Anon_98's first year at university
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30/11/2018
so pleased to announce that my model is finally done ! i can't tell you the number of hours i've spent on that but omg yay. this has been my absolute favourite project in the world to do and i love my course and i love being an art student and it's been so hard but i loved it and oh my goodness. super stressed cause now i need to do all my millions of a2 pages to support this design but i'm really happy with my creation. it's so cool. no i'm so cool. oh my aha. i actually might get emotional at how much i love my course. i'm gonna go to co op and buy myself some cake now bc treats are glorious though i can't decide what cake i want then i'm gonna go to reception to collect my post but then i'm going to try get back to work bc i don't think i'll get much done this weekend bc fun plans which means i need to do as much as possible today. i am so stressed. i'm worried. our presentations are in 10 days and i don't know how i'm gonna do it. that's not enough time for anything and it's so sad. also i need to go for a wee bc i have forgotten again. i actually think i should start setting alarms. wish i was joking but i have been going like 14 hours without thinking about it then when i stop studying i'm like oh yes urination is a thing and i should probably do that and the desperation for the loo finally hits me along with extreme exhaustion and i semi collapse and i cry at how much i am unintentionally torturing myself. anyway goodbye.
so pleased to announce that my model is finally done ! i can't tell you the number of hours i've spent on that but omg yay. this has been my absolute favourite project in the world to do and i love my course and i love being an art student and it's been so hard but i loved it and oh my goodness. super stressed cause now i need to do all my millions of a2 pages to support this design but i'm really happy with my creation. it's so cool. no i'm so cool. oh my aha. i actually might get emotional at how much i love my course. i'm gonna go to co op and buy myself some cake now bc treats are glorious though i can't decide what cake i want then i'm gonna go to reception to collect my post but then i'm going to try get back to work bc i don't think i'll get much done this weekend bc fun plans which means i need to do as much as possible today. i am so stressed. i'm worried. our presentations are in 10 days and i don't know how i'm gonna do it. that's not enough time for anything and it's so sad. also i need to go for a wee bc i have forgotten again. i actually think i should start setting alarms. wish i was joking but i have been going like 14 hours without thinking about it then when i stop studying i'm like oh yes urination is a thing and i should probably do that and the desperation for the loo finally hits me along with extreme exhaustion and i semi collapse and i cry at how much i am unintentionally torturing myself. anyway goodbye.
Original post by Anon_98
30/11/2018
so pleased to announce that my model is finally done ! i can't tell you the number of hours i've spent on that but omg yay. this has been my absolute favourite project in the world to do and i love my course and i love being an art student and it's been so hard but i loved it and oh my goodness. super stressed cause now i need to do all my millions of a2 pages to support this design but i'm really happy with my creation. it's so cool. no i'm so cool. oh my aha. i actually might get emotional at how much i love my course. i'm gonna go to co op and buy myself some cake now bc treats are glorious though i can't decide what cake i want then i'm gonna go to reception to collect my post but then i'm going to try get back to work bc i don't think i'll get much done this weekend bc fun plans which means i need to do as much as possible today. i am so stressed. i'm worried. our presentations are in 10 days and i don't know how i'm gonna do it. that's not enough time for anything and it's so sad. also i need to go for a wee bc i have forgotten again. i actually think i should start setting alarms. wish i was joking but i have been going like 14 hours without thinking about it then when i stop studying i'm like oh yes urination is a thing and i should probably do that and the desperation for the loo finally hits me along with extreme exhaustion and i semi collapse and i cry at how much i am unintentionally torturing myself. anyway goodbye.
so pleased to announce that my model is finally done ! i can't tell you the number of hours i've spent on that but omg yay. this has been my absolute favourite project in the world to do and i love my course and i love being an art student and it's been so hard but i loved it and oh my goodness. super stressed cause now i need to do all my millions of a2 pages to support this design but i'm really happy with my creation. it's so cool. no i'm so cool. oh my aha. i actually might get emotional at how much i love my course. i'm gonna go to co op and buy myself some cake now bc treats are glorious though i can't decide what cake i want then i'm gonna go to reception to collect my post but then i'm going to try get back to work bc i don't think i'll get much done this weekend bc fun plans which means i need to do as much as possible today. i am so stressed. i'm worried. our presentations are in 10 days and i don't know how i'm gonna do it. that's not enough time for anything and it's so sad. also i need to go for a wee bc i have forgotten again. i actually think i should start setting alarms. wish i was joking but i have been going like 14 hours without thinking about it then when i stop studying i'm like oh yes urination is a thing and i should probably do that and the desperation for the loo finally hits me along with extreme exhaustion and i semi collapse and i cry at how much i am unintentionally torturing myself. anyway goodbye.
go wee01/12/2018
so yesterday evening i went to collect my new clothes and they made me very very excited.
