The Student Room Group

My mum

For the past two weeks my grandmother has been in Ireland on holidays and I've been living with my mum at home, looking after the family house. A week into my nan being away I felt like having a drink but I had no money, so I drunk her bottle of gin that she left behind. I knew that I would be getting paid before my nan gets back from her holidays and my intentions were to replace the bottle before she gets back ofc, otherwise I wouldn't have drank it if I wasn't able to replace it. She gets back home tonight.

Me and my mum share the same card as her money goes into my bank account, this is because her own account is in debt. Four days ago she was out somewhere and had my card and called me saying oh your money has came in early, I've taken nans board money out and I've taken another 20 out to replace the gin, which left me with 20 pounds left for myself, which I've now spent. She then went on to say that the bottle of gin is at her friends and she will get it within the next day or so, before my nan gets back.

Since then, whenever I ask her she keeps delaying it and promises that she will get it the next day and I am beginning to think that she's either spent the 20 pounds of mine that was to replace the gin or has drunk the bottle at her friends house. I asked her again this morning if she's going to go and get it before my nan gets back and her face expressions when I asked her, got me worried.

I'm beginning to think that there is no bottle at her friends house or it's empty and in a bin somewhere. My mum had the money that was mine to replace it, so I've done nothing wrong, all I've done is trust an idiot with my card it seems. I've also noticed that this morning she's been very argumentative, this is the personality she always portrays when she's done something wrong as it gives her an excuse to storm out and not have to face up to the consequences.

So her whole argumentative attitude is getting me worried that she's not actually replaced the bottle with the money of mine she once had. The annoying thing is that if this is the case she's the immature type to make up a **** and bull story and put the whole blame on me and make out that I drunk it and didn't give any money to replace it or something along those lines.

I really don't know how to approach my mum, if I keep asking she will storm out or something and if I don't say anything then my nan will come back and my mum will probably make up a load of lies and make me look at fault. Advice?
(edited 5 years ago)
It sounds like you are not to blame at all, and it can be hard to approach family members.

Is there a way you can contact your Grandmother now and ask her for advice?
call the police ASAP!
It sounds like your mum might have some issues with Money. I would suggest being honest with your grandma, and keeping your card to yourself
Reply 4
Original post by BennClark
It sounds like you are not to blame at all, and it can be hard to approach family members.

Is there a way you can contact your Grandmother now and ask her for advice?


I don't want to call my nan and tell her in case there actually is a bottle. At the moment my mum isn't helping with getting the house clean for when my nan gets back or nothing, it's as if my mum isn't planning on being here when my nan gets back and I am beginning to see why. She's sat watching the bill instead of 1. Getting the bottle from her friends or 2. doing some house work.

She is unemployed and clearly isn't doing anything productive around the house so why can't she go and get the bottle right now? Her friend lives in walking distance.
Reply 5
Original post by Miss Bones
It sounds like your mum might have some issues with Money. I would suggest being honest with your grandma, and keeping your card to yourself


I wish she could just tell me if there's no bottle so I can think of a plan to get another one somehow, but she's sitting there letting the time tick and keeps saying 'I'll get it later' with the most guilty look of anyone ever on her face. It wouldn't surprise me if she soon says she's going out and doesn't come back. But I suppose if she does do that it will make my nan believe my side of the situation.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by rossjameslx
I wish she could just tell me if there's no bottle so I can think of a plan to get another one somehow, but she's sitting there letting the time tick and keeps saying 'I'll get it later' with the most guilty look of anyone ever on her face. It wouldn't surprise me if she soon says she's going out and doesn't come back. But I suppose if she does do that it will make my nan believe my side of the situation.



Your mum is a grown up, you can't be responsible for her actions. Be honest with your grandma, she will know her daughter (I'm making that assumption), and know the truth. In the future, I suggest you get your mums money out and give it to her, don't give her your card.
Well you shouldn't have really drunk the gin in the first place but is there no way of getting the bottle back yourself? Do you know where your mum's friend lives? And why did you let your mum have the card?

