Help... I feel sick at thought that I could be lesbian

Watch
This discussion is closed.
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 13 years ago
#1
Im a 25 year old female. My first sexual experience was wen I was 10 or so. It was with a girl. I don't think I fancied her. It just looked exciting on TV so we tried it. We did it a few times. I felt so dirty and disgusted with myself. It affected me for years. For years, I thought well to do that I must be lesbian and I became a shy quiet person.... Totally different from child I used to be before.
The issue has really raised with me three or four times. I feel I am lesbian. But I'm not really physically attracted to women.. not ones I know anyway. Lately I've come to really enjoy lesbian porn---more than any other porn. Since I've started watching it, I fantasise about being with women when masturbating. And all the things that go with lesbian sex... But its only once or twicw been with women I actually know. My friend, who I had a moment with 2 years ago. I thought she was gonna kiss me and I was honestly turned on. I don't think I fancied her. I'd never go out with her. We're not compatible. The only thing I fancy when comes to women is the idea of having lesbian sex with them and could do that for rest my life i'd imagine but don't fancy having a relationship with woman.
I have always felt a bit different when it comes to people I used to hang around with. They were cool but I was quiet. I hear people say you know you're gay if you feel different than other people. Different in what way??? When I was friends with them, I was quiet girl cos I felt disgusted and perverted etc..
When it comes to sex, I don't tend to *** very easily with fellas. Perhaps thats down to them not stimulating me the way I like it. When thinking of a woman stimulating me etc.. i *** easily. I've been in love with two fellas in my life. One of them as recent as last year/this year. After breaking up with him, I wondered why can I not settle with anyone (even though he broke up with me), I wondered could it actually be that I'm hiding feelings of lesbiamism. Hiding them so well that I can make myself fall for men, and turn myself off women. I fancied him so much but with him it was more an emotional thing, as opposed to a sexual. I did want to be with him but sex didn't matter so much when I was with him. I wanted his babies. And still daydream bout having them..
I dunno. I do take every thought to the extreme... whatever the terrifying thought may be. As i said, i do feel like i'm a lesbian but why do i fancy men and get all excited aroung ones that I fancy and why don't i check girls out.
I feel sick thinking it could be a woman i'll be spending my life with. One thing I love about men is the feeling of security when you're lying with them. I hate thought of not having that cos I know i wouldn't have that with a woman. I have been so happy with thos two men i spoke of earlier. Really was. What way am i?
Am I lesbian... or is it my head plying tricks on me.
0
hannah_dru
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#2
Report 13 years ago
#2
Maybe you're bi, maybe you are a lesbian. Seriously though, what's wrong with being a lesbian? Nothing.

I wouldn't be so quick to label yourself. Just enjoy what you have and what feels comfortable to you.
2
User129003
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#3
Report 13 years ago
#3
:rolleyes:

Well if your already feeling sick at the thought of it maybe you've already made the decision
1
User129003
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#4
Report 13 years ago
#4
reminds me of this post

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...2&postcount=20
0
Anonymous #2
#5
Report 13 years ago
#5
Errrm.. ok keep as anon please!


To be honest.. well firstly I'm female.. lesbian porn is 100x sexier than "straight" porn for me most of the time. And I'd say 50 - 80% of my fantasies either are me with another girl or in a threesome (a girl and a guy).

I know I like men.. am I bi? Don't know, don't care. Doesn' bother me really.

The point is, firstly porn is not real life. Fantasies are not real life. And personally I think sex and love are 2 very, VERY different things - you can enjoy sex with someone without the love part.

Whether you're a lesbian or bi? I think the main thing is, you need to stop CARING - relax, stop worrying, and let your feelings do the talking.

Lastly, remember it may not be straight forward. Some people say sexuality can change in a person's life.