this morning i had breakfast then me and the girls met up to go to the winter fair. the actual fair was very rubbish + a disappointment but i had such a wonderful time with everyone and so that didn't even matter. i did see some amazing earrings but they were very expensive. after we'd had a look round the arty farty bits, me fuschia and turquoise went to get some brownies from the vegan food stall + that was quite nice. the whole thing was genuinely like freshers fair but a massive version for the whole town.. i mean, there were even freebies - i got a sticker that said: all i want for christmas is EU haha. at this point it was extremely rainy and really muddy and we'd been walking around for like 3 hours ish but i had my wellies on and also had good company so embraced the bad weather. which tbh, along with the christmas music and crowds made for a nice atmosphere.
after the fair, we quickly went into tescos, i purchased some dried mango and orange juice then went to turquoise's and we just had a long chat. i accidentally lost track of time and had to rush off to rehearsals without dinner. arrived 15 mins late but luckily it didn't matter too much. rehearsals were tiring but good.
after that i went to watch narnia with everyone cause we were having a festive movie night. we went to scarlett's room cause she has the biggest bedroom. all the girls live on the same road but different shared houses and all of them have gigantic bedrooms and it's great.
i've just gotten home from a lovely day but need to have my dinner now as the fruit from earlier wasn't exactly filling. my friends from the other university are leaving tomorrow which is quite sad. their term finishes so ridiculously early. tomorrow i have frisbee in the afternoon which i'm looking forward to but until then goodnight.
so yesterday evening i went to collect my new clothes and they made me very very excited.
this morning i had breakfast then me and the girls met up to go to the winter fair. the actual fair was very rubbish + a disappointment but i had such a wonderful time with everyone and so that didn't even matter. i did see some amazing earrings but they were very expensive. after we'd had a look round the arty farty bits, me fuschia and turquoise went to get some brownies from the vegan food stall + that was quite nice. the whole thing was genuinely like freshers fair but a massive version for the whole town.. i mean, there were even freebies - i got a sticker that said: all i want for christmas is EU haha. at this point it was extremely rainy and really muddy and we'd been walking around for like 3 hours ish but i had my wellies on and also had good company so embraced the bad weather. which tbh, along with the christmas music and crowds made for a nice atmosphere.
after the fair, we quickly went into tescos, i purchased some dried mango and orange juice then went to turquoise's and we just had a long chat. i accidentally lost track of time and had to rush off to rehearsals without dinner. arrived 15 mins late but luckily it didn't matter too much. rehearsals were tiring but good.
after that i went to watch narnia with everyone cause we were having a festive movie night. we went to scarlett's room cause she has the biggest bedroom. all the girls live on the same road but different shared houses and all of them have gigantic bedrooms and it's great.
i've just gotten home from a lovely day but need to have my dinner now as the fruit from earlier wasn't exactly filling. my friends from the other university are leaving tomorrow which is quite sad. their term finishes so ridiculously early. tomorrow i have frisbee in the afternoon which i'm looking forward to but until then goodnight.
Original post by Anon_98
01/12/2018
so yesterday evening i went to collect my new clothes and they made me very very excited.
this morning i had breakfast then me and the girls met up to go to the winter fair. the actual fair was very rubbish + a disappointment but i had such a wonderful time with everyone and so that didn't even matter. i did see some amazing earrings but they were very expensive. after we'd had a look round the arty farty bits, me fuschia and turquoise went to get some brownies from the vegan food stall + that was quite nice. the whole thing was genuinely like freshers fair but a massive version for the whole town.. i mean, there were even freebies - i got a sticker that said: all i want for christmas is EU haha. at this point it was extremely rainy and really muddy and we'd been walking around for like 3 hours ish but i had my wellies on and also had good company so embraced the bad weather. which tbh, along with the christmas music and crowds made for a nice atmosphere.
after the fair, we quickly went into tescos, i purchased some dried mango and orange juice then went to turquoise's and we just had a long chat. i accidentally lost track of time and had to rush off to rehearsals without dinner. arrived 15 mins late but luckily it didn't matter too much. rehearsals were tiring but good.
after that i went to watch narnia with everyone cause we were having a festive movie night. we went to scarlett's room cause she has the biggest bedroom. all the girls live on the same road but different shared houses and all of them have gigantic bedrooms and it's great.
i've just gotten home from a lovely day but need to have my dinner now as the fruit from earlier wasn't exactly filling. my friends from the other university are leaving tomorrow which is quite sad. their term finishes so ridiculously early. tomorrow i have frisbee in the afternoon which i'm looking forward to but until then goodnight.
so yesterday evening i went to collect my new clothes and they made me very very excited.
this morning i had breakfast then me and the girls met up to go to the winter fair. the actual fair was very rubbish + a disappointment but i had such a wonderful time with everyone and so that didn't even matter. i did see some amazing earrings but they were very expensive. after we'd had a look round the arty farty bits, me fuschia and turquoise went to get some brownies from the vegan food stall + that was quite nice. the whole thing was genuinely like freshers fair but a massive version for the whole town.. i mean, there were even freebies - i got a sticker that said: all i want for christmas is EU haha. at this point it was extremely rainy and really muddy and we'd been walking around for like 3 hours ish but i had my wellies on and also had good company so embraced the bad weather. which tbh, along with the christmas music and crowds made for a nice atmosphere.
