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Social anxiety
Has anyone had this and if so how did you get over it
I need some advice please
I need some advice please
Reply 1
I have it and am still in the process of overcoming it.
It's not exactly something you can just get over straight away, it takes a lot off work and usually it has to go on bit by bit.
Is there any specific aspect of it that's troubling you the most right now?
I've been trying to get over it since I was 17, mainly through councelling and meetings with psychologists. There's something they use, congnitive behavioural therapy, which sets about changing your anxious thought patterns in an attempt to break the cycle of the fear. You can be put on meds as well, but I'd really attempt to correct it without those things first.
It started off with something as small as correcting body language when in an uncomfortable social situation - keeping hands down or occupied rather than up and hiding my face, looking people in the eye when talking etc - and worked all the way up through to giving presentations without getting shakey voiced, eating at resturants and avoiding panic attacks.
Personally, I'd suggest you visit your doctor and explain that you feel you have social anxiety and would like some help. If talking to them is difficult then write it down and hand them the paper to read. Go with a friend or parent if it'll help.
If that's too nerve wracking right now then there are a few bits and bobs you can work on to build up your confidence slightly:
- Every morning and every evening stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and say out loud "I am [name] and I am a confident person!"
- Work on your body language. Notice little things you do when out in social situations. I remember that I used to slouch, constantly look down rather than at people, cover my face with my hands (especially when laughing or talking) and cross my arms to try and cover myself. One by one try to correct them. If you slouch then pull yourself up straight, try and look around and at people (briefly at first. Build up when confortable), keep your hands down...things like that.
- Breathe deeply, especially if you feel that you're about to panic too much.
- Ask strangers what the time is. Take someone out with you at first so you're not totally alone.
- If you blush then carry around a little pump of water or some wet wipes. Keep them in a bag and use if you feel your face starting to get hot (if you're female then there is actually make up and moisturiser that you can apply to balance out the redness).
- Every day write down a list of positive things that have happened or that you feel. Also list any positive compliments you receive. Don't jot down anything negative. Keep them in a book and read them over when you feel extra down or anxious.
- Replace negative thoughts, such as "I can't do it" or "People will think I'm boring" with things like "I can try my best" and "I'm interesting, they might be the boring ones". The moment any thought like that pops into your head then just replace it with a more positive one and repeat it in your head.
I really hope this helps you.
It's a lot of hard work to fight social anxiety but keep trying and it'll eventually die down or go away pretty much completely.
Good luck O.P.
It's not exactly something you can just get over straight away, it takes a lot off work and usually it has to go on bit by bit.
Is there any specific aspect of it that's troubling you the most right now?
I've been trying to get over it since I was 17, mainly through councelling and meetings with psychologists. There's something they use, congnitive behavioural therapy, which sets about changing your anxious thought patterns in an attempt to break the cycle of the fear. You can be put on meds as well, but I'd really attempt to correct it without those things first.
It started off with something as small as correcting body language when in an uncomfortable social situation - keeping hands down or occupied rather than up and hiding my face, looking people in the eye when talking etc - and worked all the way up through to giving presentations without getting shakey voiced, eating at resturants and avoiding panic attacks.
Personally, I'd suggest you visit your doctor and explain that you feel you have social anxiety and would like some help. If talking to them is difficult then write it down and hand them the paper to read. Go with a friend or parent if it'll help.
If that's too nerve wracking right now then there are a few bits and bobs you can work on to build up your confidence slightly:
- Every morning and every evening stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and say out loud "I am [name] and I am a confident person!"
- Work on your body language. Notice little things you do when out in social situations. I remember that I used to slouch, constantly look down rather than at people, cover my face with my hands (especially when laughing or talking) and cross my arms to try and cover myself. One by one try to correct them. If you slouch then pull yourself up straight, try and look around and at people (briefly at first. Build up when confortable), keep your hands down...things like that.
- Breathe deeply, especially if you feel that you're about to panic too much.
