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Lack of 'experience' (Girls - please read :) )
Right, well I'm male, 23 and have absolutely no sexual experience. I had 'girlfriends' at various stages when I was at school, but the physical stuff never esculated beyond kissing, partly due to my general awkwardness.
As you can probably guess, I'm not the most confident person in the world and am always pretty nervous in new situations. However, in recent months I've been working really hard at sorting out my anxiety issues and I'm starting to see some (albeit mild) progress. The thing that's concerning me now is what will happen if I do actually meet a girl and things get 'intimate'. I'm worried that my lack of experience and nerves are going to be so blatant that she'll be put off me straight away. I mean, what if I was to meet someone who was 19 or 20 who's got more experience than me? It's not an ego thing, I just fear that it'll lead to embarrassment and rejection.
I have considered ways around this, neither of which will be popular choices. Firstly, I could just go out one night to a cattle market club, get pissed and see if I can pull a random girl to sleep with. Now, this is totally out of my character. I don't want to use someone like this, but then you could argue that as long as she's not blind drunk, we're both consenting adults etc, so it's ok.
The alternative would be hiring an escort. The upside of this is I see it as more morally justifiable. If a girl is working for a legitimate agency and being paid a decent wage, I won't be screwing her over (metaphorically
) by just sleeping with her and never seeing her again. But obviously the idea of losing my virginity to an escort is a bit weird, and having to tell a future partner about it would be difficult..
Of course I don't want to do either of these things. In an ideal world I'd meet someone tomorrow who'd make my first time really special. But now I see it as though time is running out. The older I get, the harder it'll be for me to get into a relationship with no experience behind me. I just want to get the first time over with so I'm not a nervous wreck when it happens 'for real' (assuming it does).
So the question I'm really asking is would you be ok with going out/sleeping with someone who's 23 years old and about as experienced as the pope or would you find it a bit weird?
As you can probably guess, I'm not the most confident person in the world and am always pretty nervous in new situations. However, in recent months I've been working really hard at sorting out my anxiety issues and I'm starting to see some (albeit mild) progress. The thing that's concerning me now is what will happen if I do actually meet a girl and things get 'intimate'. I'm worried that my lack of experience and nerves are going to be so blatant that she'll be put off me straight away. I mean, what if I was to meet someone who was 19 or 20 who's got more experience than me? It's not an ego thing, I just fear that it'll lead to embarrassment and rejection.
I have considered ways around this, neither of which will be popular choices. Firstly, I could just go out one night to a cattle market club, get pissed and see if I can pull a random girl to sleep with. Now, this is totally out of my character. I don't want to use someone like this, but then you could argue that as long as she's not blind drunk, we're both consenting adults etc, so it's ok.
The alternative would be hiring an escort. The upside of this is I see it as more morally justifiable. If a girl is working for a legitimate agency and being paid a decent wage, I won't be screwing her over (metaphorically
) by just sleeping with her and never seeing her again. But obviously the idea of losing my virginity to an escort is a bit weird, and having to tell a future partner about it would be difficult..Of course I don't want to do either of these things. In an ideal world I'd meet someone tomorrow who'd make my first time really special. But now I see it as though time is running out. The older I get, the harder it'll be for me to get into a relationship with no experience behind me. I just want to get the first time over with so I'm not a nervous wreck when it happens 'for real' (assuming it does).
So the question I'm really asking is would you be ok with going out/sleeping with someone who's 23 years old and about as experienced as the pope or would you find it a bit weird?
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Do neither of these. Wait till you find someone special, it'll mean a lot more
sugar_and_spice
Do neither of these. Wait till you find someone special, it'll mean a lot more
If I don't meet someone in the next year or so, there's a fairly good chance that I'll go insane.
it's not probably not something that would bother women of that age. Women in their late 20s +, probably, but as of right now it won't be a huge thing, infact there are probably some women out there who like the idea of a male virgin.