after the fair, we quickly went into tescos, i purchased some dried mango and orange juice then went to turquoise's and we just had a long chat. i accidentally lost track of time and had to rush off to rehearsals without dinner. arrived 15 mins late but luckily it didn't matter too much. rehearsals were tiring but good.
after that i went to watch narnia with everyone cause we were having a festive movie night. we went to scarlett's room cause she has the biggest bedroom. all the girls live on the same road but different shared houses and all of them have gigantic bedrooms and it's great.
i've just gotten home from a lovely day but need to have my dinner now as the fruit from earlier wasn't exactly filling. my friends from the other university are leaving tomorrow which is quite sad. their term finishes so ridiculously early. tomorrow i have frisbee in the afternoon which i'm looking forward to but until then goodnight.
Glad to hear you had a lovely day. Do you have any plans for your Christmas holiday period?
Hmmm, odd...It looks like lots of the photos you posted at the end of your posts on the earlier pages of this thread have disappeared/expired (or at least they have for me, I can't see them on Chrome, Safari or Firefox). I was in a place today (won't say where to potentially protect your university anonymity) and I walked right by a scene and had déja vu. For a while I couldn't place where I had seen that image before and then it hit me that the exact same photo/image had been on your thread a while back if my semi-photographic memory serves me. I then tried to find the photo on your thread to compare and it's sadly disappeared 
. All I'll say is that the image you posted was by some water. And the comment about your other friends seems to corroborate it further) so it's possible I was in the same place as Anon_98 today! I could have walked right past you!
Don't know if the winter fair you mentioned is the same as a Christmas market, but the place I was in today had a smallish, slightly rubbishy Christmas market with quite a few hoodie stands and bright green/red Christmas jumpers hanging from some of them. There were also a lot of Christmas carol singers dispersed on the streets of this place..
There's also an arts/crafts area in this place: it's a little enclosure surrounded by railings and as soon as you go in the first thing on the right is a large stall of leather belts...
. All I'll say is that the image you posted was by some water. And the comment about your other friends seems to corroborate it further) so it's possible I was in the same place as Anon_98 today! I could have walked right past you! Don't know if the winter fair you mentioned is the same as a Christmas market, but the place I was in today had a smallish, slightly rubbishy Christmas market with quite a few hoodie stands and bright green/red Christmas jumpers hanging from some of them. There were also a lot of Christmas carol singers dispersed on the streets of this place..
There's also an arts/crafts area in this place: it's a little enclosure surrounded by railings and as soon as you go in the first thing on the right is a large stall of leather belts...
(edited 5 years ago)
02/12/2018
today i had a long lie in then went to frisbee for two hours. frisbee was great and exhausting - i had missed a couple weeks bc of various reasons but it was so good + fun to be back in there. it's the last one of this semester but i'm going to defo try and attend more next term.
when i got back i had the rest of my chocolate cake and i have not and cannot create a meal tonight bc i'm so knackered so currently just breathing in the dark. i am, of course, starving.
i genuinely can't bear the thought of these next two weeks. it starts tomorrow and is making me so anxious. they are going to be so busy. like everything is always so busy here but it's *somehow* going to be even more extremely hectic cause of deadlines and we've got so many socials before we break up and i keep saying this but i genuinely do not know how i'm going to manage it. ugh. every single day is filled to the brim and between it i need to do my work and save me.
got a super bad headache tonight. i'm not feeling great in general. need to spend at least an hour cleaning before i go to bed though but yeah goodnight for now.
lmao at the above.. i will reply soon.
today i had a long lie in then went to frisbee for two hours. frisbee was great and exhausting - i had missed a couple weeks bc of various reasons but it was so good + fun to be back in there. it's the last one of this semester but i'm going to defo try and attend more next term.
when i got back i had the rest of my chocolate cake and i have not and cannot create a meal tonight bc i'm so knackered so currently just breathing in the dark. i am, of course, starving.
i genuinely can't bear the thought of these next two weeks. it starts tomorrow and is making me so anxious. they are going to be so busy. like everything is always so busy here but it's *somehow* going to be even more extremely hectic cause of deadlines and we've got so many socials before we break up and i keep saying this but i genuinely do not know how i'm going to manage it. ugh. every single day is filled to the brim and between it i need to do my work and save me.
got a super bad headache tonight. i'm not feeling great in general. need to spend at least an hour cleaning before i go to bed though but yeah goodnight for now.
lmao at the above.. i will reply soon.
