How can I stop loving him?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
I've written a post before about how I feel like I am in love with a guy who very recently got married (i wrote the post just before he got married) and I was advised to let go and move on seeing as he was marrying someone else. However, i am still struggling with these feelings. I wake up everyday longing to be with him and imagining what our lives would be like together. I have no idea how to get past this and how to move on, I can only hope that time will heal me. Does anyone have any ideas on what I should do? Has anyone been through something like this? Like I said these feelings consume me everyday and I think about him frequently.
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
Do you really want to waste your life dreaming about trhe impossible? Until it registers that you're thinking about something that's unattainable, that's what you'll do. There have to be other things that require your attention - work, study, friends etc - and the sooner you turn your attention to them, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life. But no-one can do this except you.
Start by getting involved with your friends and their interests. No doubt they have been wondering about you and this obsession (or if they didn't know about it, they will have been wondering why you have been kinda distant) and they will be happy to have you back, and they will help you get over your impossible dream.
Get involved with the other aspects of your life, and you'll eventually find a real dream!!
4
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#3
(Original post by mikky46)
Do you really want to waste your life dreaming about trhe impossible? Until it registers that you're thinking about something that's unattainable, that's what you'll do. There have to be other things that require your attention - work, study, friends etc - and the sooner you turn your attention to them, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life. But no-one can do this except you.
Start by getting involved with your friends and their interests. No doubt they have been wondering about you and this obsession (or if they didn't know about it, they will have been wondering why you have been kinda distant) and they will be happy to have you back, and they will help you get over your impossible dream.
Get involved with the other aspects of your life, and you'll eventually find a real dream!!
Hey there, thanks for that. You've definitely opened my eyes a bit. I now recognize that there are other aspects to life that are worth addressing. In fact, i dont think i've realized how much time i've invested in caring about this guy and longing to be with him, my whole life has become revolved around him! It's like i've forgotten that there are other things to life that do not involve him. I'll definitely take your advice on board as I think it will help a lot. However, I also feel like I can't necessarily control my feelings. Some days I feel okay, some day I don't. I feel like i'll never love anyone like I love him so falling in love with someone else just isn't even in question for me. I feel like he was the 'one.' I believe in us.
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#4
Report 2 years ago
#4
"I feel like i'll never love anyone like I love him so falling in love with someone else just isn't even in question for me. I feel like he was the 'one.' I believe in us."
Forget about falling in love again - in fact forget about love completely!! Get on with the other aspects of your life - that's what matters for the foreseeable future. And btw, never say 'never'!!
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#5
(Original post by mikky46)
"I feel like i'll never love anyone like I love him so falling in love with someone else just isn't even in question for me. I feel like he was the 'one.' I believe in us."
Forget about falling in love again - in fact forget about love completely!! Get on with the other aspects of your life - that's what matters for the foreseeable future. And btw, never say 'never'!!
Thank you so much. Any ideas on how I can do that though? That's kinda the reason I wrote the post in the first place. I'm looking for ways that I can focus on other aspects of my life and things that I can do too forget about my love life. Thanks though, I really appreciate your help.
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#6
Report 2 years ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much. Any ideas on how I can do that though? That's kinda the reason I wrote the post in the first place. I'm looking for ways that I can focus on other aspects of my life and things that I can do too forget about my love life. Thanks though, I really appreciate your help.
As I said before, it's up to you to focus on other aspects of your life - no-one else can do that for you. Sort out your priorities, and concentrate on getting your life back on track. If you do that, you'll have quite enough to think about!
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#7
Report 2 years ago
#7
I would say distance and not seeing this person whether its in real life or on social media would help. It sounds extreme but if its that difficult to stop thinking about him and focus on other things you could go and live in a completely different place to where you are now. It doesnt have to be a permanent move but being somewhere compeltely different would help you to grow further as a person and meet completely different people which can give you a different perspective on life. If living somewhere else is too complicated then things like going to a different country for a few months whether it is to work or to volunteer will help a lot too and again will remind you how much more there is to life than this one person. Also as tims goes by things get better IF you are keeping yourself busy and enjoying yourself.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I would say distance and not seeing this person whether its in real life or on social media would help. It sounds extreme but if its that difficult to stop thinking about him and focus on other things you could go and live in a completely different place to where you are now. It doesnt have to be a permanent move but being somewhere compeltely different would help you to grow further as a person and meet completely different people which can give you a different perspective on life. If living somewhere else is too complicated then things like going to a different country for a few months whether it is to work or to volunteer will help a lot too and again will remind you how much more there is to life than this one person. Also as tims goes by things get better IF you are keeping yourself busy and enjoying yourself.

Hey there, thanks for the response.Thankfully I dont have to see him in real life. I have all his siblings on social media so they posted stuff when it was his wedding and that. Unfortunately, living somewhere completely different would definitely be too complicated for me, but I quite like the idea of going to a different country for a few months. I definitely definitely need to be reminded of how vast life is and that there is more to it than him. However, in the event that i cannot go to a different country and do new stuff is there anything else you'd suggest that I do whilst I'm still living where I currently live? I often watch tv shows, films, etc and I personally enjoy ones that involve romance but it's kinda hard at the same time because it reminds me of my own love life.
0
reply
New Identity
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#9
Report 2 years ago
#9
Be happy for him and time will heal your wounds.

Make sure that you live your life to the fullest so that you wont regret moving on.

