Quitting university already? Watch

onithompo
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I've only been here at UWE for two weeks but the entire time I've been here I haven't been able to shake a strong feeling that something isn't right. I wasn't originally going to attend university but then about a week before the deadline during my gap year I suddenly realised I had no idea what else to do so picked a uni based off of a list of uni stereotypes on The Tab (stupid i know) without going to any open days . I was looking forward to it but since arriving i have been feeling extremely depressed and anxious, my flat mates are nice enough but not at all the sorts of people id usually hang out with and we have nothing in common, plus there's the fact that I'm transgender and I have changed my name and title/dress masculinely but i don't really look like a man and i think people are weirded out that they can't tell my gender but are too awkward to ask and i am too awkward to bring it up. I'm also deeply regretting picking a university so far from home because I'm close with my family and all my old friends (none of whom went to uni) are a £100 train journey away. My final reason is that in my course 6 hours a week is spent literally just watching films with only 6 hours actual teaching time and this just isn't worth the money for something that is highly unlikely to actually help me get a job.

Anyway I'm thinking i should drop out within the next ten days so that I'm not liable for any tuition fees, go back home until I've completed my gender transition and then try again in a year or two after thinking properly about what i actually want to study and where, I already have a job so I won't be just sitting around and leeching off my parents. Ideally I would give it a chance until Christmas but then I have to pay an entire semesters worth of tuition fees plus maintenance with nothing to show for it. Is this a terrible idea/could this potentially ruin future job prospects because I'll be seen as a dropout? or can I just not even mention my brief stint with higher education? Any opinions would be great because I don't really want to mention this to my parents until I'm sure.
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Zeetingman
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I hope this isn't me in a months time tbh but if I was in your position I don't care what anybody says I would drop out end of the day you have to put yourself first. If your not happy it's not worth spending 3-4 yrs somewhere you aren't comfortable.
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wonderland.16
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I think the important thing here is to do what's right for you. If you are not comfortable on the course, if you are not happy, don't stay there. The worst thing you can do is put yourself through something for an outcome you do not want, and being unhappy for months, for nothing. I would normally say stick it out, which is what I said to my friend last year. She was going to drop out but I convinced her to stick it til Christmas and she is still here now. BUT if you aren't comfortable within your own self right now, and on top of that your mental health isn't 100% then you definitely should consider that first. Health is #1 on the list, education #2. And make sure you do what you want to do, a course you want to do, where you want to be etc.

Best of luck, I hope this helps a little, message me if needed
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Kiritsugu
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(Original post by onithompo)
I've only been here at UWE for two weeks but the entire time I've been here I haven't been able to shake a strong feeling that something isn't right. I wasn't originally going to attend university but then about a week before the deadline during my gap year I suddenly realised I had no idea what else to do so picked a uni based off of a list of uni stereotypes on The Tab (stupid i know) without going to any open days . I was looking forward to it but since arriving i have been feeling extremely depressed and anxious, my flat mates are nice enough but not at all the sorts of people id usually hang out with and we have nothing in common, plus there's the fact that I'm transgender and I have changed my name and title/dress masculinely but i don't really look like a man and i think people are weirded out that they can't tell my gender but are too awkward to ask and i am too awkward to bring it up. I'm also deeply regretting picking a university so far from home because I'm close with my family and all my old friends (none of whom went to uni) are a £100 train journey away. My final reason is that in my course 6 hours a week is spent literally just watching films with only 6 hours actual teaching time and this just isn't worth the money for something that is highly unlikely to actually help me get a job.

Anyway I'm thinking i should drop out within the next ten days so that I'm not liable for any tuition fees, go back home until I've completed my gender transition and then try again in a year or two after thinking properly about what i actually want to study and where, I already have a job so I won't be just sitting around and leeching off my parents. Ideally I would give it a chance until Christmas but then I have to pay an entire semesters worth of tuition fees plus maintenance with nothing to show for it. Is this a terrible idea/could this potentially ruin future job prospects because I'll be seen as a dropout? or can I just not even mention my brief stint with higher education? Any opinions would be great because I don't really want to mention this to my parents until I'm sure.
It's your decision so your parents shouldn't be telling you what to do about which life path you choose, though there's nothing wrong with offering advice and guidance.

