19 year old dating 30 year old - thoughts

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
He is just turning 30 and a friend of my brother in laws, we met at his birthday party and hit it off immediately. It seems to be going very well so far but I worry about the age difference. What are your thoughts / experiences?
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karl pilkington
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#2
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it's not a big deal you are both adults
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Arzy
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If you're okay with it and he seems genuine then although it can be perceived as weird, if it makes you happy then it isn't anyone else's business.

But be cautious
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Cheesychips1
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I find it odd that somebody who is 30 would want to date a 19 year old, I'm 26 and can't even imagine dating someone younger than say 22/23. You're at such different points in your life, and will have different levels of experience in relationships that can lead to an unusual power dynamic.

I suppose you know you're own maturity levels, and how comfortable you feel in the relationship. I've had friends who have dated quite older men, and it's quickly transpired the reason these men enjoy dating younger women is because they have lower expectations, and essentially hang off their every word and put up less of a fight. I'm not saying your boyfriend is like this at all, but it's just something to watch out for.
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Anonymous #2
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I've heard this come up quite a bit in old age, where on partner is significantly older than the other. The younger partner may end up taking on a carer role, or one partner may retire before the other, and timetables and interests and lives no longer match up, making the relationship difficult.

But as you're young this is obviously not relevant to you yet, however you are both at very different stages in your lives - i.e. he may be very settled and stable in his career and where he lives, whereas you may just be starting out with trying to figure out what it is you want to do, and seeking opportunities everywhere and anywhere, however to make the relationship work you may have to settle just to be with him as he is not ready to uproot himself after setting up base.

That being said, if you truly think that he is the one and all that jazz and you want to be with him and want to make it work then go for it, don't let anyone put you off.
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Domasn
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Personally, 11 years seems quite the age gap.

At age 30 your perspectives would be quite different from a 19-year-old, being at your age I would be careful as there suitable guys for you at a similar age to you.
But that's coming from me if you guys hit it off and it's going well... I can't say much.
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username1221160
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If you get on well then I don't see it is an issue.
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username3890778
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#8
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wth I thought it said 16 and 30
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gjd800
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It's fine.
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Anonymous #3
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If you get on well, why not? I've got friends with a similar age gap who are extremely happy (35 and 23, for example).

It's down to individuals (sweeping generalisations have no bearing on you and him). So I'd say give it a go.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He is just turning 30 and a friend of my brother in laws, we met at his birthday party and hit it off immediately. It seems to be going very well so far but I worry about the age difference. What are your thoughts / experiences?
It's fine. You're both consenting adults.

As for the relationship actually being successful is another thing because you're at different life stages.
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ladamesansmerci
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I think you have to question why a 30 year old, realistically, would want to date a 19 year old. It doesn't matter how mature you are, you are at vastly different points in your life, which can create a weird imbalance of power in relationships. I'm only 24 (nearly 25) and I wouldn't dream of dating a 19 year old. You're not far off having left school, and personally I'd just find it weird. Legally, however, you are an adult, so of course you can do what you want, and of course a lot of people have age gaps.

However, because you are only 19, just be very cautious and careful, and get the hell out of there at the first sign of any red flags.
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katf
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If you both have similar goals and aims in life, then go for it. You clearly like each other. You're both adults, so it's fine morally and legally. Just make sure you both want to do things at the same time, like have kids. Just as an anecdote, my mum was 21 when she married my dad. They recently celebrated their 24th anniversary. It can work.
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Anonymous #4
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What are his motives? A lot of guys where the age gap is more than five years want younger women because we are more open to all sex adventures for them and us for arm candy.

If you were in your mid twenties I would respond differently even with a larger age gap.

My thought don’t let yourself be used.
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jotaro-kujo
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#15
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wtf!

if I were a parent I'd be disapproving of your age gap especially considering the fact you're 19 and they're 30

if you were say, 50 and 61 then that's a different story

right now y'all are at different points in your life.
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Unspawnedmantis
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Rocky road to ruin
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username4094562
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It’s fine. You are both adults.
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DrMikeHuntHertz
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#18
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If it's just a piece of the side it's ok, but as for actual dating material, probably not, although it's progressive when compared to medieval standards.
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squaaaanch
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At 19 I was still very immature, wasn't sure what I wanted out of life. An older man who was 30 who I met at a party kept pursuing me, even though I had told him several times I couldnt see us being together. I didnt mind just hanging out with him though. I got drunk on New Years and finally agreed to be his girlfriend, we were together for 2 years and in that time I ended up cutting myself from all my friends, lost all my self respect and self esteem. I didnt even have any of my old friends around to tell me maybe this relationship isnt right for yoy because he pushed me away from them, and my parents didnt care because he was a
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squaaaanch
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Because he was a doctor (graduated medical school, no job and lived at home with his parents) He manipulated me, enabled me we were basically codependent and I ended up quitting my job to be with him because he got angry that I couldnt get off work one day. I essentially put my life on hold, cut off all my friends because he didnt like them, and was just so full of negativity for 2 years. I ended up getting diagnosed with mental illnesses after we broke up and he told me that he knew the whole time but never pushed me to seek help. Dating an older man can be ok if youre mature and working on yourself at the same time, but sometimes they just cant get anyone their own age and you might have to ask yourself why that is. I cant get my teenage years back or undo the things I did out of anger when I was with him because it was so negative and completely killed my self esteem. I was not independent at all and I think he liked being able to control someone.
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