What do you think is the main cause of most divorces?

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Cake+Cookies
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Just would like to know what other people think.
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Sataris
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Marriage

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londonmyst
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Affairs, addiction issues, boredom, cruelty, financial problems, violence, incompatibility, lack of commitment.
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Beth_H
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According to the ONS, the most commonly cited grounds for divorce for opposite sex couples in 2016 (the most recent statistics available) was "unreasonable behaviour", which, according to various sources, can range from a lack of sex to physical violence. I would speculate that a lack of intimacy (physical or emotional) is one of, if not the most common reason(s). Financial disputes are probably up there, too.
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BitMel
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Because marriage holds no value anymore. n modern day society couples before marriage are the same as couples after marriage. E.g. they have sex, they cohabit and they get the same treatment basically. So this means that marriage basically doesn't hold as much meaning or value.
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Roger star
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Because they marry too young sometimes. And have not even fully matured and lived life enough.
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username3489684
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well from what I learnt in sociology, there's a fairly basic explanation: people are no longer willing to put up with bad behaviour because they know there are better people out there. There's less social stigma surrounding divorce and greater sympathy and support offered to those who suffered abuse and thus divorce is seen as an option or a way out of these horrible situations.
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username47781
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Lack of communication
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pearl_rose
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I'd love to know the answer to this question too. I think most people marry people they don't necessarily love and know, and then they end up having kids and stay in the marriage for the sake of their children. Also i feel that some people rush into marriage and don't spend enough time getting to know the person.
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pearl_rose
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What i would love to know is, in abusive marriages what on earth brings the 2 people together in the first place??? In fact how do you even marry someone you don't love im baffled.
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MysticImogen
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(Original post by Cake+Cookies)
Just would like to know what other people think.
CHILDREN! My parrents split up because of me
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londonmyst
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Some abusers are able to sense vulnerability, disguise their predatory and sadistic tendencies until they feel secure enough to start verbal/physical abuse.
Then grind the victim down with abuse, cut off from family and friends so victim has nobody to turn to for help.

A lot of people want company, a family or financial security.
I know a few people who admit they married for money or just to have a spouse to bring up children with.
A couple of friends from fringe religious movements had arranged marriages to virtual strangers.

(Original post by pearl_rose)
What i would love to know is, in abusive marriages what on earth brings the 2 people together in the first place??? In fact how do you even marry someone you don't love im baffled.
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pearl_rose
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Some abusers are able to sense vulnerability, disguise their predatory and sadistic tendencies until they feel secure enough to start verbal/physical abuse.
Then grind the victim down with abuse, cut off from family and friends so victim has nobody to turn to for help.

A lot of people want company, a family or financial security.
I know a few people who admit they married for money or just to have a spouse to bring up children with.
A couple of friends from fringe religious movements had arranged marriages to virtual strangers.
I can't believe that people would do that. My idea of marriage is and will always be to marry somebody I have feelings for. I find it really weird that people would want to do something like that. And then people wonder why divorce is so common. Does this mean that love doesn't exist? Also i've heard that apparently some couples that have been married for a several number of years aren't even happy and are actually miserable. Do you think that's true? That many married couples with kids might not even be happy together?
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Anonymous #1
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Lack of effort

People always go to the ends of the earth when they are first dating you, people will be on their best behaviour, keep themselves looking amazing and treat each other like royalty. but then its like after the wedding is over they think they don't have to make the effort anymore. they don't want to compromise over anything, they want to ague about everything little thing and they're suddenly 'too tired' for sex or 'too busy' to make time for you (when during the early days they would happily take time off work to have sex with you and would phone you even if they were exhausted).

I'm so tired of everyone saying it women who go off sex. When I got married my husband went off sex within the first month. You need to understand that me and him were at it like rabbits prior to marriage but as soon as he had settled into married life he was suddenly 'too tired' or 'too busy' for sex. and he'd be home with me for hours before going to bed so we had all this time that we could have been having sex but instead he wanted to talk, eat and watch tv and then as soon as he hit the sack he was 'too tired'. and these words were never part of his vocabulary prior to marriage.