I think you already know what to do. The right choice can be felt in your gut, your intuition and in your heart.

The impression I get is that you chose this 3 year course with a rushed decision - would you or I really know any better - ship happens.

Many successful people are dropouts. Employers don't care nor see if you're a dropout, I'm pretty sure of that. Also, it isn't that your a drop-out as such, it's just that you've changed your pathway by making a decision more in tune with your gut feeling.

Would you rather take this course... or would you rather lift yourself up and take a leap of faith in spite of all the possible rejections?

Make the right choice.
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Cecelia Tallice
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#5
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(Original post by onithompo)
I've only been here at UWE for two weeks but the entire time I've been here I haven't been able to shake a strong feeling that something isn't right. I wasn't originally going to attend university but then about a week before the deadline during my gap year I suddenly realised I had no idea what else to do so picked a uni based off of a list of uni stereotypes on The Tab (stupid i know) without going to any open days . I was looking forward to it but since arriving i have been feeling extremely depressed and anxious, my flat mates are nice enough but not at all the sorts of people id usually hang out with and we have nothing in common, plus there's the fact that I'm transgender and I have changed my name and title/dress masculinely but i don't really look like a man and i think people are weirded out that they can't tell my gender but are too awkward to ask and i am too awkward to bring it up. I'm also deeply regretting picking a university so far from home because I'm close with my family and all my old friends (none of whom went to uni) are a £100 train journey away. My final reason is that in my course 6 hours a week is spent literally just watching films with only 6 hours actual teaching time and this just isn't worth the money for something that is highly unlikely to actually help me get a job.

Anyway I'm thinking i should drop out within the next ten days so that I'm not liable for any tuition fees, go back home until I've completed my gender transition and then try again in a year or two after thinking properly about what i actually want to study and where, I already have a job so I won't be just sitting around and leeching off my parents. Ideally I would give it a chance until Christmas but then I have to pay an entire semesters worth of tuition fees plus maintenance with nothing to show for it. Is this a terrible idea/could this potentially ruin future job prospects because I'll be seen as a dropout? or can I just not even mention my brief stint with higher education? Any opinions would be great because I don't really want to mention this to my parents until I'm sure.
I’d give it till the end of the week and if you still feel strongly then discuss with course tutor. Finding the right course is so important! If you aren’t feeling confident and happy in yourself then you won’t achieve the best you can in any case. I say if you are still feeling this way on Friday then think about having a year out to make sure it’s what you really want to do and that you are ready and happy enough in yourself to commit to it. Also I’ve only just started uni and I haven’t met any people i 100% click with yet but I think it’s just a case of time. So don’t drop out because of that. Good luck and I’m sure you’ll make the right decision! Remember you can do a degree at any age so if you’re not ready right now it doesn’t matter.
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TeddyBear86
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Do you get job seekers ? As your course is 6 hours a week of contact hours with tutor why not get jobseekers to help you support and then do twelve to fifteen hours weeek of personal study time and got to university for lectures and seminars.
At the end end give a few weeks more say until October and then decide. How about looking at changing course or modules sand then decide.
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Plus7
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When is your transition happening out of interest. Could you not use your loan to go private (costs like £500 then you're on hormones lol). I'm trans (FTM too) and in your position too. Not started uni yet though (Sept). I know I won't have friends and people WILL question my gender but this is all temporary. We shall soon be passable men. I'm there for a degree at the end of the day.
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Emma1999_
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I'm not at one or going to one but my advice would be to trust yourself , don't spend years doing something your not happy doing as you will regret but also look at alternatives before you leave so making sure you will have money behind you , accommodation . Don't worry also if you do drop out and think its the wrong choice you always have the option to go to local colleges for level4-6 or even the open university. I hope you get it all sorted as I know what its like to be uncomfortable , it will all work out eventually
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Plus7
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(Original post by Emma1999_)
I'm not at one or going to one but my advice would be to trust yourself , don't spend years doing something your not happy doing as you will regret but also look at alternatives before you leave so making sure you will have money behind you , accommodation . Don't worry also if you do drop out and think its the wrong choice you always have the option to go to local colleges for level4-6 or even the open university. I hope you get it all sorted as I know what its like to be uncomfortable , it will all work out eventually
Yep! I stayed at home to complete a year of Open University (60 credits) just while I got my head together, then applied to Uni (using those credits) and am starting in September. There are even free Access courses, but I preferred OU as it's distance and you get tuition support. So plenty of options for a break to get your head together OP, no shame in that!
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Emma1999_
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(Original post by Plus7)
Yep! I stayed at home to complete a year of Open University (60 credits) just while I got my head together, then applied to Uni and am starting in September. There are even free Access courses, but I preferred OU as it's distance and you get tuition support. So plenty of options for a break to get your head together OP, no shame in that!
Hi , was the support good and did you find it easier to apply and sort everything . I'm currently considering whether to start a course with them ( not sure if a degree but some form of a course) but have a few mental health issues
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Plus7
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(Original post by Emma1999_)
Hi , was the support good and did you find it easier to apply and sort everything . I'm currently considering whether to start a course with them ( not sure if a degree but some form of a course) but have a few mental health issues
Yes, my tutor was lovely. You can call but they prefer email them about anything so that's good for socially awkward beings like me. Applying for SFE was done in a matter of a week and straight forward as can be, applying for the degree was also easy as can be. You just pick your first modules and off you go. You can add more later.

