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I have no words

I'm 16 and my mum split from my dad quite recently.

I've gone through a lot this past 3 months that's the least I can say.

My mum met this guy about two weeks after the break up (she lied to me, saying it was a job interview), so naturally I have been on my guard.

Things have moved on pretty quickly between the two. Just now she has come back and asked if it's okay if he stays for 8 weeks. This is because he has a plan; if he stays there he will pay some of the rent so more money can go towards a new house to private rent (where the two families can merge). The real kicker is that she is okay for my two older sisters to rent the house I'm staying in if they want.

I can't object to this, because she is playing the guilt game on me. I am allowed to stay with my sisters if I want but that would mean I would see my mum even less along with the fact that I don't see my dad anymore.

Am I being unreasonable for disagreeing with this?

Reply 1

Parker Tracy

Original post by MarcusEmery

OK. First off, I'm sorry you are in the middle of this. That your mum and dad have split up. I can't imagine how difficult that is to deal with, but I do know this - a good friend of mine (who has a son) is in the process of splitting with her husband, and this is - for all the pain involved - the best possible outcome, because continuing as is, is just making everyone really unhappy.

I suspect your mum will have been really unhappy with your dad, for a long time before they split up. And your dad will have been unhappy with her too. They have probably done their absolute best to make this work, and to try as they might, it hasn't worked. They will have done everything to try and spare you this discomfort. But, despite all their efforts they've realised they need to go their separate ways.

Here's the thing: your parents love you, no matter what. And, even if you are angry with them right now - you will love them too, until the end. That's what matters. That's what family is. It is about loving people and forgiving them. I guarantee, they will show up for you, no matter what trouble you are in, no matter who they are with, or who your are with, or what you do, you will always be their top priority.

I lost my father recently. He and I had our differences. But at the end, all I remembered was all the fun we had together. Not the disagreements, or the differences. I sat by his bedside and I was brimming over with love for him. That's what sustains.

Your parents are people, just like you. Part of being an adult is recognising they are not perfect. They want to be happy. And they want you to be happy. Life is so short. Believe me. Try and just accept that your mother being with someone else is not compromising how she feels about you. It is not a betrayal of how she felt about your dad either. Many relationships do not work out. But the parent/child relationship transcends everything.