- Ask strangers what the time is. Take someone out with you at first so you're not totally alone.
- If you blush then carry around a little pump of water or some wet wipes. Keep them in a bag and use if you feel your face starting to get hot (if you're female then there is actually make up and moisturiser that you can apply to balance out the redness).
- Every day write down a list of positive things that have happened or that you feel. Also list any positive compliments you receive. Don't jot down anything negative. Keep them in a book and read them over when you feel extra down or anxious.
- Replace negative thoughts, such as "I can't do it" or "People will think I'm boring" with things like "I can try my best" and "I'm interesting, they might be the boring ones". The moment any thought like that pops into your head then just replace it with a more positive one and repeat it in your head.
I really hope this helps you.
It's a lot of hard work to fight social anxiety but keep trying and it'll eventually die down or go away pretty much completely.
Good luck O.P.
Reply 2
Pink_Crayon_Eater
I have it and am still in the process of overcoming it.
It's not exactly something you can just get over straight away, it takes a lot off work and usually it has to go on bit by bit.
Is there any specific aspect of it that's troubling you the most right now?
I've been trying to get over it since I was 17, mainly through councelling and meetings with psychologists. There's something they use, congnitive behavioural therapy, which sets about changing your anxious thought patterns in an attempt to break the cycle of the fear. You can be put on meds as well, but I'd really attempt to correct it without those things first.
It started off with something as small as correcting body language when in an uncomfortable social situation - keeping hands down or occupied rather than up and hiding my face, looking people in the eye when talking etc - and worked all the way up through to giving presentations without getting shakey voiced, eating at resturants and avoiding panic attacks.
Personally, I'd suggest you visit your doctor and explain that you feel you have social anxiety and would like some help. If talking to them is difficult then write it down and hand them the paper to read. Go with a friend or parent if it'll help.
If that's too nerve wracking right now then there are a few bits and bobs you can work on to build up your confidence slightly:
- Every morning and every evening stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and say out loud "I am [name] and I am a confident person!"
- Work on your body language. Notice little things you do when out in social situations. I remember that I used to slouch, constantly look down rather than at people, cover my face with my hands (especially when laughing or talking) and cross my arms to try and cover myself. One by one try to correct them. If you slouch then pull yourself up straight, try and look around and at people (briefly at first. Build up when confortable), keep your hands down...things like that.
- Breathe deeply, especially if you feel that you're about to panic too much.
- Ask strangers what the time is. Take someone out with you at first so you're not totally alone.
- If you blush then carry around a little pump of water or some wet wipes. Keep them in a bag and use if you feel your face starting to get hot (if you're female then there is actually make up and moisturiser that you can apply to balance out the redness).
- Every day write down a list of positive things that have happened or that you feel. Also list any positive compliments you receive. Don't jot down anything negative. Keep them in a book and read them over when you feel extra down or anxious.
- Replace negative thoughts, such as "I can't do it" or "People will think I'm boring" with things like "I can try my best" and "I'm interesting, they might be the boring ones". The moment any thought like that pops into your head then just replace it with a more positive one and repeat it in your head.
I really hope this helps you.
It's a lot of hard work to fight social anxiety but keep trying and it'll eventually die down or go away pretty much completely.
Good luck O.P.
It's not exactly something you can just get over straight away, it takes a lot off work and usually it has to go on bit by bit.
Is there any specific aspect of it that's troubling you the most right now?
I've been trying to get over it since I was 17, mainly through councelling and meetings with psychologists. There's something they use, congnitive behavioural therapy, which sets about changing your anxious thought patterns in an attempt to break the cycle of the fear. You can be put on meds as well, but I'd really attempt to correct it without those things first.
It started off with something as small as correcting body language when in an uncomfortable social situation - keeping hands down or occupied rather than up and hiding my face, looking people in the eye when talking etc - and worked all the way up through to giving presentations without getting shakey voiced, eating at resturants and avoiding panic attacks.
