💸raining💸 in A*sWatch
wednesday 17th october 2018
just finished vectors. sadly I don't know what's been happening in the past few lessons but I swear i've been really trying to understand the different concepts still i'm struggling
it'll be fine hopefully. I'll need to self teach over the holidays and really work my behind off.
over half term i've got a bunch of long essays due and end of unit assessments. i'm getting flashbacks to the easter break before gcses and how hard I worked for that ahaha so I guess i'll be going into hibernation mode once again. I mean i'll still be on tsr but I think I'll need to catch up on sleep, go through everything and make sure everything looks fine. I think my motivation is knowing i can post pics of my fancy notes here so i'll make sure i'll make them easy to revise from.
at the end of today my classmate niamh and I were singing Ariana Grande at the back of the bus hehehe we're so cringey oml if y'all knew me irl you'd hate me so much. we started off by discussing her songs and by like half an hour later when we got closer to my house (I live 12 bus stops away from school) I was mumbling "lovin' it lovin' it lovin' it lovin' it babyyyy" and we were giggling why are we like this? it was really pleasant especially because we're both stressed about sixth form at the moment so I felt like we needed that. still I can't believe we had the courage to do that in public oh goshhh....
let me know if you want to be untagged i don't know why i haven't been tagging y'all for the past couple of posts huehue.
trying not to stress lmao
the original plan was to wake up at 8 and brainstorm the plan for the week so that i'd be a little more organised
i slept at like 1am? and woke up 10 minutes ago
i have math tuition at 12pm-2pm.
if i get a bad teacher i'm planning on bringing my math book and doing all the exercises from chapter 1 and 2 in pure math which i missed (yes i am very behind i don't know how i let this happen but i'm trying not to anxiously think about it instead i'll just get on with things).
if i get a good teacher well i need them to teach me binomial expansion and factorial theorem bc i got a new math teacher yesterday and the problem is everyone in my class is so smart i feel inferior like pretty much all of them have covered this in school already and/or do further math and i just need extra support? i know it's not a bad thing i've always needed help even throughout gcses but i just hate asking for help? i know i have to get over it i'd rather appear as really dumb in front of my peers and get good grades later than struggle throughout.
i'll need to go through any questions that i've missed regardless of the teacher i get i don't mind either way.
i don't know if i should try and get through most of my hw then focus on revision or if i should focus on revision and leave hw to last?
i have geography fieldwork to do but my group hasn't send me the data so i can only make graphs on excel using my data which is a little bit frustrating as i did post a note on google classroom but whatever. oh and most of my teachers haven't posted their essay questions (i have about 5 essays due after half term and/or end of unit assessment preparations and i think only one teacher has put the question up) and i probably should've written it down in class but it's too late now.
i don't know how to explain it but i always write the homework down in my personal diary and everyone else just remembers?? like?? maybe there are study groups on social media so people simply know these things but i'm always having to email teachers to catch up on work and it's a little exhausting especially when they don't respond. yikes i need to chill. i think i mentioned giving up tv shows to revise so i should stop giving myself a hard time & focus.
ok so now i have to go freshen up and i'll be back later to post a massive to do list on here to make it easier or i'll write it up as i'm not a fan of using technology when i'm doing work i get distracted pretty easily.