Honestly I can't complain about it, it was challenging and fun and if you get stuck you simply go online and google everywhere haha. Learning new things without the pressure of people was pretty cool.

Hope this helps, and I hope your mental health f*cks off asap . I have anxiety myself so OU was perfect for me (although when I'm waiting for grades I do tend to have a heart attack, but it's all good fun). I doubt you'll regret the experience, but that's just me.
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onithompo
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(Original post by Plus7)
When is your transition happening out of interest. Could you not use your loan to go private (costs like £500 then you're on hormones lol). I'm trans (FTM too) and in your position too. Not started uni yet though (Sept). I know I won't have friends and people WILL question my gender but this is all temporary. We shall soon be passable men. I'm there for a degree at the end of the day.
I had my first appointment at the GIC (which is 4 hours away now:/) in June and they said it'd be another 6 months before I saw the specialist and could start talking about getting hormones. I really can't afford to go private tho, i barely have enough money for food as it is. I suppose I could get through uni if really cared about my degree but I'm not that bothered about it really, at least not for now. Anyway i wish you the best of luck with your transition, there are quite a few trans people in the lgbt societies which they have at most unis so you should be able to find some people who understand at least.
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Plus7
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(Original post by onithompo)
I had my first appointment at the GIC (which is 4 hours away now:/) in June and they said it'd be another 6 months before I saw the specialist and could start talking about getting hormones. I really can't afford to go private tho, i barely have enough money for food as it is. I suppose I could get through uni if really cared about my degree but I'm not that bothered about it really, at least not for now. Anyway i wish you the best of luck with your transition, there are quite a few trans people in the lgbt societies which they have at most unis so you should be able to find some people who understand at least.
Thank you!! I'm more of an 'individual' and reserved as hell though, I feel I don't relate to most people lmao, and I HATE talking about trans issues. As far as I'm concerned I'm male and that's it.

Anyway, damn it I know the Nhs sucks for transitioning. Took me 2 years to get my first appointment even. Anyway I always think the longer the wait the happier we're going to be when it happens (I went private for hormones but top surgery is on NHS and just as important lol). Good luck too! Sh*t will work out for you.
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Emma1999_
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(Original post by Plus7)
Yes, my tutor was lovely. You can call but they prefer email them about anything so that's good for socially awkward beings like me. Applying for SFE was done in a matter of a week and straight forward as can be, applying for the degree was also easy as can be. You just pick your first modules and off you go. You can add more later.