Personally, I'd suggest you visit your doctor and explain that you feel you have social anxiety and would like some help. If talking to them is difficult then write it down and hand them the paper to read. Go with a friend or parent if it'll help.
If that's too nerve wracking right now then there are a few bits and bobs you can work on to build up your confidence slightly:
- Every morning and every evening stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and say out loud "I am [name] and I am a confident person!"
- Work on your body language. Notice little things you do when out in social situations. I remember that I used to slouch, constantly look down rather than at people, cover my face with my hands (especially when laughing or talking) and cross my arms to try and cover myself. One by one try to correct them. If you slouch then pull yourself up straight, try and look around and at people (briefly at first. Build up when confortable), keep your hands down...things like that.
- Breathe deeply, especially if you feel that you're about to panic too much.
- Ask strangers what the time is. Take someone out with you at first so you're not totally alone.
- If you blush then carry around a little pump of water or some wet wipes. Keep them in a bag and use if you feel your face starting to get hot (if you're female then there is actually make up and moisturiser that you can apply to balance out the redness).
- Every day write down a list of positive things that have happened or that you feel. Also list any positive compliments you receive. Don't jot down anything negative. Keep them in a book and read them over when you feel extra down or anxious.
- Replace negative thoughts, such as "I can't do it" or "People will think I'm boring" with things like "I can try my best" and "I'm interesting, they might be the boring ones". The moment any thought like that pops into your head then just replace it with a more positive one and repeat it in your head.
I really hope this helps you.
It's a lot of hard work to fight social anxiety but keep trying and it'll eventually die down or go away pretty much completely.
Good luck O.P.
thanks for your post
It's more about thinking that people are looking at me than anything. The bad thing is that I seem to be scared of people looking at me worried - but I don't know why. If I feel that people are looking at me I jam up and cant think properly or concentrate :C This is bad in some lessons. Surprisingly I don't blush and stuff and I can talk to strangers. My main worry is that it stops me being myself ad taken away my confidence - I used to be very outgoign and up for anything and it sops me from learnign in school.
I think teh idea of replacing negative thoguhts is good - I'll try that
Reply 3
I think the negative thought thing will work with thinking that people are looking at you.
I get that a lot too and just repeat to myself that they're not looking. I remember it being so bad once that I was nervous if I saw someone's curtain twitch because I felt like everyone was spying on me and thinking bad things.
You could also try smiling if you're sure someone is looking at you. I do that in my classes and they'll either realise they've been caught staring, will smile back or won't pay attention because they've actually been daydreaming the whole time.
I get that a lot too and just repeat to myself that they're not looking. I remember it being so bad once that I was nervous if I saw someone's curtain twitch because I felt like everyone was spying on me and thinking bad things.
You could also try smiling if you're sure someone is looking at you. I do that in my classes and they'll either realise they've been caught staring, will smile back or won't pay attention because they've actually been daydreaming the whole time.
Reply 4
Pink_Crayon_Eater gives some good advice, though I can't stand in front of a mirror and do that without laughing 
but if it works for you, then it's good.
I think the worst thing about SAD is that it's not smething you can really get rid of. Lucky people can 'overcome it' to an extent, but even then it's rare and subject to relapse.
What helped me most was going into town, buying a coffee and sitting in an open place whilst I drank it..and I'd do that very frequently - once or twice a week. By just sitting there, I began to realise that people, generally weren't watching me. They didn't care what I was doing, I was just another person drinking coffee. It really helped me to feel more comfortable in crowds and amongst strnagers - I can't talk to people much (still grrr) but it made me not freak out everytime I went into a busy public place whic his a definite improvement.
but if it works for you, then it's good.I think the worst thing about SAD is that it's not smething you can really get rid of. Lucky people can 'overcome it' to an extent, but even then it's rare and subject to relapse.
