Getting late in the term now! Finally.
This week's been a bit better, if still very hard at times. The big thing is that my dad is hopefully okay, or if not okay things aren't looking as bad as they were which is a huge relief. I've been pretty rubbish physically but managed to pick up a bit mentally towards the end of the week so that's good.Struggling to remember most of it but i'll include what I can based on what i've written down in various places (or not).
Monday I took off which I really needed. I just wasn't in any fit state to do anything really so yeah. Necessary. Tuesday I saw my DSA and actually managed to tell her a bit about what was going on for once, and we talked about exams and stuff too. Looking ahead at my modules next term it doesn't look very likely that i'll be able to defer any of my exams, or at least it wouldn't be very sensible given the ones I already have in the summer. That said I have since had my exam timetable for January and it's about as good as it could be. I'll talk to her and my parents a bit tomorrow but I'll probably try and stick with them for now and if I need to apply for ECs I need to apply for ECs. Wednesday I managed to get to my seminar after an inhumane effort getting out, the tutor didn't comment on me being nearly 20 minutes late which I will be eternally grateful for.
Thursday was my busy day, I had a lecture then two hour seminar with a mini presentation in that I'd forgotten about. It went okay though and the feedback I got was actually pretty good. I then for some reason decided to stick around for the lecture an hour later which I normally miss after those. I think I thought it'd be easier to go than to catch up but I didn't really get a word of it so I'm going to have to anyway I think. In the evening I did a couple of hours work to catch up on the stuff I'd missed monday which again I'm not sure why I did then, I'd done way way too much by that point but was very glad to get it done
Friday and Saturday I basically just rested and did bits of random work where I could. I also went to a social after rehearsal friday night which was really nice, just pizza and a film but it was with people and I went and survived and sort of maybe actually almost enjoyed it. Even if I did crash afterwards as per, and I'd almost passed out several times in the rehearsal before it.
So yeah, long week tbh and it feels like a lot's happened in it. I've just been floating through mostly completely oblivious to what's going on around me, one of my (as yet undiagnosed) conditions has been flaring up too which has had me very very sick and dizzy the whole time on top of everything else. I had band stuff pretty much all day yesterday which was good but very long, and a lot more than I could cope with. I came back and suddenly realised what a vicious cycle i've got back into healthwise with ignoring it, doing too much and being on semi-detached autopilot the whole time. Which is massive warning sign for me and never ends well. So I rang my parents earlier and after I've seen my DSA mentor tomorrow I'm going to go home for the rest of the week and try and sort myself out. Then I can come back Sunday and have one last push to get through the last couple of weeks of term.
So, targets. I've done some of the catching up I needed and completed the online test due. I spoke to my parents and calmed down a lot about that and did the uni band thing. Not having a meltdown didn't completely happen but I've managed to stop myself before anything worse happens and i'm taking action to sort things out. Which is pretty good for me. New targets are:
- See my mentor tomorrow
- Go home, rest and do anything I need to do to look after myself
- Do bits of work where I feel able, but not ridiculous amounts
- Email the seminar tutor whose class i'm missing on wednesday
Hope everyone's okay
sorry for the long rambly update/possible lack of sense making, exhausted would be an understatement tbh. Let me know if you want adding/removing from the tag list as always
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