also i've lost the option to change font how exciting
and clocks go back on 28th pls remind me i'll forg3t
i assumed that tuition would be somewhat productive
boi i was SO wrong
i was assigned practice exam questions and i haven't covered most of the topics in school
other schools are doing logarathims and whatnot while my school hasn't even covered chapter 3 in AS pure math
wHAT IS MY SCHOOL DOING DO THEY WANT US TO FAIL
they did this during gcses too - we were made to rush and self teach so many topics bc we didn't have enough time
ffs other schools were given summer homework and my school spent like weeks on surds and indices and it's making me very anxious
whereas for vectors i spent like 2 lessons on it and i'm still struggling bc it's just a topic that i struggle with a lot
fortunately i got 3/20 questions right. it's better than zero
finally when i walked out of tuition trying to formulate a plan on what to do next i clumsily tripped on the stairs and swore. i probablee shouldn't have been wearing heels but they looked nice idk and when i looked upwards i realised some of the guys in my tuition class were laughing at me 😢 why am i so awkward asdfghk
also please remind me why i chose 4 a levels again wanna cri so bad wth i don't want to fail
honestly speaking i know i sound cynical asf but i know that my target grades will not be As and i know that i'm going to fail the mini mocks after half term. the only thing i can do about it now is complete all my hw, catch up on extra work i have left to do and keep practising recalling facts. this is really not what i wanted so far and i'm getting a headache right now just thinking about it fml. if i can return to the routine of waking up at 5 everyday next week onward then i will be able to do all the extra reading and i can start memorising formulas/book quotes asap which will hopefully get me ahead
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYY
will maybelline update later but guysss I managed to complete exercise 7C, 8A, 8B and 8C and got most of the answers right apart from making a few tiny errors so I feel like a winner
i sleep at like 12 and wake up at 12
i think its bc i used to sleep at 10-11 and wake up at 5 so my brains just trying to clear itself up
i was going to wake up at 5 during half term but my parents are up at that time so cba
now theres only one thing left to do
stay up to study
i know that's a bad idea but i don't have any plans this week anyhow and i need to complain my pending work
today i genuinely had an excuse my mum wasn't feeling well so i made lunch. i should've ordered but she didn't tell me we had money. oh well. at least there's dinner :^)
i'll sleep at like 2-3am? gonna go offline and might be back at midnight idk
i gave up revising ten mins ago (but i made some really good notes on stats, did more exam questions on chapter 1-2 on pure math using physics and math tutor and finally went through modelling assumptions) and i've now listened through a whole series of crime podcasts
i'm literally so invested in podcasts rn
if you asked me 2 weeks ago whatdya think of podcasts i probably would've groaned in disgust and nOW i'm in love
because the first one failed
~ complete 10 math questions a day
- answer one exam question in politics
- read one chapter of studied texts in english
- answer one exam question in geography
if there is time
- recap themes, characters, settings, literary critics, structure, book quotes, context etc.
- go through flashcards on quizlet
do this every single day never miss a day (except maybe Diwali)
otherwise do homework. i'll change this after christmas as mocks approach. consistency is key
got work to do but I feel like procrastinating as it is Halloween.
I like school but this term is 8 weeks long I need to get more sleep, walk to school everyday (bus gets too crowded so nowadays it drives past me. people get lazy no offense but most people get off after 3 stops I get off after 10 and i still walk the whole way) and drink more water to hopefully lift up my energy as I have been feeling low.
i'm looking forward to my musical theatre club this saturday. I have a long monologue and a fun dance routine from the musical cats. it's a little time consuming because it takes up my saturday afternoon and eventually i'll need to quit. I was thinking that I shouldn't return for the next 6 or so months because after my AS exams i'll be doing 3 A levels and obviously year 13 is a step up still i'll be able to enjoy myself later.
recently there's been a lot of drama between ex friends. to put it simply I associate with different people on different days and most people are genuine to me. I used to have an awful best friend who I put up with since I didn't want to be lonely and now i'm quite happy with solitude. i'm careful though. and i've noticed that a girl I used to be friends with is friends with the people that she said she hated. well she can do as she pleases but I do feel a storm approaching which is not what I want in sixth form....
A big life advice tip that adults have told me recently is to not rely on anyone which I100% agree with. your grades are your own. you can make friends and help them but at the end of the day do this for yourself. you’re the one getting into uni you’re not going to uni with your friends (not in the literal sense anyway my point is you can't spoonfeed someone to uni). I help many classmates and this backfires on me
in other news I got 12/40 in my first politics assessment (lolol) and on government assessment I got an A (22/30)
my english target grade got lowered to a B even though my grade average across GCSEs was 7. I don't know why they chose to do that and I do admit it was a bit disheartening but i'm determined to prove them all wrong I will practice essay writing over the next few weeks and approaching exam styled questions a lot more often and if my grades are consistently good then I can motivate myself to look at volunteering opportunities....
next week is Diwali and i can't wait c: my parents are strict but I would love to not come to school on Diwali. this is because I'd rather spend the day doing productive revision and then I can light sparklers and relax with my family at night. obviously missing a day of school in year 12 is really bad but I have a cover lesson in politics, my statistics teacher makes me self teach most of the content anyway and missing a double lesson of english literature won't affect me as I devise my own interpretations. my dad will say no but I think I need to really bug him about it maybe he'll say yes.
yes!! your grades are YOUR OWN I help others with their subject, not their life and I haven't done hwk for anyone recently
hope you get to miss school on diwali!
it's nearly 1:30am and i'm calm. i was tense about hw then calm then panicked about my folder then calm again. now i'm unwinding with a political podcast while eating a crunchie bar and drinking mineral water in the darkness. very peaceful. if you drink enough water you can honestly tell the difference between the taste and tesco ashbeck water tastes so refreshing. i'm weird because i drink more water in the winter than the summer every year. anyway i brought sparklers from tesco this morning with my parents and i'm quite excited because we brought so many. some of the asian sellers are untrustworthy when it comes to purchasing indian sweets so unfortunately i don't think we will buy that kaju barfi that i was so looking forward to also i don't think my dad wants me to take the day off which sucks because i guess i'll be revising instead of having fun ahaha oh well. perks of growing up.
i should be asleep but i'm just in the mood to contemplate....
this is going to sound a little deep but the reason why i love ariana grande so much is because she makes me so happy. like her songs are so uplifting and sweet. romance songs aren't relatable to me because my music taste is all over the place. ahaha one minute i'll be listening to muse and you me at six then i'll be listening to musical soundtracks and then y'know ariana. but anyway i love her so much because she is so strong and when i'm going through stuff it's nice to listen to her soothing voice. i know i idiolise her a little obsessively online but i do love her and i hope to see her on tour someday. like her lyrics are so inspiring and music genuinely makes me feel better when my emotions are all over the place.
argh i honestly miss doing karate so much. do stick with your extracurriculars. i miss stretching myself and learning what i never knew i was capable of. i had to quit because of personal stuff still i miss those days when i used to tie my belt with pride. i still do dance at my musical theatre class so i'm somewhat active and my dance teacher advises us to do a lot of footwork over the week (like i used to be able to touch my toes now i can't even walk down a staircase without feeling tired)
finally after some contemplation here are some achievable targets for 2018-19:
what do i want
i want my sister to graduate with a high ranking at uni
i want my target grade in english to become an A (fr i got a 7 in lit and a 9 in lang but i'm still predicted a B which is fine but disappointing ngl)
i want to pass all my subjects these mocks
do more exam questions every week
complete all my revision resources by december
I'm not really a fan of Ariana Grande tbh, but glad she makes you happy
haha I remember when I said a few times a week which is now a few times a month even though i'm online a lot I do make lengthy posts but I don't really know what to say hence I don't bother.
today is technically Diwali but we're too busy doing things so my family has decided to just do all celebrations tomorrow.
also I found my folder thanks to my head of sixth form who spotted it in the common room
i'm going to do a tbh with you - i've done the bare minimum since yesterday and I think my procrastination habits are slowly starting to kick in.
fortunately since i'm at home tomorrow (finally persuaded my father!) I will do lots of independent work. since I don't create to do lists because it's not working for me; i've decided to finish all incomplete work, read ahead in my english lit texts + make notes, complete tuition hw and watch PMQs (I've recorded some episodes). my musical theatre lesson has been cancelled this week too meaning I can recap what I have learned in the past few months/prep for my end of unit assessment in math which has been worrying me a lot. I will be able to finally catch up on what i've been procrastinating on.
i've been posting around tsr that i've been feeling really low recently (not even in the mood to colour code and you know how much I love colouring random words for no reason) so I just wanted to explain why:
surprisingly my teachers have been putting me down. on friday I discovered the assessment where I got 12 well that counts as a U because of the grade boundaries my teacher set. imagine I currently have an A on one topic and a U on another in politics so my target grade is lowered to a C. it's a little bit painful to hear because what was the point of putting all that effort into my gcses?
yesterday when I went to my math lesson I thought we were in a different class (timetables are a bit weird) so I said to my classmate "oh we're in this class?" I think my teacher thought I said "oh she's here" because after unlocking the door she turned around and said "of course I'm here dear but it's not like you're going to be here much longer. Especially considering you got a 6 in your gcses." Then she flashed me a smile and everyone who had arrived early to the lesson like me turned around to look at me in shock. My math teacher later looked at me during the lesson saying "haha I'm only joking" in a deadpan manner and I gave a half smile back but...