If there is no bottle just be honest with your Nan and hopefully she believes the truth
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by rossjameslx
For the past two weeks my grandmother has been in Ireland on holidays and I've been living with my mum at home, looking after the family house. A week into my nan being away I felt like having a drink but I had no money, so I drunk her bottle of gin that she left behind. I knew that I would be getting paid before my nan gets back from her holidays and my intentions were to replace the bottle before she gets back ofc, otherwise I wouldn't have drank it if I wasn't able to replace it. She gets back home tonight.

Me and my mum share the same card as her money goes into my bank account, this is because her own account is in debt. Four days ago she was out somewhere and had my card and called me saying oh your money has came in early, I've taken nans board money out and I've taken another 20 out to replace the gin, which left me with 20 pounds left for myself, which I've now spent. She then went on to say that the bottle of gin is at her friends and she will get it within the next day or so, before my nan gets back.

Since then, whenever I ask her she keeps delaying it and promises that she will get it the next day and I am beginning to think that she's either spent the 20 pounds of mine that was to replace the gin or has drunk the bottle at her friends house. I asked her again this morning if she's going to go and get it before my nan gets back and her face expressions when I asked her, got me worried.

I'm beginning to think that there is no bottle at her friends house or it's empty and in a bin somewhere. My mum had the money that was mine to replace it, so I've done nothing wrong, all I've done is trust an idiot with my card it seems. I've also noticed that this morning she's been very argumentative, this is the personality she always portrays when she's done something wrong as it gives her an excuse to storm out and not have to face up to the consequences.

So her whole argumentative attitude is getting me worried that she's not actually replaced the bottle with the money of mine she once had. The annoying thing is that if this is the case she's the immature type to make up a **** and bull story and put the whole blame on me and make out that I drunk it and didn't give any money to replace it or something along those lines.

I really don't know how to approach my mum, if I keep asking she will storm out or something and if I don't say anything then my nan will come back and my mum will probably make up a load of lies and make me look at fault. Advice?



I think that you alread know the answer to what happened (that the gin and the money is gone).

Lessons learned:

If your mother has problems with money, then it is a very bad idea to share any of your card details/bank accounts with her. She may not have done what she did with any ill intentions; many people with debt problems are very impulsive and struggle to help themselves (and trusting someone with a poor credit history to pay you back money is about as wise as entrusting an alcoholic to return you a bottle of booze). Double points for foolishness on your part if you know of your mother having any problems with alcohol on top of money problems.

Yes, what your mother did was highly very irresponsible, adults are all flawed (and parents are no different!). And you were very reckless (drinking someone else's bottle of gin that you could not guaranteed replace immediately) and naive. But if your mother persists with upholding these daft pretences, is a bottle of gin & £20 worth falling out with your mother over?

1. NEVER take what you cannot guaranteed replace (and until the money is actually in your hands, don't live like you have it!)
(Or even better, simply don't take without permission full-stop; this whole fiasco could have been avoided if you didn't take the gin in the first place!)

2. NEVER trust anybody with a poor credit history with money (sharing or lending them it- anything!). Even more so if they are close family or friends, because if they refuse to pay up, then it is just that much harder to get your money back (jeopardizing the relationship that you have with them over money). Don't put to test what you're not willing to ruin/lose.
I hate to say it, but while family can be pretty great sometimes, everyone has their demons/flaws (and it's unwise to believe that someone will definitely come through for you simply because they're family).


Unless your mother gets her act together, then it is inevitably going to sour things between you two for a while. But that is no excuse for not replacing your grandmothers gin; your grandmother has not asked to have any part in this (and you still owe her a bottle). Both your mother and you have committed wrongdoings (though more foolishness/naivity on your part), but because your mother is behaving very immaturely right now, you cannot depend on her.

So its down to you to make things right:

1. Focus on buying your grandmother a replacement bottle of gin with your own money (don't wait up for your mother to come through on the matter). If you really cannot pay for it right now, then borrow money from a friend (but be sure to pay them back ASAP!).
2. Stop your mother from accessing your account. If this is YOUR money, then keep it that way.
(and let this all be a lesson to you)
(edited 5 years ago)
Don't share your bank account with anyone, not even family. The fact your mother can't use her own account due to existing debt should have been enough of a warning sign.

You may be blowing this out of proportion, your nan may be super understanding and it may not be an issue for her.

I would gently confront your mother. Don't accuse her, approach from the angle of just wanting to sort stuff out for your nan.

Is there anything you can do to afford a new bottle?

Quick Reply