Good luck
1
reply
The Rising
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#10
Report 2 years ago
#10
realise that love is a load of bs
1
reply
unexpecteduk
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#11
Report 2 years ago
#11
(Original post by The Rising)
realise that love is a load of bs
this ^
you either end up hurting someone else or you hurt yourself, or they hurt you.

thinking about someone isnt going to achieve anything but hurting yourself. Its best to let things go and move forward, the faster you let go and no longer think about them the happier you will be. you will find someone else lol...
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#12
(Original post by The Rising)
realise that love is a load of bs
(Original post by unexpecteduk)
this ^
you either end up hurting someone else or you hurt yourself, or they hurt you.
But don’t you believe in love? I believe it can be a good thing, in fact a magical thing. I’ve always loved weddings and the idea of people loving each other. Despite the fact that in my situation I am definitely hurt I still believe in love and the happiness it can bring.
0
reply
unexpecteduk
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#13
Report 2 years ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
But don’t you believe in love? I believe it can be a good thing, in fact, a magical thing. I’ve always loved weddings and the idea of people loving each other. Despite the fact that in my situation I am definitely hurt I still believe in love and the happiness it can bring.
I do believe in love, but you have to accept that things won't be the same forever, people move on and things can get sour.
and that's why you have to learn to let go because people come and go, there's nothing you can do about it apart from moving on
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#14
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#14
(Original post by New Identity)
Be happy for him and time will heal your wounds.

Make sure that you live your life to the fullest so that you wont regret moving on.

Good luck
Thank you I will try
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#15
Report 2 years ago
#15
Keep yourself busy with hobbies/work/socialising. Learn to sit with your feelings and not avoid them. Seek counselling if necessary and for the love of god, don’t look at his social media. It’ll make you feel worse and worse, so just block him. Time really is the only healer unfortunately.
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#16
Report 2 years ago
#16
"I also feel like I can't necessarily control my feelings"

This is so true. Nobody can control the emotions that they feel.

What they can control is how they react to those feelings. Instead of reacting to your feelings of love for this man who has married someone else by sitting at home and pining for him; react by using them to spur you to action. Use them as motivation for action instead of them using them as a cop out excuse to mope around doing nothing.

If I were in your shoes I'd be using this disappointment that you're now feeling to motivate me to go out and get myself a new partner that's more compatible / more desirable than this married man. Whilst at the same time, not neglecting, work, studies, eating properly, doing enough exercise.


When the going gets tough the tough get going.
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#17
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#17
(Original post by unexpecteduk)
I do believe in love, but you have to accept that things won't be the same forever, people move on and things can get sour.
and that's why you have to learn to let go because people come and go, there's nothing you can do about it apart from moving on
That’s true, I wish I never cared for him in the first place, at first it felt good, talking to him felt really good and I felt like we were almost a couple. But then reality kicked in. I guess I just have to give it time and quite a few people on here have said time should heal me. I just wish he felt what I felt, I feel like it’s all one sided
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#18
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
Keep yourself busy with hobbies/work/socialising. Learn to sit with your feelings and not avoid them. Seek counselling if necessary and for the love of god, don’t look at his social media. It’ll make you feel worse and worse, so just block him. Time really is the only healer unfortunately.
Hey there. Thank you ever so much. I think your advice is very practical and will help me. I have his siblings on social media so that’s the only way that I come across anything regarding his life like his wedding and stuff like that. I don’t really wanna have to block all of them as I still talk to them from time to time. Do you know how I can start counselling? Do I have to go to my GP and just tell them? I come from a low income background so I can’t afford it if it costs money.

Also I don’t feel like I have that many friends unfortunately Do you have any ideas on how I can meet more people that are like me? I feel like I have such an unsatisfying social life. I have about 1 or 2 friends that I regularly speak to and I really feel that my social life plays a role because I find myself chilling at home all the time and just thinking about things. I would love to have a lot of friends that I could go out with from time to time.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#19
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#19
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
"I also feel like I can't necessarily control my feelings"

This is so true. Nobody can control the emotions that they feel.

What they can control is how they react to those feelings. Instead of reacting to your feelings of love for this man who has married someone else by sitting at home and pining for him; react by using them to spur you to action. Use them as motivation for action instead of them using them as a cop out excuse to mope around doing nothing.

If I were in your shoes I'd be using this disappointment that you're now feeling to motivate me to go out and get myself a new partner that's more compatible / more desirable than this married man. Whilst at the same time, not neglecting, work, studies, eating properly, doing enough exercise.


When the going gets tough the tough get going.
Thank you for recognizing that. I feel like nobody understands that you can't help how you feel sometimes and who you have feelings for. The worst part is my feelings feel so real. I've had crushes on guys before and wondered if it was real or not but this time I don't need to wonder, I just know. So imagine feeling that strongly about someone and them marrying someone else and not feeling the same way. It's horrible. That's why i've come on here to ask for coping strategies.

I've tried meeting new people, I downloaded a dating app and started talking to a guy on there. Things were going quite well until we exchanged pictures and he said he wasn't attracted to me, which was a bit of a blow to my confidence. But i totally understand your advice of spurring into action and motivating myself to do things. I'll try my best!
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#20
Report 2 years ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for recognizing that. I feel like nobody understands that you can't help how you feel sometimes and who you have feelings for. The worst part is my feelings feel so real. I've had crushes on guys before and wondered if it was real or not but this time I don't need to wonder, I just know. So imagine feeling that strongly about someone and them marrying someone else and not feeling the same way. It's horrible. That's why i've come on here to ask for coping strategies.

I've tried meeting new people, I downloaded a dating app and started talking to a guy on there. Things were going quite well until we exchanged pictures and he said he wasn't attracted to me, which was a bit of a blow to my confidence. But i totally understand your advice of spurring into action and motivating myself to do things. I'll try my best!
That's precisely WHY I suggested you forget about dating for a while! Concentrate on other aspects of your life, and there's every chance that someone will come along without you seeking them out, either on-line or in person!
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have the space and resources you need to succeed in home learning?

Yes I have everything I need (437)
56.24%
I don't have everything I need (340)
43.76%

Watched Threads

View All