The Student Room Group

How do I get over a guy?

I know it's a basic question . But I still have underlying feelings of frustration and resentment daily. I haven't had closure.

It's been 6 months since we broke up and we only dated for 4 months but it was a rollercoaster of a relationship. Both went in full blast (not my idea to) and it ended in tears and a lot of anger. I never wanted to break-up like that but he made it so difficult.

He became extremely obsessive, manipulative and delusional. He talks sh** about me to mutual friends when it's him who is being irrational. How do you let go when he is the ass**** he still is? It was my first relationship btw.
(edited 5 years ago)
Well he sounds like a tw*t to me. But what you have to remember is that you still have a life to live. Don’t let this hold you back, be patient and you will find the right person. Try and join clubs or something or take up a hobby to keep your mind from it and maybe meet other people.

Good luck.
Hi, I broke up with a long term boyfriend almost 3 years ago, and I'm honestly probably still not over it. He was very manipulative and also lied to our mutual friends.It is so much worse than a normal breakup when an ex acts this way. It's hard to know who to trust, and rejection or suspicion from your friends can be unbearable when you are already going through a tough time. I didn't want to start any drama or ****-slinging, so personally I retreated into myself and actually ended up losing a lot of people. The only friends I still have from that time are those I was closest to, who actually made the effort to reach out to me and didn't believe what was said.

It's really hard. I still am struggling to get over the shock of the first time I heard what he had said about me. I still have days where I want to call up everyone I used to know and say "you know it wasn't true right?!" The indignation is the hardest thing to let go of, because it's so so unfair.

I would try to start fresh, if you can. Your true friends will trust you and stand by you no matter what. And if no one does, then consider that a welcome warning that you should make better friends. Focus on friendships above all else. They are the people who should love you the most and your support network. Try to do things you enjoy. Dating other people also helps, although try to keep things casual to avoid rebounding too hard. Again, relationships should not take priority over friendships, it's not healthy and leads to this kind of pain. Don't feel guilty for being happy and don't doubt your own experiences. Good luck.
Reply 3
Original post by JustSomeoneAlone
Well he sounds like a tw*t to me. But what you have to remember is that you still have a life to live. Don’t let this hold you back, be patient and you will find the right person. Try and join clubs or something or take up a hobby to keep your mind from it and maybe meet other people.

Good luck.


Thanks for getting back. I don't really have a lot of people to talk to about this, so your words mean a lot.
I think his unreasonable behaviour has had a negative effect on you and the way you live your life. Firstly, you should be glad that you are no longer with him. No one deserves to be treated like that. Now you need to look after yourself - focus on your interests and your own aspirations, get yourself to where you want to be now. I would suggest meeting new friends outside your mutual friend circle who will support you and who you can talk to.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I broke up with a long term boyfriend almost 3 years ago, and I'm honestly probably still not over it. He was very manipulative and also lied to our mutual friends.It is so much worse than a normal breakup when an ex acts this way. It's hard to know who to trust, and rejection or suspicion from your friends can be unbearable when you are already going through a tough time. I didn't want to start any drama or ****-slinging, so personally I retreated into myself and actually ended up losing a lot of people. The only friends I still have from that time are those I was closest to, who actually made the effort to reach out to me and didn't believe what was said.

It's really hard. I still am struggling to get over the shock of the first time I heard what he had said about me. I still have days where I want to call up everyone I used to know and say "you know it wasn't true right?!" The indignation is the hardest thing to let go of, because it's so so unfair.

I would try to start fresh, if you can. Your true friends will trust you and stand by you no matter what. And if no one does, then consider that a welcome warning that you should make better friends. Focus on friendships above all else. They are the people who should love you the most and your support network. Try to do things you enjoy. Dating other people also helps, although try to keep things casual to avoid rebounding too hard. Again, relationships should not take priority over friendships, it's not healthy and leads to this kind of pain. Don't feel guilty for being happy and don't doubt your own experiences. Good luck.


Hi, thanks for your kind words. I can't imagine how hard that must be although I am experiencing at least a fraction of this. Most of my friends can't relate so I don't have many people to talk to or think of it as a big deal. Also bottling it up isn't great which is why I'm on here. I guess I have to learn to not hold this grudge forever, and find ways to numb and detract the attention off these emotions.
Reply 6
Should I lose all contact with him? Like block him on facebook? I don't know if that would make things better or worse
(Original post by amywhy)Thanks for getting back. I don't really have a lot of people to talk to about this, so your words mean a lot.

No problem. If you need to talk just pm me whenever.
Reply 8
I know practically nothing about Relationships but what I will say is DON’T got a rebound! It’ll only crush you even more!
Reply 9
Original post by cheesecakelove
I think his unreasonable behaviour has had a negative effect on you and the way you live your life. Firstly, you should be glad that you are no longer with him. No one deserves to be treated like that. Now you need to look after yourself - focus on your interests and your own aspirations, get yourself to where you want to be now. I would suggest meeting new friends outside your mutual friend circle who will support you and who you can talk to.


You couldn't have said it better. Thank you for your wise words, I'll definitely take them on board with me starting from now. This platform has already been so helpful and I'll try opening up more to people if it will help with the process.
Reply 10
Original post by CAB1802
I know practically nothing about Relationships but what I will say is DON’T got a rebound! It’ll only crush you even more!


haha you're probably right about that. I'm trying to be patient, but at the same time i can't help wanting a new relationship purely to try and start afresh and find someone who will treat me right, But you're right I could be at risk of finding a rebound so it's better off going with the flow for now.
Reply 11
Original post by amywhy
x




You get over a guy by getting under a new guy




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