Should I be charging my Boyfriend rent if he stays with me 3+ nights a week? Watch

nadkcisaes
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My boyfriend stays with me anything between 3-5 nights a week.
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lacky456
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If he is here 5 days a week, you might as well ask if he wants to move in and pay half of everything just to get the conversation going. He might say no to moving in, but it will make him aware that he can't stay there for free.
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The Empire Odyssey
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(Original post by nadkcisaes)
I live in my own studio flat at university. My boyfriend stays with me anything between 3-5 nights a week. Should I be charging him rent? He has a full time job and graduated uni 3 years ago. He has to pay board when he goes home. My uni friends told me that its unfair that he can come and stay with me for free when I have to cook and clean and have to do x2 of everything. I will admit he does pay for the shopping now and then. But also I have to put up with him turning the lights on using the microwave and hairdryer at 5:30am to get ready for work, which has really messed up my sleeping pattern. If I did charge him Board how would I bring it up? I am currently paying £140 bills included per week? How much should I charge him? I just feel mean that I would have to do this but my friends do have a point, and also how is this benefiting me in any way? Of course I get to see him but that's at the price of basically catering and putting up with him haha. Whereas he comes to get away from his parents nagging him and see me and stay with me for free.
If he's paying to live somewhere else, why would you ask him to pay to stay at yours? Don't you think he would come back with this question?

I don't think he should pay. But you should bring it to his attention that your housemates are not that happy with him using electric (even though it doesn't make a difference to bill payer's). Either ask him to chip in a bit for bills (this really won't work), or ask him to buy food. Or just ask him to come and visit you on the weekends. If it's quite a mission then either you pay him for travel expenses and he pay you back for food.

Either way, I don't think he should be paying some money towards rent since he's not the one who signed the contract. If your housemates are really that petty to say "he's wasting electricity by uses our microwave!" this won't be your only problem you'll have with them.
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anonymus#196
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The slight issue is if you start charging rent he may not take it very well (ie he might dump you)
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sinfonietta
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This is more likely to cause problems than anything. I'd imagine it would result in him seeing you less if he has to start paying both you and his parents. That would even be break-up worthy IMO.

You say he contributes to food costs so other than losing sleep, what is it really costing you to have him there? Using the microwave isn't really a big financial drain.
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Helloworld_95
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Best option is probably to tell him to buy 2-3 days worth of shopping and cook a couple of times each week, clean once every week or two. That would be a reasonably fair division of costs and labour, and if he's not willing to do that then it's not the best indicator for the long term. Relationships are a partnership, and if you can't fulfil your side to the best of your ability then something is going wrong.

On the hairdryer point, tell him that he has to do that as late as he can before he goes to work, and if it's not possible then ask him to see if he can get shifts at a time which is more suitable for the both of you.
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Ridinghigh95
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Wow lol. I feel like saying welcome to the real world!!! People do get up and make noise before going to work- at least he is working. And no you can’t charge him money. If you feel he is draining you a bit ask if he either wants to move in so he gets the idea or say nothing. You don’t sound like you like him much anyway if you want to charge rent in the first place then say he isn’t really benefitting you financially. Funnily enough he’s not supposed to! Ask him to move in and if he’s that much of a drain maybe just be single
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fallen_acorns
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obviously he should pay something.

but you shouldn't be 'charging him rent' either.

if your a healthy/mature couple, then you just work together. A big part of that is working together financially - making sure that you share costs, both get nice things, both take responsibility for jobs that need doing etc.

If my wife had asked me to pay rent back when she was my girlfriend and I stayed with her - I would have been quite offended. But we both had the mutal expectation that we would help each other out financially, and we both did. After a while, when we were fully commited to each other, we just pooled our money together, and started to treat us as a single financial unit, rather than two individuals - after that everything became a lot easier.
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StriderHort
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I think it's a great idea!, assuming the intent is to get rid of him as soon as possible

(Original post by Ridinghigh95)
Wow lol. I feel like saying welcome to the real world!!! People do get up and make noise before going to work- at least he is working.
Everyone's got their own schedule, if you share a house that's an accepted compromise...but IMO if having a guest stay over means you need to get up hours earlier than normal ...and that starts creeping to 2...3....4 days a week, yeah i'd say that's a serious imposition...and you need to have the convo of 'Are you moving in here or not?' He shouldn't really be setting the regular schedule somewhere he doesn't live.

I'm up for uni at 5 most mornings, but I tiptoe about and there are some things I simply don't feel it's appropriate to do/use at that time....hairdryers...microwaves, loud tv, washing machine, power tools ect, i'd expect complaints. Possibly from neighbours as well (which would be the OPs issue)
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Seren102
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He’s your boyfriend...
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ANM775
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(Original post by The Empire Odyssey)
If he's paying to live somewhere else, why would you ask him to pay to stay at yours? Don't you think he would come back with this question?

I don't think he should pay. But you should bring it to his attention that your housemates are not that happy with him using electric (even though it doesn't make a difference to bill payer's). Either ask him to chip in a bit for bills (this really won't work), or ask him to buy food. Or just ask him to come and visit you on the weekends. If it's quite a mission then either you pay him for travel expenses and he pay you back for food.

Either way, I don't think he should be paying some money towards rent since he's not the one who signed the contract. If your housemates are really that petty to say "he's wasting electricity by uses our microwave!" this won't be your only problem you'll have with them.


She said she has a studio flat, nowhere does she mention housemates. It looks like she's living on her own.

I don't think she should ask for rent tbh. He's not officially living there. Tot up how much money he is consuming by being over there and if it is a lot or you are having trouble financially coping with it then she should explain that and ask him to do more shopping or something.

apart from the shopping, i don't really see how he could be costing her much tbh. I mean all her bills are included.

OP just seems to resent the fact that he's paying nothing, even though he's costing her next to nothing [she mentioned he helps sometimes with the shopping]
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bones-mccoy
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Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but you charging him rent would technically be subletting which you have to ask permission for and most landlords don't like this.

If he's staying with you at least half of the week then he should be buying his own food and doing his fair share of the general cleaning.

If you don't want to be woken up in the early hours by a hairdryer, don't live with him. It sounds like you didn't have a problem with him staying with you until other people starting commenting on a situation that is absolutely none of their business. If you're viewing this as "putting up with him" then perhaps you're not mature enough for a serious relationship.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by nadkcisaes)
I live in my own studio flat at university. My boyfriend stays with me anything between 3-5 nights a week. Should I be charging him rent? He has a full time job and graduated uni 3 years ago. He has to pay board when he goes home. My uni friends told me that its unfair that he can come and stay with me for free when I have to cook and clean and have to do x2 of everything. I will admit he does pay for the shopping now and then. But also I have to put up with him turning the lights on using the microwave and hairdryer at 5:30am to get ready for work, which has really messed up my sleeping pattern. If I did charge him Board how would I bring it up? I am currently paying £140 bills included per week? How much should I charge him? I just feel mean that I would have to do this but my friends do have a point, and also how is this benefiting me in any way? Of course I get to see him but that's at the price of basically catering and putting up with him haha. Whereas he comes to get away from his parents nagging him and see me and stay with me for free.
Wow, I would be so mad if my partner ever dared to ask me something like that, lol.
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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Well, firstly if you're paying £140 including bills, it doesn't make a huge amount of difference financially if he's there or not.

If you charged him "rent", you would be subletting, and I'm sure your landlord would be unimpressed at that.

However, I think you should share the cost of the shopping, and also share any chores that might need to be done around the place. I've always been the kind of person who likes to pay my way so it does my head in to think that he's sitting there paying nothing and expecting you to do everything as well.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by nadkcisaes)
I live in my own studio flat at university. My boyfriend stays with me anything between 3-5 nights a week. Should I be charging him rent? He has a full time job and graduated uni 3 years ago. He has to pay board when he goes home. My uni friends told me that its unfair that he can come and stay with me for free when I have to cook and clean and have to do x2 of everything. I will admit he does pay for the shopping now and then. But also I have to put up with him turning the lights on using the microwave and hairdryer at 5:30am to get ready for work, which has really messed up my sleeping pattern. If I did charge him Board how would I bring it up? I am currently paying £140 bills included per week? How much should I charge him? I just feel mean that I would have to do this but my friends do have a point, and also how is this benefiting me in any way? Of course I get to see him but that's at the price of basically catering and putting up with him haha. Whereas he comes to get away from his parents nagging him and see me and stay with me for free.
Does your tenancy allow 'guests' to stay most of the time?
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remiaitman
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have a calm conversation with him and lovingly ask him to participate more in your financial responsibilities. it should lead to you two making a deal on how you two could split the overall costs of him living with you (as opposed to the costs of you living by yourself, as you've stated he only lives with you 3-5 days a week). try calculate (either get him to do so, or do so yourself) the physical and menial activities that you conduct while he's staying with you and if he's not a piece of **** then he'll understand and work out a deal with you. make sure to illustrate the importance of the matter that you feel and he should respect that.
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Joleee
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if you don't talk to him it will eat you up inside. maybe he doesn't pay you rent, but maybe he pays for your groceries the days he stays with you. it's not fair that he's living there with you and getting it for free.

when is your lease up? maybe you get a lease together next time?
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ltsmith
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No lmao

If you were a guy and your girlfriend moved in with you, would you charge her rent?
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Drostina
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I live with my half we split all the costs and everything is great, although if she didn't offer to pay half the rent, I wouldn't have asked her to.

I cook for her everyday, fresh food too, and I clean most of the time. Yet I am super happy and I don't feel forced to do any of it. I do it because I love cooking fresh food and cleaning, and most importantly of all, I love her lots! In return, I sometimes ask her to clean or hoover the place but that's about it.
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rockrunride
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Bejaysus.

Rent? He stays with you three nights a week ffs.

I know being a young homeowner more or less makes you a money printer and thirsty for more, but come on.

If you want him to chip in, get him to move in.
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