How to deal with first week of break up?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
So my boyfriend of one year just broke up with me yesterday after a huge fight. The reason wasn't because of the fight itself but rather how I handle the fight. I need space to deal with my anger and he can't handle having space so we fight and it's become a cycle which he can't deal with anymore. I tried begging for a last chance but he kept saying he cant/couldn't. That went on for about an hour and a half before the call ended. Throughout the call he kept saying he couldn't (and was adamant about it) but also that he would have to think about getting back together hence leading me to be confused as to what we are right now. However, after the call I accidentally called him as his number was next to my friend's and he texted me after asking whats up. I said nothing and after a conversation with my friend, came to agree that the break up was what's best for us. I expressed this to him to which he said "are you sure?" and proceeded to Facetime me to tell me he's really sad and that I'm too important to not have in his daily life. It seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'm upset and would just like to know how to deal with all the sadness I have right now. I'm going into my first year of uni in September and as I am an international student, it'll be a big transition. He's supposed to be my guidance as he's already been in the uni for one year but now I don't know. Everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do..
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sandytablet
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#2
Report 2 years ago
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It’s just the stages of grief: you’ll feel awful just now, but eventually you will be able to cope.

I’ve also gone through something like this recently and it’s broken my heart and made me depressed, but I’m also going to start uni in September, too. I think that’s great because it gives us both the opportunity to find other guys who are more suited to us or can date around a little.

Hope you feel better soon. Everything looks crap right now, but once you get through this fog, everything’ll be back to normal and happy again.
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gxgx.r
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#3
Report 2 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my boyfriend of one year just broke up with me yesterday after a huge fight. The reason wasn't because of the fight itself but rather how I handle the fight. I need space to deal with my anger and he can't handle having space so we fight and it's become a cycle which he can't deal with anymore. I tried begging for a last chance but he kept saying he cant/couldn't. That went on for about an hour and a half before the call ended. Throughout the call he kept saying he couldn't (and was adamant about it) but also that he would have to think about getting back together hence leading me to be confused as to what we are right now. However, after the call I accidentally called him as his number was next to my friend's and he texted me after asking whats up. I said nothing and after a conversation with my friend, came to agree that the break up was what's best for us. I expressed this to him to which he said "are you sure?" and proceeded to Facetime me to tell me he's really sad and that I'm too important to not have in his daily life. It seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'm upset and would just like to know how to deal with all the sadness I have right now. I'm going into my first year of uni in September and as I am an international student, it'll be a big transition. He's supposed to be my guidance as he's already been in the uni for one year but now I don't know. Everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do..
Bless you, I can tell you right now that although it does feel like crap, you feel better. Unfortunately in the long-term time is the best healer and to avoid how you are feeling now - you need to stay well away from all the things that are associated to him/remind you of him. It is easier said than done and I know you will be a bit reluctant to do this because moving on from an ex is like ripping off a tattoo from your body - it hurts at first but it will get better. Since you are going to University you will meet a lot of people there the diversity is huge and the chances are you will make a long-lasting relationship with someone (to cheer you up). But as for now I'd say delete his number, make sure you don't have him on social media and I know that behaviour seems like you are being snakey or *****y but trust me if you still see his name on your phone and when he was last active/his posts you will still be attached to him and it will be more difficult to move on. That doesn't necessarily mean you hate him but you just need those feelings for him to die down so you can move on and you won't feel sad. The reason you are feeling this sadness is because you still have feelings for him and obviously why wouldn't you, you just broke up. Trust my and ex and I still had feelings for each other 3 months after breaking up but that's a different story haha, but yeah to move on cut contact from him and initially just try and avoid going to places where he will be present or just avoid him in general but remind yourself you are doing this to move on from him - it doesn't have to mean you hate him or you are angry at him. In that period once you are detoxifying yourself from him just really focus on your inner self and growth, pick up a new hobby/get yourself ready to go to University and remind yourself that this won't last forever - breakups are a part of life and you will feel better and find someone who will love you more. After it's been a while or once your feelings for him have died down you don't have to be in that avoiding stage anymore because your grief for him would have gone and in any circumstance if you do come in contact with him just be civil but remember that there are a loads of guys out there and you will find someone way better. All the best for University, I promise you this pain/sadness will not last forever, you will definitely meet someone in University and if you don't - hey there's more to life than love and I'm sure your Mr Perfect is out there . I hope you feel better soon and good luck with the healing process
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