so i'm really sad and stressed right now. i'm literally having a breakdown. i can't cope with the stress of this semester like i literally can't cope bc i just can't. like yeah i know i have some really enjoyable things coming up and i am having a good time and whatever but it's literally all too much and i may love my course but i don't think i'm going to get my work done and it's really upsetting bc it's really important to me like very extremely important and i have too much to do and i just think it's too many things at once and deadlines just really upset me and i'm especially quite sad at everyone going home and it's just making me feel really upset and i'm absolutely not telling anyone that i'm staying for a while longer bc that's just downright upsetting and i haven't done a food shop and i'm very hungry cause i haven't ate properly in ages like yesterday i had a wrap but it wasn't very good or supper-like and the day before that i made the most vile pasta ever and i don't have the energy to make anything for myself bc i am so very DRAINED beyond belief and i need to clean cause i don't have any bowls left so i can't even make cereal and i had cereal in a glass this morning but i don't even have a singular clean glass or mug and i could feel it coming so it's fine but it's absolutely not fine cause it's just all very upsetting and demanding and majorly saddening and i'm crying and i need to just clean and go to bed cause it's also past my bedtime and this isn't helping my headache at all. so yeah i'm a bit overwhelmed and i don't like any of it and i just don't want to be here. i don't feel good.
Original post by Plantagenet Crown
Hmmm, odd...It looks like lots of the photos you posted at the end of your posts on the earlier pages of this thread have disappeared/expired (or at least they have for me, I can't see them on Chrome, Safari or Firefox). I was in a place today (won't say where to potentially protect your university anonymity) and I walked right by a scene and had déja vu. For a while I couldn't place where I had seen that image before and then it hit me that the exact same photo/image had been on your thread a while back if my semi-photographic memory serves me. I then tried to find the photo on your thread to compare and it's sadly disappeared . All I'll say is that the image you posted was by some water. And the comment about your other friends seems to corroborate it further) so it's possible I was in the same place as Anon_98 today! I could have walked right past you!
Don't know if the winter fair you mentioned is the same as a Christmas market, but the place I was in today had a smallish, slightly rubbishy Christmas market with quite a few hoodie stands and bright green/red Christmas jumpers hanging from some of them. There were also a lot of Christmas carol singers dispersed on the streets of this place..
There's also an arts/crafts area in this place: it's a little enclosure surrounded by railings and as soon as you go in the first thing on the right is a large stall of leather belts...
. All I'll say is that the image you posted was by some water. And the comment about your other friends seems to corroborate it further) so it's possible I was in the same place as Anon_98 today! I could have walked right past you! Don't know if the winter fair you mentioned is the same as a Christmas market, but the place I was in today had a smallish, slightly rubbishy Christmas market with quite a few hoodie stands and bright green/red Christmas jumpers hanging from some of them. There were also a lot of Christmas carol singers dispersed on the streets of this place..
There's also an arts/crafts area in this place: it's a little enclosure surrounded by railings and as soon as you go in the first thing on the right is a large stall of leather belts...
haha that's amazing + defo likely i hope you had a good time and it's not just you. the website i used to upload photos on went private so everything disappeared. i do of course know the one you mean though. compared to what i'm used to i thought it was very large. but yes .. carol singers galore lol. there was one band i liked but i don't think you'd have seen them bc they were located near the antiques bit which was sort of hidden. and yes i was referring to the same thing.. i can't remember any belts but that might be down to the fact i don't pay much attention to things which don't interest me.
Original post by 8472
Glad to hear you had a lovely day. Do you have any plans for your Christmas holiday period?
Glad to hear you had a lovely day. Do you have any plans for your Christmas holiday period?
thank you - i'll be studying for the most part.
3/12
i overslept and missed my studio. dragged myself to my afternoon seminar looking like even more of a sight than usual. in the afternoon i got a call for an interview. after uni teal came round + helped me with dinner i had courgettes and pasta and it was nice. we made enough so i'd have a meal for tuesday too. then we watched elf and chilled and stuff.
4/12
spoke to my sibling this morning. went to my interview in the afternoon and tried my best to a) look presentable b) hold it together. good news is i got the job. pleased. i start next week. i'm going to take a nap now study after then in the evening i'm going ice skating with my friends which should cheer me up a bit.
i overslept and missed my studio. dragged myself to my afternoon seminar looking like even more of a sight than usual. in the afternoon i got a call for an interview. after uni teal came round + helped me with dinner i had courgettes and pasta and it was nice. we made enough so i'd have a meal for tuesday too. then we watched elf and chilled and stuff.
4/12
spoke to my sibling this morning. went to my interview in the afternoon and tried my best to a) look presentable b) hold it together. good news is i got the job. pleased. i start next week. i'm going to take a nap now study after then in the evening i'm going ice skating with my friends which should cheer me up a bit.
Original post by Anon_98
3/12
i overslept and missed my studio. dragged myself to my afternoon seminar looking like even more of a sight than usual. in the afternoon i got a call for an interview. after uni teal came round + helped me with dinner i had courgettes and pasta and it was nice. we made enough so i'd have a meal for tuesday too. then we watched elf and chilled and stuff.
4/12
spoke to my sibling this morning. went to my interview in the afternoon and tried my best to a) look presentable b) hold it together. good news is i got the job. pleased. i start next week. i'm going to take a nap now study after then in the evening i'm going ice skating with my friends which should cheer me up a bit.
i overslept and missed my studio. dragged myself to my afternoon seminar looking like even more of a sight than usual. in the afternoon i got a call for an interview. after uni teal came round + helped me with dinner i had courgettes and pasta and it was nice. we made enough so i'd have a meal for tuesday too. then we watched elf and chilled and stuff.
4/12
spoke to my sibling this morning. went to my interview in the afternoon and tried my best to a) look presentable b) hold it together. good news is i got the job. pleased. i start next week. i'm going to take a nap now study after then in the evening i'm going ice skating with my friends which should cheer me up a bit.
Well done Anon!
Hope you enjoy the ice skating
Update for 05/12/2018
22:31 - so last night was thoroughly miserable again. i've been feeling really undeserving and have been forcing myself to continue to be as much of a person as i can be + it's just been terrible. it meant this morning i overslept again too and missed a spatial drawing class. i'm beyond embarrassed + hate myself for it cause i missed important stuff but it's happened so there's not much i can do other than call myself a disappointment and reduce myself to tears. believe it or not this is me trying my best but i'm not managing any of it well. unfortunately.
i then went to a trip meeting cause we're going abroad in the next semester. then i had a studio workshop and it was just so stressful. don't even want to go over it.
after uni, silver came round and we baked xmas cookies together. decorating was most fun. they are so yummy and i've shared them with my flatmates. we also cooked dinner which means i have a meal for tomorrow too. feeding myself is proving to be a big challenge lately hence why i've been getting my friends to help me.
need to remember to call my manager tomorrow cause i need to go in to complete my paperwork. don't really have much more to say so goodnight.
22:31 - so last night was thoroughly miserable again. i've been feeling really undeserving and have been forcing myself to continue to be as much of a person as i can be + it's just been terrible. it meant this morning i overslept again too and missed a spatial drawing class. i'm beyond embarrassed + hate myself for it cause i missed important stuff but it's happened so there's not much i can do other than call myself a disappointment and reduce myself to tears. believe it or not this is me trying my best but i'm not managing any of it well. unfortunately.
i then went to a trip meeting cause we're going abroad in the next semester. then i had a studio workshop and it was just so stressful. don't even want to go over it.
after uni, silver came round and we baked xmas cookies together. decorating was most fun. they are so yummy and i've shared them with my flatmates. we also cooked dinner which means i have a meal for tomorrow too. feeding myself is proving to be a big challenge lately hence why i've been getting my friends to help me.
need to remember to call my manager tomorrow cause i need to go in to complete my paperwork. don't really have much more to say so goodnight.
Original post by Anon_98
Update for 05/12/2018
22:31 - so last night was thoroughly miserable again. i've been feeling really undeserving and have been forcing myself to continue to be as much of a person as i can be + it's just been terrible. it meant this morning i overslept again too and missed a spatial drawing class. i'm beyond embarrassed + hate myself for it cause i missed important stuff but it's happened so there's not much i can do other than call myself a disappointment and reduce myself to tears. believe it or not this is me trying my best but i'm not managing any of it well. unfortunately.
i then went to a trip meeting cause we're going abroad in the next semester. then i had a studio workshop and it was just so stressful. don't even want to go over it.
after uni, silver came round and we baked xmas cookies together. decorating was most fun. they are so yummy and i've shared them with my flatmates. we also cooked dinner which means i have a meal for tomorrow too. feeding myself is proving to be a big challenge lately hence why i've been getting my friends to help me.
need to remember to call my manager tomorrow cause i need to go in to complete my paperwork. don't really have much more to say so goodnight.
22:31 - so last night was thoroughly miserable again. i've been feeling really undeserving and have been forcing myself to continue to be as much of a person as i can be + it's just been terrible. it meant this morning i overslept again too and missed a spatial drawing class. i'm beyond embarrassed + hate myself for it cause i missed important stuff but it's happened so there's not much i can do other than call myself a disappointment and reduce myself to tears. believe it or not this is me trying my best but i'm not managing any of it well. unfortunately.
i then went to a trip meeting cause we're going abroad in the next semester. then i had a studio workshop and it was just so stressful. don't even want to go over it.
after uni, silver came round and we baked xmas cookies together. decorating was most fun. they are so yummy and i've shared them with my flatmates. we also cooked dinner which means i have a meal for tomorrow too. feeding myself is proving to be a big challenge lately hence why i've been getting my friends to help me.
need to remember to call my manager tomorrow cause i need to go in to complete my paperwork. don't really have much more to say so goodnight.
