The Student Room Group

Students in relationships- How did you feel when..

To cut a long story short. I think ive made my mind up that im going to notts university, about a 4 hour drive from home.
However, this question applies to all of you who left for university in relationships with someone back home/different uni whatever...
How do you cope without them for say, the first month? I'm not talking texts etc, but with them physically being so far away..
And in reality how often do you get to see them when holidays/weekends etc are taken into account?
Any of you felt really lonely due to your other half being so far away for so long whilst you're swotting to get a career?

My boyf and I practically live together, and he's been a fixture in my life for 3 years, so I'm dreading the next episode.. anyone offer any guidance?

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koko-popz
To cut a long story short. I think ive made my mind up that im going to notts university, about a 4 hour drive from home.
However, this question applies to all of you who left for university in relationships with someone back home/different uni whatever...
How do you cope without them for say, the first month? I'm not talking texts etc, but with them physically being so far away..
And in reality how often do you get to see them when holidays/weekends etc are taken into account?
Any of you felt really lonely due to your other half being so far away for so long whilst you're swotting to get a career?

My boyf and I practically live together, and he's been a fixture in my life for 3 years, so I'm dreading the next episode.. anyone offer any guidance?


A coupla weeks into my first first year, we broke up. Though mind we had only been seeing each other for about a month before that and he was two years younger than me, id known him for three years before that and we are still good mates.

That probly doesnt help much, but to put it another way, the following bf graduated at the end of last year and moved back home (scarborough wtfffff) about 3/4 hours away from uni and even further from home. Seeing as i cant handle distance, we broke up properly in Dec just gone, we had been together just short of a year and a half and were basically living together last year.

Im not sure how me telling you any of that is meant to help, but there ya go... **** happens?
Reply 2
Come and see us in the LDR soc - trust me, it works for plenty of people.
If its something special and you are both committed to each other and will have other ways of communicating (e.g. phone/webcam etc) then it is possible! Good luck with it :smile:
Angelil
Come and see us in the LDR soc - trust me, it works for plenty of people.


Oh yeh, that was my other point :redface: loads of people i know do LDRs, its a personal thing, i just cant handle it is all.
Reply 5
back in 2006 my bf started uni for the first year, i was in year 11. And iv got to say its the hardest thing, and it reallly tests a relationship, well were still going out and weve been going out now for more than 2 years. I see him every weekend when he comes home but i still miss him in the week.
it sucks but it can work.
i got with my boyfriend a couple of months before starting uni in 2006 and we're still going strong.

I go home every weekend anyway as i dont particularly like the town where my uni is and i find it boring, so i guess that helps!
Reply 7
Long distance relationships are tricky but you can make it work if you put the effort in. You get used to only seeing them every 3 weeks/months etc and when you see them you put in the extra effort and it is all the more special. You may not be able to physically be with them but things like skype/msn mean that you can talk a fair amount and if you want to you can even introduce a web cam which means you can see them as you talk to them.

When it comes to moving to uni away from them I think the key is though not to spend all your time seeing him or waiting to see him because all this will do is make you resent him. Make sure that you spend time getting settled at university and remember that long distance relationships can work.
Reply 8
I've managed it for the past 1.5 years - it's very much doable.
Reply 9
It will be very hard to make the transition from practically living together as you make it sound and being so far apart initially but you HAVE to try and make a life for yourself at uni - MAKE the effort to get some friends and spend time out in the first few weeks etc, it'll be very important to stop you feeling lonely!

And it's easy for the person not at uni to worry about Freshers week and all that, about you hooking up with someone new, maybe arrange to call every so often and all so they don't feel too left out.

LDRs only work if there is trust and balance :smile:
Reply 10
We didn't cope. I left uni.
Reply 11
It hardly ever works, imo. Long distance relationships are hard by themselves but with the added pressures of being a student in univeristy (I'm talking going out and the temptations of sleeping around) then it really isn't easy in the slightest. Bear in mind that he will be going through the same thing at his university and you'll probably find that given two or three weeks into the first time you'll both realize it isnt right and you'll break up. But think on the positive side, if you and him were meant to be then a) you might work in university or b) after uni then you and reclaim your love.
Reply 12
I actually left uni because (at least, to an extent] I went to the same one as my bf... we broke up. :P
Reply 13
d0mz
It hardly ever works, imo. Long distance relationships are hard by themselves but with the added pressures of being a student in univeristy


Have you seen how many people on this forum have successful LDRs?
Reply 14
suek
Have you seen how many people on this forum have successful LDRs?

It matters how you interpret the word 'successful'.. :rolleyes:
Reply 15
d0mz
It matters how you interpret the word 'successful'..


Well one of the LDR soc members is flying off to Germany today for the end of the "Long Distance" part which has lasted a good 1.5 years. I think that's pretty successful.
Reply 16
My girlfriend lived in Canada (I'm German) and we managed to last 3 years together! We only saw each other every 3 or 4 Month (usually for a month at a time). Now that I'm going to Uni though, itll be more like once a year. We got to a point, where that just wasn't enough any more, so unfortunatly we broke up. But LDRs can definitly work, especially if the partner is just a couple of hours drive away.


Its what you make of it.
Hmmm well sounds to me that you've been together too long to let something like a bit of distance get in the way. I'm in an LDR, have been since I started Uni last September and when we started it we'd been together just over 5months - I'm now off to see him on Thursday (woo!!!) to celebrate our one year anniversary on Friday. It's damn hard work and we both question it at times but we know we'd rather be together like this (Colchester to Portsmouth) than not be together at all. There's plenty of ways to keep in touch - if you're on Vodafone take a look at signing up for Vodafone family - that way you both get unlimited calls to each other and it only costs a fiver a month :smile: Saved our relationship! Freshers week wasn't much of a problem for me because I'm not much into going out/flirting but it is hard sometimes - mainly because my boy has always got on a lot better with girls than guys so I find it hard when he spends a lot of time with them, but the way we both see it is that if one of us wanted to leave for someone else they would have done it by now. This isn't the way we wanted to be together but at the moment, until we both finish Uni it's the only way we can be together so it's worth it :smile: But come visit us in the LDR soc for more info :smile:
Reply 18
Some of them work some of them dont. All 5 of my hallmates who had relationships at the start of the year now dont, but pretty much all my school mates who had relationships still do. Dont know why that is, but anyway, give it a try, just be prepared to accept it might not be for you.
Reply 19
Basically, distance doesn't have to be a big deal if you have your eyes set on the long-term goal.

Relationships don't work over distance if those involved, basically, don't want to end up together and live happily ever after :smile: