Boyfriend cold and driving me mad - please help!

Please keep this anon or delete!! I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now. I'm finding some things difficult to deal with, and I apologize of this post is long!
First off, he's lied to me a few times. I was sending a message off his phone and saw a text from his ex saying 'can we make it in 15 min?'. Meaning whilst I was away on holiday he met up with her. I don't have a problem with that, but when I asked him what he was doing that day he had said 'nothing'. When I confronted him, he said he thought knowing he was meeting her would have upset me.
Then, there's all the online stuff. Before we started going out he was having an 'online relationship'/webcam sex with a girl in Argentina. A friend told me to check out what he'd written on her myspace the other day - I did, and basically it dated from Valentine's Day and said ''Happy Valentine's Day hun, I love you!! xxxxxxxxxxxx'' We were together then!!! :mad:

He's lied more in the past. We weren't together as such, but last year we were I guess ''seeing'' each other - yet he slept with my best friend, who told me about it. He carried on denying it.

I'm not sure what my point is here! To paint a picture, he's pretty nerdy and ''metro'': he has lots of girls as friends, which is a bit uncomfortable but I don't really mind. What I don't know is whether to trust him.

The other thing that's been bothering me is how cold he acts - he insists on coming over to sleep (ha - more like have sex!) every night, but he's so physically unaffectionate. Apart from sex, he'll never just hug me or kiss me or anything. Well he does, but it feels like a bloody miracle when he does so!

I guess I'm just looking to see what people think of this. I don't know what to do anymore. I think the lack of affection is driving me nuts most - he says I love you, and will cook for me, and we do nice things together etc, but I just don't understand his ''coldness'' - we can sit there for an hour without him even touching me. I don't get it. And by the way, I have brought it up/started fights/tried to explain this calmly to him loads of times.

Help??

Reply 1

randdom

It sounds like a difficult siituation. Are you sure that you want to be with this guy? If you are then I think the two of you have to sit down and have a long chat about the way that he has been behaving and how it is making you feel. Obviously things can't go on as they are at the moment.

Reply 2

tom_tom_tom

i would calmly and in a non confrontational way try and explain how you are feeling and how u think he needs to put more of an effort into your relationship more of the stuff thats not just physical, i think talking about it is the best thing to do.

you also have to ask yourself do you want to be in this relationship, or is not what it used to be and has run its course?

im sorry u feel like this, :hugs:

life had a tendancy to be unfair!

Reply 3

Cherry Kisses

He probably doesnt realise what he is doing wrong. He must know - tell him everything!

Reply 4

solihp

Anonymous

I have brought it up/started fights/tried to explain this calmly to him loads of times.
Help??

What's his reaction been? If he's not taking your concerns seriously then you need to be very up front with him, and say that you're having serious doubts about your relationship, then he's more likely to listen. If he still doesn't then I think to be honest I think you have to ask yourself whether you really want to be with him. That said, it could just be that he's overlooking your feelings, which isn't nice, but if you open his eyes a bit, he might change his behaviour. Either way, I hope things work out for the best and good luck :smile:

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