help with boyfriend issues moving in together Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Hey!

so, I’m moving in with my boyfriend for uni (with others too!) because it’s cheaper then halls. (We’ve been together over a year!)

At the time and between then we had some really really good times and got along great.

HOWEVER (damn these however’s) I’m getting super nervous for it now. We had some issues when leaving the honeymoon phase and sometimes it’s really great but other times I just spend my whole day crying because I love him but it’s just a bit much. I’ve spoke to him but not much changes, I’m flawed as well and it’s just difficult to communicate right now we’re both living at home. He told me he’s trying to enjoy alone time before we have to share and I really appreciate that because I’m somewhat the same, yet it’s felt like the last six weeks has been him doing everything in his way to avoid me. We barely talk, we barely see each other. I’d say there’s been around 5 or so times since June where we spent alone (we’ve had mornings when i’ve stayed over from hanging with friends but I just wake up and go normally as we’re both busy) and I don’t know. It just hurts a bit when he says he’s happy with where we are in the relationship because I can’t help but miss out of something? I’m less social then him and have 2 friends in our hometown so for him he always has someone where i’ve Spent days at a time without seeing anyone.

It’s just getting me nervous in case it means that I’m going to be stuck hiding away in my room of the house when he’s out fine with friends in fear that I’m going to irritate him with being around so much.

We both are happy with each other and I knew the 8 weeks would be tough with him back at home (prior to that we stayed at his uni hall so it was just us whenever we was together)

I can’t shake the fear that by me staying out the picture for him and him growing comfortable with that something has changed between us. I’m excited to see him and be around him more because he’s practically my best friend yet I’m terrified of us breaking up and i’ll hate the year.

I KNOW communication is key yet he gets annoyed because at first when things started changed I got worried and asked him if we was okay a couple times so I’m a little scared and I know it’s just a dumb fear.

But I just needed some advice of how to calm my nerves.
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey!

so, I’m moving in with my boyfriend for uni (with others too!) because it’s cheaper then halls. (We’ve been together over a year!)

At the time and between then we had some really really good times and got along great.

HOWEVER (damn these however’s) I’m getting super nervous for it now. We had some issues when leaving the honeymoon phase and sometimes it’s really great but other times I just spend my whole day crying because I love him but it’s just a bit much. I’ve spoke to him but not much changes, I’m flawed as well and it’s just difficult to communicate right now we’re both living at home. He told me he’s trying to enjoy alone time before we have to share and I really appreciate that because I’m somewhat the same, yet it’s felt like the last six weeks has been him doing everything in his way to avoid me. We barely talk, we barely see each other. I’d say there’s been around 5 or so times since June where we spent alone (we’ve had mornings when i’ve stayed over from hanging with friends but I just wake up and go normally as we’re both busy) and I don’t know. It just hurts a bit when he says he’s happy with where we are in the relationship because I can’t help but miss out of something? I’m less social then him and have 2 friends in our hometown so for him he always has someone where i’ve Spent days at a time without seeing anyone.

It’s just getting me nervous in case it means that I’m going to be stuck hiding away in my room of the house when he’s out fine with friends in fear that I’m going to irritate him with being around so much.

We both are happy with each other and I knew the 8 weeks would be tough with him back at home (prior to that we stayed at his uni hall so it was just us whenever we was together)

I can’t shake the fear that by me staying out the picture for him and him growing comfortable with that something has changed between us. I’m excited to see him and be around him more because he’s practically my best friend yet I’m terrified of us breaking up and i’ll hate the year.

I KNOW communication is key yet he gets annoyed because at first when things started changed I got worried and asked him if we was okay a couple times so I’m a little scared and I know it’s just a dumb fear.

But I just needed some advice of how to calm my nerves.
i dont feel anyone is at fault because its the individuality thats what is happening ...but i do feel personally that he is taking you for granted unknowingly so i would say give him a taste of his own medicine. Withdraw your attention from him for a while and just observe him and what he does to get your attention back ...because i feel you both are on different level of energy in the relationship and ur energy has to match ...both of u have to work equally and i think you are doing his part too alongside yours to keep it working ..which is great actually .. and tbh it happens in all relations so dont be scared cuz ur 'fear' wont help it will only worsen things. try doing smthing else and focus on urself when u have the free time ..like paint sketch or cook ..its a useful distraction... because when u are alone u start overthinking and create thoughts that are non-existential. hope that helps
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Dunnig Kruger
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Report 1 year ago
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The best thing for you in the long term is to break up with him. So that you'll see that ending a relationship is not so bad. Just as moving from school to uni wasn't so bad. And leaving a job isn't so bad.

At the moment you have a big fear in your head about breaking up. That's understandable because this is your first big live-together romantic relationship.


Treat your time at uni when it comes to boyfriends as like being in a clothes shop. Try on as many different outfits as you can in order to find the one that suits you and fits you best.

Embrace change. Don't be a stick in the mud, frightened of any changes to the status quo, such as who your current boyfriend is.

Try to get rented accomodation where you have your own bedroom. Where you're not sharing it with anyone. Assert your independence.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
The best thing for you in the long term is to break up with him. So that you'll see that ending a relationship is not so bad. Just as moving from school to uni wasn't so bad. And leaving a job isn't so bad.

At the moment you have a big fear in your head about breaking up. That's understandable because this is your first big live-together romantic relationship.


Treat your time at uni when it comes to boyfriends as like being in a clothes shop. Try on as many different outfits as you can in order to find the one that suits you and fits you best.

Embrace change. Don't be a stick in the mud, frightened of any changes to the status quo, such as who your current boyfriend is.

Try to get rented accomodation where you have your own bedroom. Where you're not sharing it with anyone. Assert your independence
I appreciate this reply however I don’t think breaking up if a solution, something I considered prior yet it seems drastic for this case (we both do love each other and get along really well, like i’ve known him long enough to know he’s the kind of guy i’d settle down with) it’s more just anxiety and paranoia getting the best of me as it’s my first “real adult” long term relationship. Our accommodation is separate rooms but the arrangement is to share one room and have a spare/alone time space in the other. I’m more scared that he’ll get sick of me in the long run as I know it’s a case where I’m more showy with feelings and he’s more reserved in that sense unless we’re having a moment but thank you for your help haha!
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