Try not to panic at your feelings - but good luck with this.
0
rach12
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#6
Report 13 years ago
#6
well firstly tere is nothing wrong in being a lesbian.
but it doesn't matter what kind of porn you look at, it doesn't mean what sexuality you are, as i am a lesbian and i watch straight porn, and many straight males tend to watch gay male porn and get turned on by that.

i just think you need experiences with women, it may be that you had a bad experience so you are judging every experience like that without it happening, so just meet new people, lots of different kinds of women suh as femmes and butches and see what you like.

i think you are not ready to label yourself and classify yourself as something

just give yourself some time and dont pressure yourself into making a decision just yet as you are not ready.

try to talk to lesbians on websites such as gingerbeer.co.uk and you can ge to know people who feel the same sort of stuff and they can help you out

Rachael
x
0
Anonymous #3
#7
Report 13 years ago
#7
Hmm you sound a bit like me.

I fantasize about women quite a lot, I love the thought of doing sexual things with a female. I love that thought. But I would never want a relationship with one. I couldn't have a girlfriend, I would find it awkward. I couldn't introduce her to my family and I don't want people to know. Plus, I think that because I'm female I would always be comparing us. I want to be thinner and more interesting etc etc etc. The female rivalry would remain, and I don't want that in a relationship. (Yes, I know that sounds bad). Men are safer in a way.. they're easier to understand and I want to be loved by a man, not a woman. Someone stronger and more dominant, I like that about men.

I'm in a long term relationship with a guy, he's awesome. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He's a gentleman, he cares about me. He has an amazing personality and we're so compatible... I wouldn't give that up just because I want to touch girls bodies.

If I were in your situation I would embrace the feelings. Go out, experiment with women. But don't let anything develop into a serious relationship if that's not what you want. Can't you keep the females for sex, and then when you find a guy who you can see yourself staying with forever give it up? That's how I think it should work, women are beautiful so allow them to be there for sexual gratification. But don't feel that that means you must be in it for the marriage and kids etc. Whoever you settle down with shouldn't be based on looks at all - they'll grow old and you'll get bored of their body anyway. So don't worry about spending the rest of your life with a female if that's not what you want. There's no reason you should.

Keep anonymous please - this isn't something I've ever divulged to anyone before. My boyfriend uses these forums and is very homophobic, he would end the relationship immediately and that would break my heart. Thanks mods.
0
User129003
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#8
Report 13 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I would always be comparing us. I want to be thinner and more interesting etc etc etc. The female rivalry would remain, and I don't want that in a relationship. I want to be loved by a man, not a woman. Someone stronger and more dominant, I like that about men.
:rolleyes:
0
K.T.
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#9
Report 13 years ago
#9
Trying to step away from the labels might help to clear your head.

It seems that you've already thought about what you want from a relationship a lot, and it appears (to me at least) that you feel 'emotionally attracted' to men. The attraction to lesbian sex seems to be more of a fantasy than something you actually want to happen in reality. Like other posters have said, you're not the only one to fantasise about that, and that doesn't necessarily make you a lesbian.

If you feel 'sick at the thought' of being a lesbian, it suggests one of two things;
1) you're not really a lesbian as it doesn't feel right to you
2) you're repressing your feelings due to homophobia/fear

From what you've said I guess 1); but only you really know.
1
Zoecb
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#10
Report 13 years ago
#10
Sick and giddy with happiness I sincerely hope.
1
Anonymous #4
#11
Report 13 years ago
#11
It certainly sounds like you're sexually attracted to women, in my opinion. I think that you need to sit back and evaluate why you have such a strong emotional response to the thought of being a lesbian. There is a distinction between lesbianism not really feeling right for you (and therefore you not being one) and actually feeling sick at the thought of it. The fact that you keep mentioning how disgusted you are at the fact you might be a lesbian suggests that you're repressing your sexual feelings.