omg I love the cookies so much
it's ok, every student misses stuff sometimes, it happens
you will catch up though, sounds like you've found yourself some really great friends and it's so good to see you making sure you do eat even if it means getting your friends to help, it's so proactive
I LOVE THE COOKIES OMG XMAS IS HERE PEOPLE 
Original post by Anon_98
Update for 05/12/2018
22:31 - so last night was thoroughly miserable again. i've been feeling really undeserving and have been forcing myself to continue to be as much of a person as i can be + it's just been terrible. it meant this morning i overslept again too and missed a spatial drawing class. i'm beyond embarrassed + hate myself for it cause i missed important stuff but it's happened so there's not much i can do other than call myself a disappointment and reduce myself to tears. believe it or not this is me trying my best but i'm not managing any of it well. unfortunately.
i then went to a trip meeting cause we're going abroad in the next semester. then i had a studio workshop and it was just so stressful. don't even want to go over it.
after uni, silver came round and we baked xmas cookies together. decorating was most fun. they are so yummy and i've shared them with my flatmates. we also cooked dinner which means i have a meal for tomorrow too. feeding myself is proving to be a big challenge lately hence why i've been getting my friends to help me.
need to remember to call my manager tomorrow cause i need to go in to complete my paperwork. don't really have much more to say so goodnight.
22:31 - so last night was thoroughly miserable again. i've been feeling really undeserving and have been forcing myself to continue to be as much of a person as i can be + it's just been terrible. it meant this morning i overslept again too and missed a spatial drawing class. i'm beyond embarrassed + hate myself for it cause i missed important stuff but it's happened so there's not much i can do other than call myself a disappointment and reduce myself to tears. believe it or not this is me trying my best but i'm not managing any of it well. unfortunately.
i then went to a trip meeting cause we're going abroad in the next semester. then i had a studio workshop and it was just so stressful. don't even want to go over it.
after uni, silver came round and we baked xmas cookies together. decorating was most fun. they are so yummy and i've shared them with my flatmates. we also cooked dinner which means i have a meal for tomorrow too. feeding myself is proving to be a big challenge lately hence why i've been getting my friends to help me.
need to remember to call my manager tomorrow cause i need to go in to complete my paperwork. don't really have much more to say so goodnight.
Those cookies are so well decorated! Mine just look like a dog's dinner (could you expect anything else?
)Glad that your friends are helping you with cooking, they sound like they are great friends to have
Update for 06/12/2018
23:43 - so in the morning i ran errands then in the afternoon i went on a long cycle ride with sepia. hadn't been in ages and so we thought it'd be nice to have a session to clear our minds. it had been raining so everything was a bit slippier than i'd like but i enjoyed it + it was nice spending time together. it was like 5:30 by the time we were done and i needed to be at university for 6pm cause rehearsals so went to new look quickly then made my way there. bought another black jumpsuit cause it was on sale. will i ever stop spending my money on velvet clothes. that'd be a no. i also bought some dangly reindeer earrings cause festive spirit etcetera. didn't have time to go back home to change so had to act in my sportswear + was just feeling really self conscious the whole time. it was really long + we finished at 10pm and i got home at 10:30 so i'm basically exhausted. goodnight for now.
23:43 - so in the morning i ran errands then in the afternoon i went on a long cycle ride with sepia. hadn't been in ages and so we thought it'd be nice to have a session to clear our minds. it had been raining so everything was a bit slippier than i'd like but i enjoyed it + it was nice spending time together. it was like 5:30 by the time we were done and i needed to be at university for 6pm cause rehearsals so went to new look quickly then made my way there. bought another black jumpsuit cause it was on sale. will i ever stop spending my money on velvet clothes. that'd be a no. i also bought some dangly reindeer earrings cause festive spirit etcetera. didn't have time to go back home to change so had to act in my sportswear + was just feeling really self conscious the whole time. it was really long + we finished at 10pm and i got home at 10:30 so i'm basically exhausted. goodnight for now.
Original post by Anon_98
08/12/2018
right so i have a deadline on monday and i made a thread asking people to be nice to me. yeah you could say i'm a bit stressed. i've been crying all day. i was crying all day yesterday until like 8pm when i finally managed to get it together after some help.
the goss is i haven't done anything today except cry. i mean i tried but then i just ended up crying. me. i did that.
i don't even know what i'm going to end up presenting. i keep getting furious and having meltdowns. it is relentless. i don't even have tomorrow to continue with it cause i'm at work for most of the day. i just want a hug. honestly cant do it. im now crying. certified crybaby not me.
right so i have a deadline on monday and i made a thread asking people to be nice to me. yeah you could say i'm a bit stressed. i've been crying all day. i was crying all day yesterday until like 8pm when i finally managed to get it together after some help.
the goss is i haven't done anything today except cry. i mean i tried but then i just ended up crying. me. i did that.
i don't even know what i'm going to end up presenting. i keep getting furious and having meltdowns. it is relentless. i don't even have tomorrow to continue with it cause i'm at work for most of the day. i just want a hug. honestly cant do it. im now crying. certified crybaby not me.
You can do it Anon
I'm always here10/12/2018
These past few days have been shocking.
We won't talk about them bc we just won't.
