibly be a dual diagnosis of addicitions and other forms of behaviour. There is a history of depression, alcoholics, issues with my family......dad and brother. This all really kicked off at the beginning of the year after quitting smoking and I hit serious depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. I started smoking again and recently quit yet again now 10 weeks cold turkey but honestly it may be the inner addict speaking but smoking was a large part of my life and as silly as it seems I have considered starting again because of the issues I am having. Throughout my life it seems as though one addicition replaces another constantly and I am always bored and never contempt.

I guess I wanted to ask a few questions to anyone in a similar situation or anyone that feels they can offer some advice: 1. Is it perfectly normal to revert to gay porn after the experiences I have noted and my current addiction issues. 2. Am I suffering from OCD? 2. Is it worth trying for no PMO or trying to limit the situation as best I can? 3. Should I attempt to quit 'a healthy' experience in masturbation? 5. Is it possible I'm suffering from OCD, constantly thinking the same thought process and this is leading to compulsions? 6. Should I smoke again to combat the lonely feelings and feeling of boredom to relieve being in the house thinking about porn and masturbation? I am currently masturbating around 7-8 times per day sometimes less at around 3-4 and as much as it shames me to say this has escalated to masturbating at work, cyber sex with other males, even whilst driving....yes I know!!!

I gave up marjauana years back, I recently after many years of struggling stopped gambling and I'm around 6 months without a gamble and trying to cut back on alcohol. I also stopped smoking but can never give myself any credit. Am I trying to stop too many things at once? I also suffer from intrusive thoughts about people close to be, rumination, death, etc when my anxiety is really high. Thoughts about harming myself or people close to me. I will continue to attend physcotherapy to get to the bottom of my issues as I have learnt a lot about myself since attenting but still fighting with my inner demons at present and this needs to get sorted pronto, I'm putting in the effort but **** knows sometimes where I am heading!! My Counsellor does not think this is OCD whereas I think after some research that it possible could be.....but who am I to diagnose. I really am struggling at the moment and don't know where to turn to. Any help, honestly would be greatly appreciated.
You could be bisexual. It's pretty fluid.

Addiction to something is a bit more delicate.
There qas once this guy who believed a chronic dehydration could lead to imbalances in the body, and promoting addiction.

Dopamine is involved.
When drinking water. And when satisfying an addiction.
So he believed that drinking water would provide you with more dopamine which then would relieve the pressure on addiction.

It's worth a try. I think. Cheap and not harmful.

And try to reduce sugar intake and eat more veggies. All those vitamins and minerals do some regulation in us. Miss one and you'll get out of whack one way or the other.
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Ol94
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#6
Report 2 years ago
#6
the post is a bit too overwhelming for me but basically
- porn is addictive incredibly addictive. i've been trying to quit for 3 years now and no luck. im gonna have to get extra irl help i dont see it changing. my degree i got in june was way easier to get than get over this addiction. scary thing is that i wasnt even an abnormal user just every other day for 10 mins
- porn is a drug its easy to get desensitised to certain material then what happens u gotta watch harder stuff to get the same hit. thats why all kinds of ****ed up chit exists ppl find the regular stuff boring so seek out harder stuff. thats why ones sexuality may change 'i thought i was straight now im watching this sexuality' its cos u got bored of the usual stuff
- pron screws up ur mind. think about this everyone says facebook messes up mental health seeing pictures of your friends on holiday can make u anxious depressed whatever. so what about porn then what about all the effect on mh

you should check out nofap reddit or on yt. your brain on porn book (couldnt recoomend it more its just a few quid on kindle u can just read it on phone if u dont get it u wont get over ur addiction srs) and the grary wilson ted talk
this isnt bs bro science pseudoscience its real evidence on how destructive porn and evidence is only growing

giving up porn (even tho i relapse often) its the best thing ive ever done. and imo its the best life changing decision one can make right now today. but no one is man enough to do it - cos porn is 'normal natural healthy' right
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