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Could we just be friends?
Please don't de-anon, some of my friends are on here and have no idea about any of this.
Basically, I'm questioning whether I can continue to be with my boyfriend in a romantic/sexual way. We've been together for 14 months, and have had our ups and downs, but generally got along very well. One of the main problems we've had is his temper - for whatever reason I sometimes bring out the worst in him and he goes mental over something fairly minor. Like I'll say something that annoys him and he goes absolutely mental, yelling at me, calling me names, saying he hates me etc. I don't know why but it usually happens when we're out with other people. It really upsets me and I hate how I always am reduced to tears, begging him not to dump me, when I'm not normally that type of person, I'd normally tell a guy to get lost for treating me that way. I guess the thing is, I know I often don't treat him great either - if I'm in a bad mood I'll take it out on him, or I'll be cold to him when we're out in public, so I know it's not all him. We had a really bad fight over the weekend - we were out in a bar with a big group of friends, I said something to annoy him and he ended up losing it - saying he hates me, and some REALLY nasty things. The best thing to do would be to have left him alone to cool down but I always end up following him and begging him to calm down, which makes him more annoyed. Anyway, he was OK the next day, he apologised, and things seemed much better. We hung out on Sunday and it seemed to be OK.
I just don't know if I can take this temper anymore - it makes it really hard to see a future for us. I don't want to have children with someone who loses it like that. The thing is, we were friends before we were together, and we got along GREAT. He has loads of friends and everyone loves him as a friend. He's funny, laid back, kind, fun to be around etc. When we got together, he changed towards me - he acted much more 'serious' and it felt like there was pressure on us, we couldn't just be jokey and laid back like before. I feel like we take ourselves way too seriously or something. Would it be silly to think we could go back to being friends? 99% he's a great guy, and I'd be seriously lonely without him. None of my other friends match up, they're usually too busy to hang out and we're just not as close. I love having this person to hang out with, eat dinner with, watch movies with. Is it totally unrealistic to think we could be friends?
Basically, I'm questioning whether I can continue to be with my boyfriend in a romantic/sexual way. We've been together for 14 months, and have had our ups and downs, but generally got along very well. One of the main problems we've had is his temper - for whatever reason I sometimes bring out the worst in him and he goes mental over something fairly minor. Like I'll say something that annoys him and he goes absolutely mental, yelling at me, calling me names, saying he hates me etc. I don't know why but it usually happens when we're out with other people. It really upsets me and I hate how I always am reduced to tears, begging him not to dump me, when I'm not normally that type of person, I'd normally tell a guy to get lost for treating me that way. I guess the thing is, I know I often don't treat him great either - if I'm in a bad mood I'll take it out on him, or I'll be cold to him when we're out in public, so I know it's not all him. We had a really bad fight over the weekend - we were out in a bar with a big group of friends, I said something to annoy him and he ended up losing it - saying he hates me, and some REALLY nasty things. The best thing to do would be to have left him alone to cool down but I always end up following him and begging him to calm down, which makes him more annoyed. Anyway, he was OK the next day, he apologised, and things seemed much better. We hung out on Sunday and it seemed to be OK.
I just don't know if I can take this temper anymore - it makes it really hard to see a future for us. I don't want to have children with someone who loses it like that. The thing is, we were friends before we were together, and we got along GREAT. He has loads of friends and everyone loves him as a friend. He's funny, laid back, kind, fun to be around etc. When we got together, he changed towards me - he acted much more 'serious' and it felt like there was pressure on us, we couldn't just be jokey and laid back like before. I feel like we take ourselves way too seriously or something. Would it be silly to think we could go back to being friends? 99% he's a great guy, and I'd be seriously lonely without him. None of my other friends match up, they're usually too busy to hang out and we're just not as close. I love having this person to hang out with, eat dinner with, watch movies with. Is it totally unrealistic to think we could be friends?
he sounds like a jerk. and that sounds just like one of my friend's relationships. her guy was like that, its a control thing, but he started to hit her after a while. it sounds to me like that is where he might head if he has such a bad temper. i think you just need to talk to him, say your not happy with things as they are. if you dont wanna hurt him then blame yourself and say you feel like you are always upsetting him and you dont understand why etc. but you gotta do something
Reply 2
He IS a jerk when he's like that, but I doubt he'd hit me. I can't stand him when he's in those moods, for sure. Thing is, it's not that often. Most of the time, we get along great and I'm reluctant to throw that away.........
Reply 4
In general I think I'm much happier with him than I was before - less depressed, more confident etc. When he's mean, he really upsets me but in general I'm pretty happy.
Reply 6
No family troubles, in fact he has the PERFECT family I could only dream of. I think he just has a bad temper, and I aggravate him sometimes.
Reply 8
Anyone else? 
talk to him and let him know you feel that you are at fault most of the time for starting him off and that you'd like to try and sort this out. You both have to work on this. Tell him how you are going to make an effort from now on not to set him off by not being nasty to him and in return could he make an effort to control his temper. it'll only work and will only 'be fair' if you both make an effort to change. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help with he gets in one of those moods. what you should not have done and what he wants you to do instead when he gets mad. Then he'll be more open to try and change himself if he sees you are willing to take part of the blame for this and to try and change yourself.
Reply 11
No. Personally I don't think it'll work out as friendship but you can try get back to the old times. It's just with his temper and stuff, I can easily imagine a situation where he blows up and then either one of you shut each other off.
Adarah has good advice if you want to stick with the relationship though.
Adarah has good advice if you want to stick with the relationship though.
Reply 12
hehe emilina your advice was great, just wanted some more opinions!
Reply 13
Anonymous
Basically, I'm questioning whether I can continue to be with my boyfriend in a romantic/sexual way. We've been together for 14 months, and have had our ups and downs, but generally got along very well. One of the main problems we've had is his temper - for whatever reason I sometimes bring out the worst in him and he goes mental over something fairly minor.
I just don't know if I can take this temper anymore - it makes it really hard to see a future for us. I don't want to have children with someone who loses it like that. The thing is, we were friends before we were together, and we got along GREAT. I love having this person to hang out with, eat dinner with, watch movies with. Is it totally unrealistic to think we could be friends?
Basically, I'm questioning whether I can continue to be with my boyfriend in a romantic/sexual way. We've been together for 14 months, and have had our ups and downs, but generally got along very well. One of the main problems we've had is his temper - for whatever reason I sometimes bring out the worst in him and he goes mental over something fairly minor.
I just don't know if I can take this temper anymore - it makes it really hard to see a future for us. I don't want to have children with someone who loses it like that. The thing is, we were friends before we were together, and we got along GREAT. I love having this person to hang out with, eat dinner with, watch movies with. Is it totally unrealistic to think we could be friends?
I wouldn't recommend continuing with this relationship. Though, of course you should be friends! It sounds like you had a great time as just friends. I'm sure you still want to feel as though perhaps you should keep giving the relationship another chance, but it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all and it could get even worse to the point where you could also lose his friendship.
Who knows? Perhaps you and he would realise and correct your faults after ending the relationship and end up together again much happier.
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