Tuesday 21st August 2018Crazy, its been 5 days since the day I looked at track and saw the huge red cross next to my firm choice Newcastle University. Once I saw this I just smashed my hand as hard as I could into the wall of the train.
I am surprised my hand was intact because I hit the wall so hard literally all the passengers on the train had their eyes on me. When I was getting off, the passengers gave way to me and let me off first because I was so visibly distraught that I had worked so hard over the two years just to crumble....
That 20 minute walk from the station to the school the felt almost never ending to me. All I could think was 'Where is my future headed? I surely couldn't have done that badly?'.
When I got to school I opened the envelope thinking 'the worst I have got is probably is BCC ands that's ok, clearing has loads of courses and I have already made a provisional list of back up universities if it doesn't work'.
I rip open the envelope and I was truly stunned. I had got CCC + B in the EPQ....
Not trying to sound cocky but I had not factored in doing that badly. At that moment I just felt numb. Like I worked so hard... For that???Just a solid row of C's?
I then tracked down the exams officer as I needed to find out my break down and it essential was this :
That made the situation worse imo because I was like wait what? I didn't do so well in one of the exam for each subject and that has cost me my place at Newcastle? I wasn't freaking out for the record on the outside but on the inside I couldn't help but feel ****ed over.
I applied for remarks for the Micro paper and Human paper as the exams officer was like 'they are the lowest so they are most likely to go up'. I wanted physical to be remarked but she was like 'one may go up and one may go down so it's best to do it one at the time'.
So I followed her advice and I guess we will see how that goes, I doubt the two will go up but I might as well try....
The next mission was breaking the news to my parents that I didn't get in which clearly saddened them. I then rang Newcastle if there was anything that could be done and I got an offer Chemical Engineering with a foundation year. Even though that is the uni I really really wanted to go to, chemical engineering isn't something I really want to go in to so I rang up other unis to see what I could get.
Even though good university's like Aberdeen, Heriot watt, Dundee, Sussex offered me something it they all (basically) encompassed a foundation year which is isn't something I want to do tbh and imo its not worth paying 9k in tuition fees +10k in living costs to go to a uni I didn't really want to go to in the first place . Imo I'm only going to have time for university once in my lifetime and ngl I think I would regret it if I didn't give this one last go. I
KNOW I have the ability and I just have to work on my mistakes and get those grades
So here we are today, I know it will be a long year and with all my friends moving on to uni it is quite sad.
BUT, I know I can do this in academic sense. I was so close this time so surely I can work on my mistakes and get it right in June??? Right? I guess only time can answer that question....