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break up with her
Original post by Anonymous
She’s fine with me going down on her - in fact she really likes it, but she said she’s really not into giving them.

Any way I could maybe help change her mind?


Talk to her and ask why she doesn't like it and see if you can work out a solution.
It might be something she changes her mind on time, but I wouldn't suggest trying to push the idea on her too soon if she's already told you once that she isn't into it. A lot of women don't like it - whether it be taste, jaw discomfort, fear of gagging, finding it tedious, etc.
I think there are a few explanatory videos on the sexplanations YouTube channel that might help you.

In any case, you aren't entitled to any particular sex act; the fact that you go down on her is irrelevant. If she says no, that's it.
Just respect her. This is not something offered in exchange to you. This does not mean she doesn't deserve your love. If she can not, that's it.
selfish girlfriend and not very sexually interested. other women would be gagging for it and not scared of gagging on it.
I personally find it gagging. I have always hated giving blow jobs because of the taste and it's very unpleasant. If she doesn't like it then just leave it, maybe talk to her and see what the problem is
Get a girl who would gag for you!
Original post by the_queen
Just respect her. This is not something offered in exchange to you. This does not mean she doesn't deserve your love. If she can not, that's it.


*******s.

Relationships are all about working together, compromising and quite often.. doing things you don't entirely like, because your partner does.

This can be hobbies/holidays/experiances/sexual activities etc. or anything - relationships work best when both parties are willing to put the couple above the individual, and often whats best for the couple goes against what one person would prefer, but they compromise because its in both their interest to keep a healthy relationship.

In this case the girlfriend should think:

"I like it when my boyfriend goes down on me (as OP said)"
"I don't like giving it back..."
"If I refuse to give it back, will he get resentful about doing something I like, if I won't do something he likes?"
"yes, over time he will.. so its in my interest to give him what he likes, so that I can keep receiving what I like"

etc.

Mutual benefit, Mutual sacrifice, compromise and a healthy relationship.

That way both parties respect each other, both feel appreciated, and both want to stay together.
She might be feeling embarrassed or disgusted by herself doing it. Perhaps you should ask if this is related? You could gently ask her as to why she's not into it next time it comes up in conversation. Try not to be rude about it.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 11
She doesn't find you attractive.
Original post by fallen_acorns
*******s.

Relationships are all about working together, compromising and quite often.. doing things you don't entirely like, because your partner does.

This can be hobbies/holidays/experiances/sexual activities etc. or anything - relationships work best when both parties are willing to put the couple above the individual, and often whats best for the couple goes against what one person would prefer, but they compromise because its in both their interest to keep a healthy relationship.

In this case the girlfriend should think:

"I like it when my boyfriend goes down on me (as OP said)"
"I don't like giving it back..."
"If I refuse to give it back, will he get resentful about doing something I like, if I won't do something he likes?"
"yes, over time he will.. so its in my interest to give him what he likes, so that I can keep receiving what I like"

etc.

Mutual benefit, Mutual sacrifice, compromise and a healthy relationship.

That way both parties respect each other, both feel appreciated, and both want to stay together.


This is the kind of reasoning that causes people to get hurt by abusive partners and stay in those relationships. Compromising and doing things you don't entirely like is one thing (which I am in favour of, in fact), but that does not extend to compromising on what happens during sex or to a partner's body. That way lies violence in the most literal sense of the word.

Partners who love each other do not pressure each other to have sex in ways they don't want to.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Get a girl who would gag for you!

Original post by Anonymous
selfish girlfriend and not very sexually interested. other women would be gagging for it and not scared of gagging on it.

Original post by Anonymous
break up with her

:applaud:
Original post by fallen_acorns
*******s.

Relationships are all about working together, compromising and quite often.. doing things you don't entirely like, because your partner does.

This can be hobbies/holidays/experiances/sexual activities etc. or anything - relationships work best when both parties are willing to put the couple above the individual, and often whats best for the couple goes against what one person would prefer, but they compromise because its in both their interest to keep a healthy relationship.

In this case the girlfriend should think:

"I like it when my boyfriend goes down on me (as OP said)"
"I don't like giving it back..."
"If I refuse to give it back, will he get resentful about doing something I like, if I won't do something he likes?"
"yes, over time he will.. so its in my interest to give him what he likes, so that I can keep receiving what I like"

etc.

Mutual benefit, Mutual sacrifice, compromise and a healthy relationship.

That way both parties respect each other, both feel appreciated, and both want to stay together.


This is really great advice if you want to poison and destroy a relationship.

I assume or at least hope it is a consequence of you having limited experience with relationships.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
This is the kind of reasoning that causes people to get hurt by abusive partners and stay in those relationships.

No it doesn't. None of your reasoning bellow shows that sexual compromise leads to abuse.

Compromising and doing things you don't entirely like is one thing (which I am in favour of, in fact), but that does not extend to compromising on what happens during sex or to a partner's body.

So your in favor of compromise in all other aspects, except one of the most crucial to a relationships success?

That way lies violence in the most literal sense of the word.

No it doesn't - and you have still yet to demonstrate how it does.

Partners who love each other do not pressure each other to have sex in ways they don't want to.

Partners who love each other try and make the other one happy, up to a point. That point would probably be something traumatic, or something that is absolutely a line in the sand. Their is a huge spectrum before that point though, ranging from not caring about doing something, to finding it boring, mildly disliking it, all the way to finding it mentally disturbing etc. For the vast majority of the spectrum its better for a relationship to compromise - if you are at the traumatic end, then yes... don't pressure your partner into it.

but..

the problem here is that you have not explained how asking for a mild compromise, would escalate to forcing them to do something that would be traumatic.

Escalation does not always occur.. and the possibility of escalation is not a reason to prohibit the acceptable base level activity. Its like saying 'My partner want's to go for a bike ride, but I think its to dangerous', and then worrying about the partner escalating to forcing their partner into base jumping in the future.. there is no evidence to suggest that the escalation from something reasonable to something unreasonable would occur.. and the possibility, doesn't make the expectation that the partner would agree to ride a bike unreasonable.





bold
Ask the reason. Could be selfishness.
Honestly don't understand the appeal - saying this as a guy.

But talk to her and see if she'd be willing to try, or if it's a red line that she won't cross. If that's the case, then accept it or break up because you're incompatible.
Original post by fallen_acorns
bold


I don't see any problem with saying that I'm for compromise everywhere but the bedroom. Sacrificing and compromising to keep a relationship together is well and good, but ending a relationship because you just aren't compatible and aren't prepared to compromise hard enough to appease each other isn't the worst thing in the world. No: the worst thing in the world is feeling like your partner is only in the relationship to do things with you, or to you, that they wouldn't otherwise be allowed to.

I can see that there's very little I could say to you to dissuade you, but I hope at some point in the future you take a cold, hard, objective look at the effects of your viewpoint on your relationships, and change your attitude accordingly.
Reply 19
Me neither.

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