...I'd be lying if I said I wasn't offended. not the fact that I have a low self esteem but she told everyone who was there about my math grade when no one knew as I wanted to keep it private? besides I was feeling really bubbly earlier and now i'm still thinking about it and I feel hurt? I revised quite extensively for the first test we did to purposely leave a good impression on my math teacher but I feel like all of that was a waste of time. I'm already panicking because the last four or five chapters of the course seem difficult so I don't feel like I'll last long on the course anyway then she says that argh i can't stop letting it bring me down.
maybe i should chill. work ethic is more important than the validation I receive from a teacher. if only I actually believed that instead of trying too hard.
today we had senior math challenge and it was such a waste of time. I looked forward to it and I tried hard to do well but eh. next year if I choose to keep math for some odd reason I will work really hard to achieve a bronze maybe silver. For now I want to forget about it and focus on what makes me happy politics makes me happy. it really does. since I was younger i've always made remarks about how I want to help people and change the world but I thought it was too unrealistic. now I actually feel like I'm on the right path heading towards a career in law or politics. I am happy. I just hope that my hard work pays off and I can get to where I want to be. so for now setting small achievable targets and meeting them is enough.
on a side note unrelated to school I went out with some classmates for ice cream after school. we spoke about our subjects and socialised which was relaxing for a change. some of my posts may be a little confusing because my friendship groups are so complicated to explain. today was a one off. i'm mostly a lone wolf. every break/lunch I sit on tables with different people in my classes. I keep it simple. I don't reveal anything personal and most of my conversations with people are school-related (I don't think I have a life outside of school). outside of school I don't talk to anyone unless I'm talking to someone about school. There are two girls who come close to 'friends' - a girl i've known since year 7 who invited me to go to the jingle bell ball with her soon and the girl I mentioned I was with at the climate change conference. I speak to both of them about matters unrelated to school but I'm not close with anyone.
there's a small part of me that regrets not moving and having a fresh start but despite how rude my teachers can be they still support us a lot with school and I need that especially at sixth form. my Government teacher (guy who got me an A) is called Mr Edwards and he's honestly one of my favourite teachers. every lesson we talk about current affairs and I usually ask him questions about the news - sometimes we have in depth conversations about republicans in america or another eu referendum or brazil and it's great fun! If I had moved, I would've taught myself english lit, politics and possibly geography? Yet I need an actual teacher for math and I have to go through a lot of exam practice to understand a chapter before moving ahead which I can't do independently.
anyway I can't tell if it's the winter or this time of year that's making me feel incredibly low but I do feel inexplicably sad. I haven't spoken to my extended family for a while (could be homesickness - this happened to me last year and it was really bad I miss my grandfather and my cousins so so much) and the holiday months make me low as the school term is long then mocks are approaching... I'm a bit of a disorganised mess unfortunately.
I don't know why i've been blogging more nowadays but i guess i'm just in the mood so...
tomorrow I have three frees and only one lesson because my second english teacher put a note on google classroom saying she won't be in. this is really good news for me because I can focus on math. i'm really behind in math because i'm working at a super fast speed at tuition (nearly done with chapter 10 pure) and really slowly at school (halfway through chapter 3 pure but my hw for monday is to finish off the chapter independently) so keeping up with all this material at once is hectic and stressful. when i say i've fallen behind I only mean that I need to go through some topics again and prioritise what i struggle with (mechanics first) instead of covering the topics I find easy first.
my end of unit assessment is on thursday 15th of november. i will have two tests - the first test includes chapters 1, 2 and 11 from pure maths and chapter 1 of mechanics; the second test is on chapters 1-3 in statistics and chapter 3 in pure maths.
so as I mentioned before I don't have a musical theatre lesson on saturday hence this weekend will be full of productive revision. i'm happy that I can recreate my notes and really focus because I want that U in politics to be the first and last U I ever receive. I think I got so lucky that I have time to catch up.
since I missed school yesterday I borrowed my friend's notes and photocopied the sheets and now I realise how much work I have to do from missing one day of school wow. if I can finish all my homework by friday night then I can have a relaxed weekend and exam technique is something i'd like to work on.
i'd make this post a bit longer but I need to finish off my english lit annotations and hopefully I am ready to sleep by 11pm.
on an unrelated note I find this incredibly entertaining for some reason xD