and you're probably all going to call me a thot or say i'm selfish well **** you if you think I'm selfish, theres two people in a marriage and I didn't sign up to have a sexless marriage. and if a woman stopped giving her husband sex everyone would call her selfish so same applies here. he just suddenly wanted it less and less yet I was the selfish one for not being understanding enough. and I was just expected to WAIT for him to be ready. this was the basis to all our arguments, I realised as time went by home selfish he was and how he just wanted everything his own way. I didn't cheat but I did almost cheat (I arranged to meet with a guy) and thats when I realised that it meant our marriage was over.

so only get married if you're actually going to MAKE THE EFFORT to keep it as good as it was prior to marriage.
why do they always give up as soon as the ring is on your finger? do they honestly think people won't walk just because you're now legally bound to each other?
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londonmyst
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Yes, my maternal grandmother has quite a few elderly female friends who are the classic unhappily married for 50+ years.
They are mostly ultra traditionalist catholics but so miserable, a few of them really nasty.
When I was 5 one woman asked me to pray for her husband to die so the almighty would take him off her hands and she wouldn't have to hear him any more.


(Original post by pearl_rose)
I can't believe that people would do that. My idea of marriage is and will always be to marry somebody I have feelings for. I find it really weird that people would want to do something like that. And then people wonder why divorce is so common. Does this mean that love doesn't exist? Also i've heard that apparently some couples that have been married for a several number of years aren't even happy and are actually miserable. Do you think that's true? That many married couples with kids might not even be happy together?
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RichPiana
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Women.


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username2393237
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Unrealistic expectations. I agree that people are much more selfish now and divorce has virtually no stigma in ways.
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username2393237
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Lack of effort

People always go to the ends of the earth when they are first dating you, people will be on their best behaviour, keep themselves looking amazing and treat each other like royalty. but then its like after the wedding is over they think they don't have to make the effort anymore. they don't want to compromise over anything, they want to ague about everything little thing and they're suddenly 'too tired' for sex or 'too busy' to make time for you (when during the early days they would happily take time off work to have sex with you and would phone you even if they were exhausted).

I'm so tired of everyone saying it women who go off sex. When I got married my husband went off sex within the first month. You need to understand that me and him were at it like rabbits prior to marriage but as soon as he had settled into married life he was suddenly 'too tired' or 'too busy' for sex. and he'd be home with me for hours before going to bed so we had all this time that we could have been having sex but instead he wanted to talk, eat and watch tv and then as soon as he hit the sack he was 'too tired'. and these words were never part of his vocabulary prior to marriage.

and you're probably all going to call me a thot or say i'm selfish well **** you if you think I'm selfish, theres two people in a marriage and I didn't sign up to have a sexless marriage. and if a woman stopped giving her husband sex everyone would call her selfish so same applies here. he just suddenly wanted it less and less yet I was the selfish one for not being understanding enough. and I was just expected to WAIT for him to be ready. this was the basis to all our arguments, I realised as time went by home selfish he was and how he just wanted everything his own way. I didn't cheat but I did almost cheat (I arranged to meet with a guy) and thats when I realised that it meant our marriage was over.

so only get married if you're actually going to MAKE THE EFFORT to keep it as good as it was prior to marriage.
why do they always give up as soon as the ring is on your finger? do they honestly think people won't walk just because you're now legally bound to each other?
Do you think he was having an affair? It must be the most frustrating thing in the world if you want to make the effort and the other person doesn't. You can't make a marriage work by yourself.
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shellop
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Men

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV)
Do you think he was having an affair? It must be the most frustrating thing in the world if you want to make the effort and the other person doesn't. You can't make a marriage work by yourself.
That was my immediate thought but he swore blind that not everything meant he was cheating and all his friends and family were the same, all saying nah its not an affair, hes not like that. Plus - other than the lack of sex - i never noticed any signs of there being another woman. theres usually other warning signs like him behaving differently, talking to someone in private or buying stuff for someone else (i've been cheated on in the past). i always knew where he was and used to check his credit card statements and other things and there were no signs. his argument was always the 'why does everything need to be about sex?' case, pretty much stating that he didn't consider it to be that important. i mean i have nothing against people with a low sex drive but for crying out loud at least tell me prior to marriage that you don't think its such a big deal rather than giving me mixed messages by making it seem like you love sex as much as i did but then suddenly lose interest. it was sooooo bloody frustrating. and unfair. yet somehow i came off as the bad guy for walking away. **** that **** I'm still so angry at how it ended
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