Honestly I can't complain about it, it was challenging and fun and if you get stuck you simply go online and google everywhere haha. Learning new things without the pressure of people was pretty cool.

Hope this helps, and I hope your mental health f*cks off asap . I have anxiety myself so OU was perfect for me (although when I'm waiting for grades I do tend to have a heart attack, but it's all good fun). I doubt you'll regret the experience, but that's just me.
Thank you so much for your advice , a lot of people have said ou is good for mental health so might speak to my parents and see if it's right and thank you I hope your mental health gets better I have anxiety too and ocd so i know the struggles . Thank you again 🙂
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Bigpaddy27
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I would drop out. It really sounds like a horrible experience. I hope you are ok.
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Twenty15girl
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By the problem with the OU is that the enrolment for new modules and courses has closed and trust I have been down that road and the transferring is a lot more complicating as for some uni they view as “drop out anonymous” if it helps I would suggest you consider either staying where you are and moving course and keeping your course where you and make adjustments to your personal work schedule. At uni your are prepared to do a lot of work outside uni so sitting playing games, scrolling through social media could be what is draining you.
Have you also considered the personal 121 tutor that has been assigned to you and also 2nd and third year there will be considerably more work and contact hours. At first your learning the basics, touching on the subject briefly
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lucabrasi98
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(Original post by onithompo)
I've only been here at UWE for two weeks but the entire time I've been here I haven't been able to shake a strong feeling that something isn't right. I wasn't originally going to attend university but then about a week before the deadline during my gap year I suddenly realised I had no idea what else to do so picked a uni based off of a list of uni stereotypes on The Tab (stupid i know) without going to any open days . I was looking forward to it but since arriving i have been feeling extremely depressed and anxious, my flat mates are nice enough but not at all the sorts of people id usually hang out with and we have nothing in common, plus there's the fact that I'm transgender and I have changed my name and title/dress masculinely but i don't really look like a man and i think people are weirded out that they can't tell my gender but are too awkward to ask and i am too awkward to bring it up. I'm also deeply regretting picking a university so far from home because I'm close with my family and all my old friends (none of whom went to uni) are a £100 train journey away. My final reason is that in my course 6 hours a week is spent literally just watching films with only 6 hours actual teaching time and this just isn't worth the money for something that is highly unlikely to actually help me get a job.

Anyway I'm thinking i should drop out within the next ten days so that I'm not liable for any tuition fees, go back home until I've completed my gender transition and then try again in a year or two after thinking properly about what i actually want to study and where, I already have a job so I won't be just sitting around and leeching off my parents. Ideally I would give it a chance until Christmas but then I have to pay an entire semesters worth of tuition fees plus maintenance with nothing to show for it. Is this a terrible idea/could this potentially ruin future job prospects because I'll be seen as a dropout? or can I just not even mention my brief stint with higher education? Any opinions would be great because I don't really want to mention this to my parents until I'm sure.
Join the lgbt society.

Join a sport society (casual)

Stay in your living room more often

Get a doorstop for your door
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potatohouse
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Do what feels right. If this uni right now doesnt, then dont go! If you do want to go to uni this year look into transferring. Also some unis offer the choice to be put into accomodation with other LBGTQ+ people (eg Sheffield) where u may be more comfortable. If I were you I would wait another year, research degree programmenes you are interested in and that will give you greater employment oppurtunities and also find unis that offer lgbtq+ accomodation and are closer to your home! Theres nothing wrong with not moving far away and becoming 100% independent
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TeddyBear86
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Have you made any decisions yet on your Uni?
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onithompo
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#20
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(Original post by TeddyBear86)
Have you made any decisions yet on your Uni?
yeah i decided to drop out, because it's early i won't have to pay any tuition so it won't have much impact on my life as a whole and i can think properly about if/where i want to go to uni next year.
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