What helped me most was going into town, buying a coffee and sitting in an open place whilst I drank it..and I'd do that very frequently - once or twice a week. By just sitting there, I began to realise that people, generally weren't watching me. They didn't care what I was doing, I was just another person drinking coffee. It really helped me to feel more comfortable in crowds and amongst strnagers - I can't talk to people much (still grrr) but it made me not freak out everytime I went into a busy public place whic his a definite improvement.
Reply 5
It cracked me up the first few times. I stood there, looked myself in the eye - in a totally serious manner - and then burst out laughing. Felt like a complete pratt talking to myself like that. Can eventually start to work though.
The cafe thing is a pretty good idea, although I find it easer to start off with going during times when it's not overly busy and then step up the length of time you stay in there. I usually have some uni work or a book to focus on sometimes as well.
I STILL can't sit somewhere where there are a lot of children/teenagers though. They make everything feel about 10x worse
My problem now is explaining it all properly to the boyfriend...I'm under the assumption that he just thinks I'm a bit mad.
The cafe thing is a pretty good idea, although I find it easer to start off with going during times when it's not overly busy and then step up the length of time you stay in there. I usually have some uni work or a book to focus on sometimes as well.
I STILL can't sit somewhere where there are a lot of children/teenagers though. They make everything feel about 10x worse
My problem now is explaining it all properly to the boyfriend...I'm under the assumption that he just thinks I'm a bit mad.
Reply 6
What about eye contact because I can't look people in the eye sometimes - well only some teachers really and sometimes other places.
I heard that if you look between their eyes it looks like you are looking at their eyes but I don't know if it is true?
I heard that if you look between their eyes it looks like you are looking at their eyes but I don't know if it is true?
Reply 7
Pink_Crayon_Eater
It cracked me up the first few times. I stood there, looked myself in the eye - in a totally serious manner - and then burst out laughing. Felt like a complete pratt talking to myself like that. Can eventually start to work though.
Haha, fair enough. I've never persisted with it.
The cafe thing is a pretty good idea, although I find it easer to start off with going during times when it's not overly busy and then step up the length of time you stay in there. I usually have some uni work or a book to focus on sometimes as well.
I STILL can't sit somewhere where there are a lot of children/teenagers though. They make everything feel about 10x worse
Oh god no. Teenagers and young kids make me run for the hills
I usually fuss with my phone, and spend a lt of time fiddling with my coffee cup, or shredding napkins 
My problem now is explaining it all properly to the boyfriend...I'm under the assumption that he just thinks I'm a bit mad.
Aren't we?
When I was suffering some really bad panic attacks at school, my teacher made me promise him I'd tell my parents - and I had to look him in the eye (as in he wouldn't let me go until I promised whilst looking him in the eye) It was far too confrontational for me and I just broke down and freaked out. [He didn't do that again
] How can you look between someone's eyes..without going cross-eyed yourself?
I'm rather good at going glazed eyed..well you can't really tell, but just stare in the direction of their eyes and sort of..shut off
it's hard to explain, but it's also how I managed to start doing stuff like buying stuff in shops when I had to go up to the till. I go a bit blank in the face though
Reply 8
Eye contact is a tricky one.
The looking between the eyes thing can work I think (never done that so I'm not sure).
I got told to do it gradually. Like go from not looking a person in the eye at all to giving them a quick glance before going back to what I was comfortable with again. From there is was a case of building up the length of time I looked.
Also, the mirror thing again, get used to looking yourself in the eye. I found that to help a bit. And looking posters/photographs in the eye...that might be just me though.
The looking between the eyes thing can work I think (never done that so I'm not sure).
I got told to do it gradually. Like go from not looking a person in the eye at all to giving them a quick glance before going back to what I was comfortable with again. From there is was a case of building up the length of time I looked.
Also, the mirror thing again, get used to looking yourself in the eye. I found that to help a bit. And looking posters/photographs in the eye...that might be just me though.
Reply 9
You sound like a bit of a gayer. I think you should grow some.
It may sound harsh but only you can get through this.
It may sound harsh but only you can get through this.
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