My boyfriend is too close with his mum and won’t make any decisions without her

At the moment, I’m sad and I want to know if this is normal and I’m being unreasonable or if it’s weird.

My boyfriend and I have been dating a year, for the first part it was great but now it’s become weird.

He’s always been close with his mum. He lives with his parents still, were both 22 and he can’t make a decision himself. Like about anything. His mum has to apply for jobs for him. Sometimes I sit there and ask to do it for him and help out, he’ll say “No, it has to be my mum like I just trust her”

He always calls her, every day. And he can’t decide to do anything with me without her permission even if we’re at mine and want to go away for a few days, he has to text and ask. If we’re at his, and we want to go to the shop for a drink, he has to ask her if she wants to come. Sometimes I’m like “Why can’t it just be us??”

He always talks to her about everything and doesn’t include me in any of the decision making. Like even if it involves us, what his mum wants is more important than anything.

And when we stay at his, sometimes we’ll be upstairs together and he’ll just go and sit with his mum and leave me in his room by myself and he’ll just say “I wanted to go and keep my mum company and talk to her for a while” Why not ask me to go as well then? Or just talk to her when I’m not there cause I’m there to see my boyfriend?

Am I being weird about this? Cause it’s really making me angry.

Reply 1

DrawTheLine

Original post by sunshinexx1

No you're right to feel like this and it's an unhealthy relationship he has with his mum. Why does he feel the need to ask her permission when he's an adult? I personally would ask him to reduce the amount he involves his mum or the relationship ends. It's not fair on you.

Reply 2

xEmilyxx

That's weird and sounds like something a 12 year old would do, not someone whose in their early twenties. It sounds like he is just so used to being babied that he literally has to cling to her or something. I would hate it if I went to spend time with a friend, let alone a boyfriend, and they rather spend their time with their parents than me. He has a lot of time to spend with her whereas with you it's a lot less hours in the day.

Unless she's terminal there's no reason for his behaviour.

Reply 3

minivampire

Similar situation...

My ex boyfriend was 22, lived with his parents.
We saw each other once a week, she told him we see each other too mucj (we were together two years), so the days started going down...
That is why we argued so much and ultimately broke up...
When we got together he had no job, no career prospects, never went out with his friends.
Getting with me - I was making my way to uni, part time job and lived in my own house.
He had the chance to live with me after he proposed to me.. but yeah.

It is nice for your partner to have a relationship with their family, but I feel it can be too much sometimes...
Maybe have a word with him about it?
Don't let it become like mine :redface:

I miss him dearly

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 4

username2393237

Norman bates...

Seriously, it seems like his mum has indulged him his whole life; he is now a needy and insecure adult who hasn't really grown up enough. Unfortunately, you're either going to have to learn to live with it or move on. Do you see this as a long-term relationship or just good for right now? There's no point talking to him about it because you will never change him. I would move on personally.

Reply 5

KanyesVest

Ugh god, run a mile from this mummy’s boy and find a real man. Imagine your honeymoon with mummy sat on the edge of the bed watching coz baby boy didn’t want to leave her alone. 😳

Reply 6

bones-mccoy

This guy needs to grow up. Imagine being 22 and having your mum doing job applications for you. How embarrassing.

It's nice when people have a good relationship with one or both of their parents but he is clearly too close to his mum and it's really off-putting. If things don't change soon then I don't see this relationship working out, she'll be involved in everything - buying a house, having kids, getting married, the honeymoon, his job etc. It will become suffocating. A relationship is between two people, not 3. Speak to him.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

This is a tricky one, as you don't want to upset your boyfriend or his mother.

I had a similar issue with my boyfriend in the early years of our relationship - I had a lot of respect for him and his mum being close, but because of various family events over the years it had made her rather clingy and at times it felt like there were three of us in the relationship. She'd call him when we were out on dates, come to our flat nearly every week and make silly comments like "why haven't you had a shave?" which made me cringe. I felt awful at times but eventually flipped out when he left during the middle of a meal to go comfort her when she'd had a bad day at work. He's grown up a lot now, and has learned that I'm not his mother and won't do his laundry or washing up for him, and I'm sure your boyfriend will get to that stage too.

You could gently remind him that he is an adult and can make decisions for himself though, asking her if he can go away with you for a few days is a little childish.