I won't pretend I'm in anyway surprised that I ended up having a full on meltdown over it bc I knew it'd happen. I just didn't realise it'd be as bad as it was and I lose control easier than I'd like. It's been one of the hardest times and painfully devoid of any stability but this term is almost over now so I just need to hang on for a bit longer.
Bar freshers week, I've genuinely been off the rails since university started and I need to try keep in check with my emotions for this final part. There is not long to go.
The goal for the next deadline in january is to not have a massive panic in any form whatsoever. If I can prevent that for once then I can call this term somewhat successful. Of course it was going to get tough. The problem I have is I didn't prepare myself for it and gave myself no advance warning and so I immediately plummeted when it did get really difficult. Not preparing myself or reminding myself is what I believe results in such enormous outbursts so I'm going to try really hard to make sure it doesn't happen for the january one.
So yesterday I had work so I went to that. It was training and paperwork so very boring and tedious but thankfully I am still getting paid for it. My managers are really nice and the shift was a refreshing change from my bedroom environment - which was very not good. It's a very, well entirely, male dominated workplace and at my interview, one of the questions I had was how I'd feel about being the only female in such a space. Of course I said I'd be fine with it as I've worked with all types of people in the past and it doesn't matter as I tend to get along with everyone but from the short amount of time I've been here everything is surprisingly a lot different. I'll get used to it of course. It's not necessarily bad different, just different.
My shift ended at 3pm and I'm grateful to be properly employed again. I had a temporary seasonal job during october but I'm glad I now have something permanent. After work I met up with my friends and we went christmas shopping. I only stayed for an hour then I went home because I had a lot of studying to do.
I studied the minute I returned and worked really hard on everything and by a little past midnight I I managed to finish everything. I already made my model and left it at uni last week so in the morning I just needed to print. Didn't get much sleep again because intrusive thoughts have been exceptionally bad. But then who does during deadline week really.
This morning I made myself a hot chocolate, walked to uni and went to the library to print. I was half an hour late to class but I assured myself it was fine and made my way to the studio. It was more than fine.
God did I over-stress for this deadline. Prior to the presentation, I was really worried. Whilst I like performing and *mostly* consider myself fairly confident, I don't feel the same way in these sorts of situations bc I get horribly panicky. I don't think I did as well as I could've. Kept stumbling over my words and just cut everything short therefore didn't really elaborate on some cool aspects because I got too nervous.
My tutors were incredibly lovely and I somehow was articulate enough anyway. I received lots of nice comments regarding creativity and one of my tutors said he's really looking forward to seeing my future projects bc he loves the way my brain works and stuff so that was really nice to hear and sort of feels like I've set a bar which I need to maintain. They also said that they liked that I was able to boldly stand by my design and convincingly answer when challenged bc they tend to throw a lot at you at once. It is a bit overwhelming when three tutors are all questioning your work but I think I did well. I also received good constructive feedback and I have improvements to make and yeah, it's super relieving that it's over.
I got back from university at 2-ish then went to a christmas pyjama party and now I'm home. Really knackered especially because I haven't had much rest lately so I'm going to try and get some tonight. Just going to spend the last couple hours before bed planning out a long list of everything I need to complete.
Thanks to everyone who helped in any way whilst I've been having a bit of a moment and being an overall not very good person to be around.
These past few days have been shocking.
We won't talk about them bc we just won't.
I won't pretend I'm in anyway surprised that I ended up having a full on meltdown over it bc I knew it'd happen. I just didn't realise it'd be as bad as it was and I lose control easier than I'd like. It's been one of the hardest times and painfully devoid of any stability but this term is almost over now so I just need to hang on for a bit longer.
Bar freshers week, I've genuinely been off the rails since university started and I need to try keep in check with my emotions for this final part. There is not long to go.
The goal for the next deadline in january is to not have a massive panic in any form whatsoever. If I can prevent that for once then I can call this term somewhat successful. Of course it was going to get tough. The problem I have is I didn't prepare myself for it and gave myself no advance warning and so I immediately plummeted when it did get really difficult. Not preparing myself or reminding myself is what I believe results in such enormous outbursts so I'm going to try really hard to make sure it doesn't happen for the january one.
So yesterday I had work so I went to that. It was training and paperwork so very boring and tedious but thankfully I am still getting paid for it. My managers are really nice and the shift was a refreshing change from my bedroom environment - which was very not good. It's a very, well entirely, male dominated workplace and at my interview, one of the questions I had was how I'd feel about being the only female in such a space. Of course I said I'd be fine with it as I've worked with all types of people in the past and it doesn't matter as I tend to get along with everyone but from the short amount of time I've been here everything is surprisingly a lot different. I'll get used to it of course. It's not necessarily bad different, just different.
My shift ended at 3pm and I'm grateful to be properly employed again. I had a temporary seasonal job during october but I'm glad I now have something permanent. After work I met up with my friends and we went christmas shopping. I only stayed for an hour then I went home because I had a lot of studying to do.