Of course that's nothing to do with whether you have the capacity to love a woman or not, or whether you feel emotionally attracted to women - it sounds to me that you're more sexually attracted to women whilst more emotionally attracted to men. I suggest you don't make a decision yet to label yourself, but definitely go on some of the online forums and maybe read a few threads. Watch some episodes of the L Word (there are clips on youtube), that really helped me. You just need to do some more thinking about the issue - one of the problems I found with comparing attraction to women and your attraction to men is that the world and society at large assumes you're heterosexual and in that sense constructs its expectations of you around that assumption. It's unsurprising therefore that you are always going to be, when questioning your sexuality, more at ease with the thought of being in a relationship with a man (since it doesn't bring along all the rubbish that a same-sex relationship would). I wouldn't have said all of this if it wasn't for the fact that you say you're sick at the thought of being in a relationship with a woman. Realistically speaking, if it isn't the sexual aspect that turns you off, what is it that sickens you? External attitudes towards you from society, or is it the existence of an emotional relationship between yourself and another woman? The latter rarely sickens straight people when they think of gay relationships, really, it's usually the performance of the actual sexual acts themselves.

Earlier the question was posed about keeping females for sex and then when you find the guy of your dreams, give it up. Well, yes, but if you are sexually attracted to/pleased by women only, then you have the right to sexual pleasure, as well as love, commitment and the emotional bond in a relationship. After all, the most fulfilling emotional relationships seem to be reflected in the sex (although I admit not necessarily always). So you owe it to yourself and your long-term happiness to find out whether you can have that with a woman, and to be open-minded enough to be okay with it if it does turn out you are gay/bi.

I think it's a good idea to experiment. Go to gay bars, meet gay women and see what you think of them, if you like someone go with the flow. If you meet a guy you like, again, go with the flow. Remember that everyone is different, so it's a bad idea to generalise your feelings about both women and men, especially if you're still very young. I don't see how you can say ''I don't think I'd get the feeling of security from lying with a woman as I have with these two men''. The point is that to get such a feeling of security you have to let any person in to the extent that they make you feel secure. If you're sickened at the prospect of a lesbian relationship, that's not going to happen, but that doesn't mean over time and with a realisation that external societal pressures shouldn't get in the way of your emotional/sexual satisfaction that it couldn't happen. And don't rule out the possibility that you're bisexual either, you seemed to jump erroneously to the conclusion that there's an either/or position here. Good luck .
0
Anonymous #5
#12
Report 13 years ago
#12
It's kinda like me, sexually attracted to women but emotionally attracted to men.

Although recently I've started to become more emtionally attracted to women too.

:hmmmm:
0
Sarah8990
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#13
Report 3 years ago
#13
You're not lesbian, you're confused. Don't jump to conclusions and assume I'm homophobic, cos I'm not. Your situation describes mine EXACTLY. I don't like the way women look, but for some reason I got strange feelings for a few girl friends. I hated it. Let me tell you how to escape these thoughts- stop masturbating. over time, you'll forget what it's like having sec with girls. Then find a guy you really like and marry him. Trust me, science proves that over half of the LGBT community is really just confused, and got influenced by society. I was totally confused, til someone told me I was going through a phase. I didn't believe them, and I went along with what my gay friends were telling me, that I was gay. But when I actually started dating a girl, it hit me how sad my life was. I would never have a husband, I would never have my own children with someone I loved! Don't let lesbian thoughts ruin your life. Break up with any girlfriend(S) you may have.
0
perfect-Reed
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#14
Report 3 years ago
#14
Don't be hard on yourself there is nothing wrong about it, just appreciate the moment and this advice came from a 25 years old muslim women trust me it is even harder for me yet I hte labels just be whon you are be you wether it is a girl or a boy i you feel a connexion with them then go for it and even straight women enjoy lesbian porn so just relax
0
Anonymous #6
#15
Report 3 years ago
#15
I m sorry to say it but why do you assume that husband is actually that important and you know that it is possible to have children with a women since there is other ways so denial wont solve anything
0
Kevin De Bruyne
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#16
Report 3 years ago
#16
(Original post by OP in 2008)
I'm 25
So you're 34 now.. how is it going?
0
username4454836
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#17
Report 2 years ago
#17
(Original post by Kerov)
just a bit of an idiot.
Coming from the guy that revived a 10 year old thread :facepalm2:
0
angelinahx
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#18
Report 2 years ago
#18
(Original post by Kerov)
You are not lesbian, just a bit of an idiot. Women, or at least most of them, aren't cable of logical thinking to the same degree as men, hence your confusion, not to mention that one researched revealed that at least 46 percent of women are mentally unwell. In other words, 46 percent of women are actually crazy.
Sure, because being confused about your sexuality is being an “idiot” and it’s not like gay/bi/straight men ever question themselves.
Also, this thread is literally 11 years old.
1
Eyes4Lies73
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#19
Report 1 year ago
#19
I am a lesbian and too fancy men. It doesn't mean i want to have sex with them. It's security you crave. Just because you're possibly lesbian doesn't mean you're blind! Many women who are straight have female crushes..