Plus, if you're having to learn from her, it'll make you a better lover in the long run
Plus, if you're having to learn from her, it'll make you a better lover in the long run
I've said it time and again on these forums and I'll say it again. I see non-experience as a huge turn-on in a man. Not really in a kinky way (I don't get fantasies about being dominant) but simply because it makes it more special that way and it's so rare to find guys like that. I think most girls would love to be the "first one" for their boyfriend and I very highly doubt that anyone who wants a serious relationship with you would ever be put off.
What do you think is stopping you from "finding someone" out of interest? Is that you don't know many women or that women don't generally go for you?
What do you think is stopping you from "finding someone" out of interest? Is that you don't know many women or that women don't generally go for you?
I would be completely fine with it, and happy that you hadn't been with as many girls as you could find. Anyone who would be weird about it is just not worth the time in my opinion. When the time comes, just take it slow and try not to worry, it was everyone's first time once.
seriously, do neither. 23's hardly old and you're making the situation out to be a lot worse than it really is! as has been said, because it's rarer that makes it more special imo and there will be plenty of girls who'd be absolutely fine with that. and then you can continue your relationship without the awkwardness of bringing up that you lost your virginity to an escort or whatever.
Well, obviously, one would question WHY the person is so inexperienced. Are they physically repulsive? Do they have the personality of a gnat? Are they terrible at relationships?
From your post, it seems like you are none of the above. You're just a bit nervous and you haven't fallen entirely prey to your hormones (that is, shagging the first thing in sight as soon as you were physically able)...
What I think you should do is:
1. DON'T use a prostitute, for God's sake!
2. Work on your anxiety issues, see how it goes... meet a nice girl, tell her the truth, see what happens.
3. If the above doesn't work, and she runs a mile (which I doubt she would), then go to a club and pull someone. Get it over with. But that won't help your anxiety issues, and you might just end up hating yourself for it.
But are you anxious and reticent about relationships as a whole, or just sexual stuff?
From your post, it seems like you are none of the above. You're just a bit nervous and you haven't fallen entirely prey to your hormones (that is, shagging the first thing in sight as soon as you were physically able)...
What I think you should do is:
1. DON'T use a prostitute, for God's sake!
2. Work on your anxiety issues, see how it goes... meet a nice girl, tell her the truth, see what happens.
3. If the above doesn't work, and she runs a mile (which I doubt she would), then go to a club and pull someone. Get it over with. But that won't help your anxiety issues, and you might just end up hating yourself for it.
But are you anxious and reticent about relationships as a whole, or just sexual stuff?
ooooooh!!!! im a 23 y/o v as well!! how are there so many of us only on TSR but not in real life?
DONT wait for someone special. if you want to impress them you will be nervous and a crap shag to lose it with cos at our age it is most unlikely she has been with less than 8 guys. i recommend the cattle market option. because if the morals get to you, or you think you like her, you might end up going out with her properly. some of my mates relationships started out as one nighters. and it isnt immoral - if shes up for it, she gets what she wants and so do you. or you could just text her the next day to check she is ok. but if the sex goes wrong you dont have to see her again.
if you get an escort however, choose an affordable one, WEAR PROTECTION but on the up side for a bit extra she couls probably show you how to do other stuff that women like.
personally id be fine with it in fact i'd love to meet a 23 y/o v but im in the same boat im afraid. another option is go for the quiet boring girls who have had presumably few partners so they wont mind- you dont have to tell them.
and more partners doesnt necessarily make you better, only mroe confident.
DONT wait for someone special. if you want to impress them you will be nervous and a crap shag to lose it with cos at our age it is most unlikely she has been with less than 8 guys. i recommend the cattle market option. because if the morals get to you, or you think you like her, you might end up going out with her properly. some of my mates relationships started out as one nighters. and it isnt immoral - if shes up for it, she gets what she wants and so do you. or you could just text her the next day to check she is ok. but if the sex goes wrong you dont have to see her again.
if you get an escort however, choose an affordable one, WEAR PROTECTION but on the up side for a bit extra she couls probably show you how to do other stuff that women like.
personally id be fine with it in fact i'd love to meet a 23 y/o v but im in the same boat im afraid. another option is go for the quiet boring girls who have had presumably few partners so they wont mind- you dont have to tell them.
and more partners doesnt necessarily make you better, only mroe confident.