I studied the minute I returned and worked really hard on everything and by a little past midnight I I managed to finish everything. I already made my model and left it at uni last week so in the morning I just needed to print. Didn't get much sleep again because intrusive thoughts have been exceptionally bad. But then who does during deadline week really.
This morning I made myself a hot chocolate, walked to uni and went to the library to print. I was half an hour late to class but I assured myself it was fine and made my way to the studio. It was more than fine.
God did I over-stress for this deadline. Prior to the presentation, I was really worried. Whilst I like performing and *mostly* consider myself fairly confident, I don't feel the same way in these sorts of situations bc I get horribly panicky. I don't think I did as well as I could've. Kept stumbling over my words and just cut everything short therefore didn't really elaborate on some cool aspects because I got too nervous.
My tutors were incredibly lovely and I somehow was articulate enough anyway. I received lots of nice comments regarding creativity and one of my tutors said he's really looking forward to seeing my future projects bc he loves the way my brain works and stuff so that was really nice to hear and sort of feels like I've set a bar which I need to maintain. They also said that they liked that I was able to boldly stand by my design and convincingly answer when challenged bc they tend to throw a lot at you at once. It is a bit overwhelming when three tutors are all questioning your work but I think I did well. I also received good constructive feedback and I have improvements to make and yeah, it's super relieving that it's over.
I got back from university at 2-ish then went to a christmas pyjama party and now I'm home. Really knackered especially because I haven't had much rest lately so I'm going to try and get some tonight. Just going to spend the last couple hours before bed planning out a long list of everything I need to complete.
Thanks to everyone who helped in any way whilst I've been having a bit of a moment and being an overall not very good person to be around.
You're always good to be around. Really well done for getting through it, you've done so well. Sorry it's been such a bad few days though
Update for 12/12/2018
13:12 - Hi. So yesterday afternoon, my friends and I - navy and indigo - went shopping. We were buying things for the formal dinner for wednesday, which is tonight. I got this really nice choker and matching earrings. Was looking pretty feral so I also finally went to get my eyebrows done. Literally haven't done them since like september so that was empowering.
I then came back home, made dinner then went to the girls house. We were celebrating the joint birthday of turquoise and ivory. After we'd had lots of cake and were all dressed up + ready we made our way to da club. Had a really good night lol.
Today I was meant to go to my 10-5. I didn't go and really couldn't be any less bothered. Currently having a very long lie in.
17:36 - So I'll show you what I'm wearing for tonight now because I'll be too busy later on. Took ages to make a decision cause it was basically between this midi black lace dress from river island or this sparkly jumpsuit from urban outfitters and I have gone with the jumpsuit because I just think it's more christmassy and I'm more of a jumpsuit gal then a dress person. Though the dress is really nice and ugh. But the jumpsuit matches my glam jewellery better and I'm going for a stylish + elegant vibe. Pairing it with some black block heels.
You can't really see it in the photo but the jumpsuit is subtly sparkly rainbow and I love it. Ill show you a close up. I literally got way too excited when it first arrived.
I'm looking forward to tonight and really looking forward to seeing everyone. Ill be going over to navy's later to get ready. Had to choose my dinner in advance so I picked stonebaked flatbread topped with camembert + cranberries then chocolate truffle torte for dessert. It's gonna be yumm + funn.
We've got a table booked at a club for after so that will be a nice end to the night. Work hard party harder.
13:12 - Hi. So yesterday afternoon, my friends and I - navy and indigo - went shopping. We were buying things for the formal dinner for wednesday, which is tonight. I got this really nice choker and matching earrings. Was looking pretty feral so I also finally went to get my eyebrows done. Literally haven't done them since like september so that was empowering.
I then came back home, made dinner then went to the girls house. We were celebrating the joint birthday of turquoise and ivory. After we'd had lots of cake and were all dressed up + ready we made our way to da club. Had a really good night lol.
Today I was meant to go to my 10-5. I didn't go and really couldn't be any less bothered. Currently having a very long lie in.
17:36 - So I'll show you what I'm wearing for tonight now because I'll be too busy later on. Took ages to make a decision cause it was basically between this midi black lace dress from river island or this sparkly jumpsuit from urban outfitters and I have gone with the jumpsuit because I just think it's more christmassy and I'm more of a jumpsuit gal then a dress person. Though the dress is really nice and ugh. But the jumpsuit matches my glam jewellery better and I'm going for a stylish + elegant vibe. Pairing it with some black block heels.
You can't really see it in the photo but the jumpsuit is subtly sparkly rainbow and I love it. Ill show you a close up. I literally got way too excited when it first arrived.
I'm looking forward to tonight and really looking forward to seeing everyone. Ill be going over to navy's later to get ready. Had to choose my dinner in advance so I picked stonebaked flatbread topped with camembert + cranberries then chocolate truffle torte for dessert. It's gonna be yumm + funn.
We've got a table booked at a club for after so that will be a nice end to the night. Work hard party harder.
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