Stop beating yourself up and just be who you feel most comfortable being. You my be Bi sexual but prefere women.

You're young enough to explore so do so. Just don't hurt people in the process. Be very honest with them.and explain how you're feeling before you sleep with them.
Last edited by Eyes4Lies73; 1 year ago
0
Anonymous #7
#20
Report 1 year ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
Im a 25 year old female. My first sexual experience was wen I was 10 or so. It was with a girl. I don't think I fancied her. It just looked exciting on TV so we tried it. We did it a few times. I felt so dirty and disgusted with myself. It affected me for years. For years, I thought well to do that I must be lesbian and I became a shy quiet person.... Totally different from child I used to be before.
The issue has really raised with me three or four times. I feel I am lesbian. But I'm not really physically attracted to women.. not ones I know anyway. Lately I've come to really enjoy lesbian porn---more than any other porn. Since I've started watching it, I fantasise about being with women when masturbating. And all the things that go with lesbian sex... But its only once or twicw been with women I actually know. My friend, who I had a moment with 2 years ago. I thought she was gonna kiss me and I was honestly turned on. I don't think I fancied her. I'd never go out with her. We're not compatible. The only thing I fancy when comes to women is the idea of having lesbian sex with them and could do that for rest my life i'd imagine but don't fancy having a relationship with woman.
I have always felt a bit different when it comes to people I used to hang around with. They were cool but I was quiet. I hear people say you know you're gay if you feel different than other people. Different in what way??? When I was friends with them, I was quiet girl cos I felt disgusted and perverted etc..
When it comes to sex, I don't tend to *** very easily with fellas. Perhaps thats down to them not stimulating me the way I like it. When thinking of a woman stimulating me etc.. i *** easily. I've been in love with two fellas in my life. One of them as recent as last year/this year. After breaking up with him, I wondered why can I not settle with anyone (even though he broke up with me), I wondered could it actually be that I'm hiding feelings of lesbiamism. Hiding them so well that I can make myself fall for men, and turn myself off women. I fancied him so much but with him it was more an emotional thing, as opposed to a sexual. I did want to be with him but sex didn't matter so much when I was with him. I wanted his babies. And still daydream bout having them..
I dunno. I do take every thought to the extreme... whatever the terrifying thought may be. As i said, i do feel like i'm a lesbian but why do i fancy men and get all excited aroung ones that I fancy and why don't i check girls out.
I feel sick thinking it could be a woman i'll be spending my life with. One thing I love about men is the feeling of security when you're lying with them. I hate thought of not having that cos I know i wouldn't have that with a woman. I have been so happy with thos two men i spoke of earlier. Really was. What way am i?
Am I lesbian... or is it my head plying tricks on me.
i think so too but u know what my head is playing tricks on me, i thought i was a lesbian too because women get me more turned on but im straight i know it ugh liufe so cofusing
0
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Should the school day be extended to help students catch up?

Yes (42)
28.97%
No (103)
71.03%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed