Anti Social Personality Disorder is the actual diagnosis.
I went to a college doc thinking I had depression or type 2 bipolar because I'm very impulsive and feeling low..
I'm not actually depressed, I just feel bored or empty, I express that through anger and I don't show any signs of actual depression or bipolar.
They mentioned ASPD a couple of times but they're reluctant to give any real diagnosis, I stopped going soon after I realised the only thing they suggested was talk therapy.
My parents have said it before too.
They thought I had abused or dogs, being cruel to them etc.
I never was, I just get angry when they rush to the door because we're having an argument or because they're barking..
I never hit them or abused them.
I was a trouble child, I'd flip tables and break pens over a teacher giving out to me, as well as that I was calculated about it, really vicious, I would say anything I could to get to them..
I started to realise I'm different from others awhile back.
My dad developed prostate cancer, it was early stages and he had his prostate removed stopping any possibility of it spreading and as a result he's fine.
My parents didn't tell my younger siblings, just me.
I saw him in the ICU after the surgery and I was glad he made it through but I never cried over it, I never dwelled on the thought.
He's talked about it since and I just state the facts and say I'm glad you're alright, because I am, I'm connected to him - probably more so than anyone else in my family.. but I realised I don't actually feel empathy.
However, I do understand it - I'm not an idiot.
We were bringing our dog to the vet to be put down, and we were all saying goodbye in the house, she couldn't walk and had terminal cancer.. everyone else was crying and while I felt sad that I'd never see her again I wasn't crying.
Turns out she had a ulcer in her stomach and some strange form of arthritis in her hip, so she took medication and she's fine, she had her uterus removed so that's slowed the cancer drastically and she's still here 6 months later.
I can almost 'turn it on' in a sense, I do well talking to girls in clubs, I'm good at making connections.
I'm terrible at long standing relationships, I've fallen out or grown apart from everyone I went to college with in first year..
I get very easily frustrated too, I've broken cupboard doors because I caught my trouser pocket on the handle..
I'm not an inherently bad person, I'm machiavellian but not sadistic.
I don't see any upside to getting a professional diagnosis, you're labelled negatively, and the suggestion is talk therapy.. which on a positive note might make you better at managing the slightly negative sides: impulsivity, anger etc..
This isn't something I can talk about with others, people don't like hearing it and worse than that it stands only to negatively impact all relationships.
Apparently even the way I dress is evidence of ASPD, I dress, well but 'out there' I like Saint Laurent boots, skinny jeans, and shearling coats.
Like many if not most with ASPD I also show traits of narcissism.