My life seems to be going down the pan as quick as I think I've mended it

I used to post here an awful lot about my various life problem, but had a fairly long hiatus, mostly due to a lot of new things going on in my life, and me trying to staff off tsr for mental health reasons / self esteem.

I would post probably 3, 4, 5 times a week about the distress in my life, the depression, and the generally 'constant' bad days I had; whether this be finances / debt, arguments with partner, or the fact I wanted to die. Some of my posts would get banned, or in the least I'd receive a message along lines of 'we're concerned'.

Over the last 9-10 weeks, I have had a hectic time. I recently moved house, (partly due to the fact the house is in better nick) but mostly down to the fact it has central heating, (sounds pretty odd saying this, but the landlord didnt have central heating in last place).

We were sick of getting ill all the time in winter, there was mold growing all over, and it was just a pretty horrible place.

Since moving, I have been pretty stressed over the increase in our rent for new place, paying existing debts. It didn't help that I had to take out a personal loan to cover our overheads, and vet bills for our 3 cats. Still, I still have money left, I plan to go back to driving lessons soon.

I have been also stressed with my work, which is pretty thankless (low paid), and toxic environment. I have probably talked about that in many threads, and has been the source of my mental health problems to date.

JUst recently, I have been trying to build a business, more a 'side business' alongside said employment, because I am sick of this job and want to leave it. I am a graduate, well educated but work in food services. The work is easy, repetitive and soul destroying, but worst of all the people are a nightmare.

Regards this side business, I am basically freelancing using my design skills to try and find clients, design for businesses. Its been hard, and so far I haven't had a paid client. I have had interest.

I have paid for some Facebook advertising, got some business cards, using LinkedIn, and getting some brand recognition and building it.

But its hard going. My frustration is, many people in my full time employment don't take it seriously, when they heard about it, they was like "well have you had any clients then?" and kinda criticise me.

I'm a graduate of design, so it is pretty much my expertise on paper - so to hear these people mock me, and kind of put me down, and make me feel small hurt.

The other reason I posted today is because I have had a massive argument with my partner, and we are literally on the verge of splitting up after 5 years together (we've been engaged for about 3).

Long story short, it is partly my fault - I have become quite lazy, and do not clean as much as I should, have tunnel vision, and have been a bit selfish. She came back off her two week holiday to find I had not cleaned the house as much as I'd said - truth is, I was focussing on this business, and spent a long time on my MacBook and the time passed. This aside, our relationship has lacked intimacy for some time (I attribute it to stress, lack of affection, and arguing).

She wants to leave me, and im a bit upset, because I love her, despite the fact I come off as cold, and im not as affectionate as her.

I want my business to succeed, so I can make us some money and get us out of debt, and in the least have an addtional income, so I can build a portfolio and find an employer that values me.

What do you think? Sorry its incoherent, I am all over the place right now.

Reply 1

DrMilesMcA

Life is too short to do something you don't enjoy. If design is something you love and have a passion for, even if you're not good... yet, go for it! Work hard and smart, success will come. Every business started with 0 clients... This might sound weird, but maybe offer free designs to start, build up a few clients, repeat. These can be your initial clients. Start small, try Instagram for advertising, have your own design page! Build this up, then start charging. I hope everything works out. Never quit, you never know who's watching or what opportunities may be round the corner!

Original post by DrMilesMcA

Many thanks for your advice.

I agree with you. I mean, I did graduate two years ago, I went through a massive slump, where I completely lost interest in it. I just didn't enjoy Graphic Design - everything at Uni I learned seemed redundant - because I'd worked hard to get my degree with mental health issues, I was burned out. Didn't see a future in industry. For a while, I studied for a Masters in App Development. Still wondering whether to go back for January next year, as still enrolled but took a year out.

I'm not absolutely amazing, or the talented type, but I have a knack for good composition, layout and colour; although I'm quite corporate in my design style (B&W and minimalist).

I have found to date, its easy to gain interest but harder to get clients to work with you. Half the time, its a battle between being pushy and hard-selling yourself and laying off, and been very passive. I just gave a client a business card after he ghosted me for a while, after I invoiced him a price for a project he was interested in pursuing. I told him, I wasn't trying to force sell out, but if he ever needed out he could contact me, or refer a mate if they needed out.

What reignited my spark was watching some interviews by Richard Branson. This sounds pretty hypocritical of me, and disgusting to admit because I'm very socialist and was formerly quite anti-capitalist. So, what I'm really saying is, I never thoguht I'd be so enamoured by a man that is the face of capitalist consumerist culture.

I just find Branson to be quite adventurous and ambitious, yet controlled calculated risk taker. He is also very inquisitive and thoughtful, which you dont get with many Billionaires.

Most of all, his motto "Screw Lets Just do It' has quite simply aided me. I found that during University, I was a procrastinator always obsessed with getting it perfect.

I realised that if I ever had a great idea, even just an idea that I should just go for it.

So thats what I did! I didn't have any prior financial backing or anything, I am literally just going for it, and, as crazy as it seems I feel good about it.

In the least I have a portfolio and a professional website, at most my business works and I make profits.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Thats what you've got to do , just go for it! In terms of app development, i think that is defo worth keeping hold of. Any programming knowledge is also a super useful skill. Maybe try and incorporate a design app that connects designers to potential clients.... or similar etc. just a thought

My life seems to be going down the pan as quick as I think I've mended it

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