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First long term relationship

Hi all

I'm writing here because I'm really struggling and need some advice. I don't know who else to talk to as I don't like telling other people personal problems especially when it involves other people. I feel out of my depths

I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years and I'm 23. We have had some really great times but also some really terrible ones that we've tried to work through. Back story would be I work in a technology company and it is mostly males, I am a girl. Some of my best mates are boys

For the past while months we have been having massive arguments every weekend.
For example
I was at a work night out and my boyfriend text me saying how i love attention from boys and that I was drunk and lied about how much I drank. He accused me of cheating on him and when I said my dad picked me up he said I was lying about it too.

We had a massive argument about it and a week later decided to give it a try again. I had another night out a few weeks later and he asked me was I going to cheat on him.

I got really bad news and told him I'd need some space and he argued with me because I had already planned to go down to his house but I explained to him that I was too upset to drive and he said I was shutting him out.

He claims he trusts me and has no issues but this evening he asked me why I was using Snapchat to speak to people and without explicitly asking me wondered who I was speaking to. When I didn't automatically tell him he said I was being secretive

I was out with work colleagues and he arrived at the same bar. When I invited him for a drink he just said he wanted to leave. So I bought everyone a round so they could stay and get to know each other. Someone gave me a high 5.after this my boyfriend was angry and said this person kept trying to hold my hand and kick me under the table when it was not the case at all

That's only some of the story but I don't know what to do I don't know whether these are big relationship red flags or stuff we can work on....

Please any thoughts
You need to have a serious sit down with him and tell him how the way he acts towards you feels. If he can't trust you, thats his problem and not yours. If her genuinely loves you, he needs to know that you are trust worthy and if he can't trust you, it says something and shows you two really do not work and maybe a break is needed?
I've been scared my girl might cheat on me however I know how much she loves me and she's said countless times she'd never because she doesn't want to lose me. She has the same fear of me too but we both trust each other because we both say how much we both are the ideal partner.
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Anonymous
You need to have a serious sit down with him and tell him how the way he acts towards you feels. If he can't trust you, thats his problem and not yours. If her genuinely loves you, he needs to know that you are trust worthy and if he can't trust you, it says something and shows you two really do not work and maybe a break is needed?
I've been scared my girl might cheat on me however I know how much she loves me and she's said countless times she'd never because she doesn't want to lose me. She has the same fear of me too but we both trust each other because we both say how much we both are the ideal partner.

I have after each occasion but he seems to be continuing :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
I have after each occasion but he seems to be continuing :frown:


Then you gotta give him an ultimatum, either he has to learn to trust you or the relationship isn't meant to be regardless of 4 years because you are unhappy.
Is this new or has it been going on the whole time? If it's new you need to find out what's happened... sometimes this can happen because the other person cheated and it's the it guilt projected on you... But it could also be another issue eg he doesn't feel prioritised and thinks that's linked to potential cheating. In which case if you did the problem he might stop.

If it's ongoing and you've already spoken about it... I think there's nothing you can do. You work in a male dominated industry, you can't avoid men 100% of the time and isolate yourself. I would probably be thinking I wasn't happy to continue with this situation. It sounds stressful and controlling.
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by doodle_333
Is this new or has it been going on the whole time? If it's new you need to find out what's happened... sometimes this can happen because the other person cheated and it's the it guilt projected on you... But it could also be another issue eg he doesn't feel prioritised and thinks that's linked to potential cheating. In which case if you did the problem he might stop.

If it's ongoing and you've already spoken about it... I think there's nothing you can do. You work in a male dominated industry, you can't avoid men 100% of the time and isolate yourself. I would probably be thinking I wasn't happy to continue with this situation. It sounds stressful and controlling.

It's been happening in the past he admitted he had an issue with me going out and spending time with guys. He also acted sketchy when my phone went off but he promised me he had been working on it and it didn't bother him anymore but if he asks about my Snapchat then surely it does bother him?

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