Should I stay or should I go?

So I'm 25 and I have pretty much only been with one guy. I've gone on two other dates in my life but my one relationship is the only constant in my life. Recently we've been fighing a lot over different things and we resolve them the best we can. A recent arguement about being intimate was eye opening to me, I feel like it has changed my perspective on him. Its like, when he doesn't text me it doesn't bother me anymore and in the past it would. I dont miss his calls if he doesn't call during the day and I just cant be bothered to be on the phone.

I am very career driven and he is the opposite, he doesn't want to finish his degree as he says he'd rather do something else. He makes me empty promises but never follows through, on many occasions he's cancelled last minute and a few times he's just not shown up. The crazy thing is, he makes me feel like the bad things in the relationship are my fault.. like me not wanting to sleep with him. He makes me feel like I owe him something.. I personally want to wait until I am married and I never made him think otherwise, he acts like I should change my personal beliefs for him. Also I drive my own car, I work a 9-5 and I am very self sufficient which he hates. There have been occasions that he's told me he doesn't like me driving. He doesn't drive and doesn't have a full time job, he sometimes depends on me to take care of things financially. I've always seen myself with someone who's similar to me and kind of knows what they want.

Now the problem is that I have recently met someone. He's nice, down to earth, works full time as a teacher, drives and is very self sufficient. He's told me that he likes me and to be honest, I like him also. The issue is, My partner is on holiday and I dont want to cheat. I also don't know if it is a fleeting crush or something real.. I don't know if I still want to be with my partner. I cant talk to my family about this as they really dont like my partner so I know what they would say.. My partner and I broke up like 2 months ago and got back together around a month ago, my family just doesnt know this, they think we're still broken up. I'm just lost and I'm not sure what to do, I dealt with depression for a long time and it's not something I think truly goes away. I still have some bad days but when I was broken up with my partner I felt a little better selfishly. I felt like I could be me again.. The crazy thing is that I cant imagine my life without him even though he drives me crazy. I feel like I'm settling because he's all I've really ever known.. Should I try dating the other guy and break up with my partner? What if it doesnt work and my partner moves on? Is the intimacy thing enough to be a dealbreaker?

Reply 1

hello_shawn

19

Break up with the first guy now, then you can't be accused of cheating

Reply 2

PhilanderingBum

15

lol
you are making this more difficult than it has to be. Stop dithering and leave

Reply 3

LizaRoseHeart

OP

3

Isn't it a bit harsh to break up with someone while they're on holiday?

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 4

Kimmy2014

13

I feel you've already made the decision, and you would like confirmation that its the right one. In my eyes, it seems youve decided you would rather spend your attention on someone else. It seems youve decided you dont find your current partner suitable and the fact you couldnt care less about talking to him and like someone else just says to me you should break up.
The way id approach this would be as follows: I would let the teacher know of your situation but ask for some time to sort it out. If he really likes you, he will be willing to wait.
In regards to your current bf, I would break up with him after he has come back from his holiday. He doesnt seem to respect your goals and he doesnt seem the right fit for you. I dont think it is fair on you or him to string eachother along.

Once again this is my opinion on what I would do :smile:

Reply 5

Kimmy2014

13

Also in regards to whether if the new relationship doesnt work! To be honest, it seems as youve already checked out of your.current relationship, which means you dont see potential for a future. Don't put yourself through the misery of staying with someone who you don't want to be with. That is torturing yourself for a certain level of safety. If a new relationship doesnt work, well hey ho... atleast youve explored the option and came off better for it without being stuck in a relationship filled with regrets.

I dont mean anything ive said to come off awful in anyway. I hope it helps. Xxx

Reply 6

LizaRoseHeart

OP

3

Original post by Kimmy2014

Also in regards to whether if the new relationship doesnt work! To be honest, it seems as youve already checked out of your.current relationship, which means you dont see potential for a future. Don't put yourself through the misery of staying with someone who you don't want to be with. That is torturing yourself for a certain level of safety. If a new relationship doesnt work, well hey ho... atleast youve explored the option and came off better for it without being stuck in a relationship filled with regrets.

I dont mean anything ive said to come off awful in anyway. I hope it helps. Xxx

Thank you, I think you're right. I feel like I just want to know if its the right thing.. I constantly feel guilty but I have to do whats best for me I guess xx

Reply 7

Kimmy2014

13

Original post by LizaRoseHeart

Thank you, I think you're right. I feel like I just want to know if its the right thing.. I constantly feel guilty but I have to do whats best for me I guess xx

I'm going to be brutally honest her and say you shouldn't say "I guess" when it comes to you. It just doesn't seem as though the relationship is progressing and you're hurting yourself and that isn't okay. Make yourself happy. Put yourself first.

Reply 8

LizaRoseHeart

OP

3

Original post by Kimmy2014

I'm going to be brutally honest her and say you shouldn't say "I guess" when it comes to you. It just doesn't seem as though the relationship is progressing and you're hurting yourself and that isn't okay. Make yourself happy. Put yourself first.

I've known him for 8 years, I think I just got very used to putting him first. Its hard to know where to draw the line anymore. That's the whole guilt thing. I will definitely start putting myself first again

Reply 9

Vinny C

20

Your guilt does you credit. It also tells me there is another side to this story, sorry.

Reply 10

LizaRoseHeart

OP

3

Original post by Vinny C

Your guilt does you credit. It also tells me there is another side to this story, sorry.

Honestly at this point I think there's multiple sides to the story, I feel guilty because he's the only man I've ever really been with. To break his heart by breaking up with him is to break mine.. I love him more than life itself but he's not good for me. He's made me into someone I barely recognise and he's made me feel small, he's told me that he doesn't want me to get a promotion at work because I'd have less time for him and I actually turned down an amazing job opportunity and yes life isn't just about work but that's just one of a thousand examples.. I have always put him ahead of everything in life including my family on occasion. please don't think I'm taking this lightly, that's why I wanted the advice. I'm not sure how to be without him but to be with him is to be unhappy.

Should I stay or should I go?

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