Adhsur
I've said it time and again on these forums and I'll say it again. I see non-experience as a huge turn-on in a man. Not really in a kinky way (I don't get fantasies about being dominant) but simply because it makes it more special that way and it's so rare to find guys like that. I think most girls would love to be the "first one" for their boyfriend and I very highly doubt that anyone who wants a serious relationship with you would ever be put off.
I agree completely with this
Adhsur
What do you think is stopping you from "finding someone" out of interest? Is that you don't know many women or that women don't generally go for you?
I used to think it was just my appearance. I'm quite skinny/lanky, and I've always thought that put people off. Also, whenever I meet a girl for the first time I either find myself being all nervous and pathetic and assuming that she thinks I'm an idiot, or I somehow and up getting 'matey' with them through friends or whatever and end up in the 'friendship zone'.
shinytoy
ooooooh!!!! im a 23 y/o v as well!! how are there so many of us only on TSR but not in real life?
DONT wait for someone special. if you want to impress them you will be nervous and a crap shag to lose it with cos at our age it is most unlikely she has been with less than 8 guys. i recommend the cattle market option. because if the morals get to you, or you think you like her, you might end up going out with her properly. some of my mates relationships started out as one nighters. and it isnt immoral - if shes up for it, she gets what she wants and so do you. or you could just text her the next day to check she is ok. but if the sex goes wrong you dont have to see her again.
if you get an escort however, choose an affordable one, WEAR PROTECTION but on the up side for a bit extra she couls probably show you how to do other stuff that women like.
personally id be fine with it in fact i'd love to meet a 23 y/o v but im in the same boat im afraid. another option is go for the quiet boring girls who have had presumably few partners so they wont mind- you dont have to tell them.
and more partners doesnt necessarily make you better, only mroe confident.
DONT wait for someone special. if you want to impress them you will be nervous and a crap shag to lose it with cos at our age it is most unlikely she has been with less than 8 guys. i recommend the cattle market option. because if the morals get to you, or you think you like her, you might end up going out with her properly. some of my mates relationships started out as one nighters. and it isnt immoral - if shes up for it, she gets what she wants and so do you. or you could just text her the next day to check she is ok. but if the sex goes wrong you dont have to see her again.
if you get an escort however, choose an affordable one, WEAR PROTECTION but on the up side for a bit extra she couls probably show you how to do other stuff that women like.
personally id be fine with it in fact i'd love to meet a 23 y/o v but im in the same boat im afraid. another option is go for the quiet boring girls who have had presumably few partners so they wont mind- you dont have to tell them.
and more partners doesnt necessarily make you better, only mroe confident.
sorry but is rubbish advice...i have only had one partner and i do not consider myself to be boring at all, and if you are with someone you are confortable with and who wil make it special then then you shouldnt worry about being a 'crap shag' and your parnter will not judge you.
shinytoy, just because you are insecure doesnt mean you encourage it in other people.
brightxburns
But are you anxious and reticent about relationships as a whole, or just sexual stuff?
The whole thing, really. I know having sex isn't going to make any of the relationship stuff easier, I just think that being inexperienced is making me more nervous and stopping me from approaching girls I like.
in this case perhaps you'd do ok with the random pulling scenario. but i think sex is the main thing. apart from that, since you know that most girls will be more experienced than you, just let her take the lead in everything and follow. there isnt much to it, since once you are int he relationship, she'll like you and you like her so thats it.
shinytoy
how old are you? im not insecure merely honest. i'll bet YOU werent still a virgin when you were 23. in fact im willing to bet you arent even 23 yet. so your not in a position to comment . come back when you grow up.
I think your sexual frustration is clouding your judgement, shinytoy.
I agree with roma1987. DO wait for someone special, if they know you are a virgin they won't expect your first time together to be incredible, but they will care about you and still want to be with you anyway.
If I really liked a guy, I wouldn't care how experienced they were, because I'd be with them for them, not just for sex.
If I really liked a guy, I wouldn't care how experienced they were, because I'd be with them for them, not just for sex.
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