Odd situation with boyfriend's ex
I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, and before we started dating he had been single for a year after ending an 8 year relationship (they drifted apart and he said he should really have ended it 4 years ago but his son got on with her so he stayed).
His ex would text him a lot, mostly about his son, who he still lets her see. He isn't her son, but she raised him from being a toddler and she's more use than his mum has ever been, so they're close. I would never dream of coming between them, that's not what this is about.
It felt as though she was finding any stupid excuse to text him, but making it about the kid. Eventually my boyfriend told her to communicate with his son herself because he's 15 and old enough. So she didn't text as much, but always made an effort to come into the house and sit down when she's picking him up to take him out.
I let a lot of things go, because she's lonely. But I feel like she's taking over. My partner's son stays at his mum's for 50% of holidays, and came back from 3 weeks away on Friday. Immediately, my partner's ex was texting him asking did he want to go out for his tea (he said yes, he'll never say no to food haha) so he was out again within half an hour of getting home. All he'd done was unpack; he hadn't seen me or his dad or 3 weeks yet she was in there the second he got home.
THIS is the weird bit though.
Yesterday she created a new Facebook account for some reason, idk why. She added everyone from her old friend list, and created two photo albums. I assumed she was moving all her old photos over but she hasn't.
She makes dolls so she has an album of those. The other album is titled "Memories" and in that she's put 12 photos of my boyfriend from when they were together. I was a bit freaked out and showed my boyfriend and he thinks it's weird too.
What the actual heck should I do? It just seems like she's hovering over us all the time. There are other things too (she keeps planning events with their mutual friends so that we will go to them, for example) but I don't think anyone's bothered about reading any more haha.
Ftr - my partner never texts her first, when she's picking his son up either I or his son answer the door, and whenever we are out in the same vicinity he makes an effort to stay away from her. One of the reasons they split was because he didn't love her (he says now he never did, but needed stability after his son's mum left) and they had nothing to talk about, so when he's out the last thing he wants to do is be stuck with her.
What can I do? Is it as weird as I think?
My partner is a lot older than me and she's older still at 42, so she should know better - it's not like some teenage obsession!
His ex would text him a lot, mostly about his son, who he still lets her see. He isn't her son, but she raised him from being a toddler and she's more use than his mum has ever been, so they're close. I would never dream of coming between them, that's not what this is about.
It felt as though she was finding any stupid excuse to text him, but making it about the kid. Eventually my boyfriend told her to communicate with his son herself because he's 15 and old enough. So she didn't text as much, but always made an effort to come into the house and sit down when she's picking him up to take him out.
I let a lot of things go, because she's lonely. But I feel like she's taking over. My partner's son stays at his mum's for 50% of holidays, and came back from 3 weeks away on Friday. Immediately, my partner's ex was texting him asking did he want to go out for his tea (he said yes, he'll never say no to food haha) so he was out again within half an hour of getting home. All he'd done was unpack; he hadn't seen me or his dad or 3 weeks yet she was in there the second he got home.
THIS is the weird bit though.
Yesterday she created a new Facebook account for some reason, idk why. She added everyone from her old friend list, and created two photo albums. I assumed she was moving all her old photos over but she hasn't.
She makes dolls so she has an album of those. The other album is titled "Memories" and in that she's put 12 photos of my boyfriend from when they were together. I was a bit freaked out and showed my boyfriend and he thinks it's weird too.
What the actual heck should I do? It just seems like she's hovering over us all the time. There are other things too (she keeps planning events with their mutual friends so that we will go to them, for example) but I don't think anyone's bothered about reading any more haha.
Ftr - my partner never texts her first, when she's picking his son up either I or his son answer the door, and whenever we are out in the same vicinity he makes an effort to stay away from her. One of the reasons they split was because he didn't love her (he says now he never did, but needed stability after his son's mum left) and they had nothing to talk about, so when he's out the last thing he wants to do is be stuck with her.
What can I do? Is it as weird as I think?
My partner is a lot older than me and she's older still at 42, so she should know better - it's not like some teenage obsession!
Bump.. Sorry.
Yeah the facebook photos thing is weird af - like if you wanna keep memories have them on a laptop or phone (even that is odd, I usually delete photos of any ex).
I think you kinda need to bring this up with her - perhaps when the son is not there - but just be honest that you feel like she's clinging onto him when he's clearly moved on with you. But stress that you don't want her relationship with the son to change, just maybe ask her to step back in terms of the planning events with mutual friends and the weird facebook photo thing
If she's 42 she should accept this and listen to you, maybe she doesn't realise what she's doing is upsetting you and your partner and if you bring it up she may apologise and stop doing it, well you'd expect she would at 42 anyway.
I think you kinda need to bring this up with her - perhaps when the son is not there - but just be honest that you feel like she's clinging onto him when he's clearly moved on with you. But stress that you don't want her relationship with the son to change, just maybe ask her to step back in terms of the planning events with mutual friends and the weird facebook photo thing
If she's 42 she should accept this and listen to you, maybe she doesn't realise what she's doing is upsetting you and your partner and if you bring it up she may apologise and stop doing it, well you'd expect she would at 42 anyway.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah the facebook photos thing is weird af - like if you wanna keep memories have them on a laptop or phone (even that is odd, I usually delete photos of any ex).
I think you kinda need to bring this up with her - perhaps when the son is not there - but just be honest that you feel like she's clinging onto him when he's clearly moved on with you. But stress that you don't want her relationship with the son to change, just maybe ask her to step back in terms of the planning events with mutual friends and the weird facebook photo thing
If she's 42 she should accept this and listen to you, maybe she doesn't realise what she's doing is upsetting you and your partner and if you bring it up she may apologise and stop doing it, well you'd expect she would at 42 anyway.
I think you kinda need to bring this up with her - perhaps when the son is not there - but just be honest that you feel like she's clinging onto him when he's clearly moved on with you. But stress that you don't want her relationship with the son to change, just maybe ask her to step back in terms of the planning events with mutual friends and the weird facebook photo thing
If she's 42 she should accept this and listen to you, maybe she doesn't realise what she's doing is upsetting you and your partner and if you bring it up she may apologise and stop doing it, well you'd expect she would at 42 anyway.
Thanks for the reply. My partner has spoken to her about various things relating to her behaviour in the past, but not yet about the Facebook thing. I agree - if she wants to keep her old photos that's fine. If she even wants to leave them public on her Facebook that's fine, as some people can't be bothered with the effort of deleting them.. but to actively upload them to a new account just seems ridiculous to me.
I don't like talking to my partner about it too much, as he thinks she's still in love with him and he feels guilty for breaking up with her.. so it's so hard to broach the topic. She is a nice person (if not a little psycho with how she's behaving now..) and did nothing wrong in their relationship, so he always feels bad for making her move out.. but it just feels like we're in her shadow, and goodness knows what other people think!
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the reply. My partner has spoken to her about various things relating to her behaviour in the past, but not yet about the Facebook thing. I agree - if she wants to keep her old photos that's fine. If she even wants to leave them public on her Facebook that's fine, as some people can't be bothered with the effort of deleting them.. but to actively upload them to a new account just seems ridiculous to me.
I don't like talking to my partner about it too much, as he thinks she's still in love with him and he feels guilty for breaking up with her.. so it's so hard to broach the topic. She is a nice person (if not a little psycho with how she's behaving now..) and did nothing wrong in their relationship, so he always feels bad for making her move out.. but it just feels like we're in her shadow, and goodness knows what other people think!
I don't like talking to my partner about it too much, as he thinks she's still in love with him and he feels guilty for breaking up with her.. so it's so hard to broach the topic. She is a nice person (if not a little psycho with how she's behaving now..) and did nothing wrong in their relationship, so he always feels bad for making her move out.. but it just feels like we're in her shadow, and goodness knows what other people think!
Ahh I see, yeah it doesn't sound like it'd be fun to bring it up with your partner. Perhaps just leave it for now and try to forget about it, but if it really starts to interfere with things (e.g. it puts a strain on your relationship) you'll definitely have to speak to your partner about it. Good luck with it all!
Original post by Anonymous
Ahh I see, yeah it doesn't sound like it'd be fun to bring it up with your partner. Perhaps just leave it for now and try to forget about it, but if it really starts to interfere with things (e.g. it puts a strain on your relationship) you'll definitely have to speak to your partner about it. Good luck with it all!
Thank you
. It's not putting a strain on the relationship as such - he couldn't care less about her. They're not even friends now. It's more just annoying, and I worry about what other people might think. I don't want to be the person who's stopping her being with the man she loves, and I worry that's what people think.. even though they were split for almost a year before I even met him, and he wouldn't want to be with her even if he wasn't with me.
She is definitely not over him. If she continues to attempt to get in between, have a longer talk with your boyfriend. If he's just as annoyed, he should be the one to confront her if something does happen. An obsessive ex and a current girlfriend interacting with each other is a recipe for disaster.
Original post by LoveYourself18
She is definitely not over him. If she continues to attempt to get in between, have a longer talk with your boyfriend. If he's just as annoyed, he should be the one to confront her if something does happen. An obsessive ex and a current girlfriend interacting with each other is a recipe for disaster.
Haha it doesn't sound like the best situation when you put it like that. Bizarrely she's always nice to me and makes an effort to include me in things - but I think it's probably because she knows my boyfriend won't go to things unless I'm invited too so she thinks it gets her a better chance.
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