Staying Safe on a One Night Stand
One night stands (or any form of casual sex) aren’t for everyone. However, around this time of year, a lot of people do end up having sex with people they don’t know very well at freshers or soon after.
There are risks to having sex with someone you don’t know very well, and the less well you know them, the higher the risks are. However, it is possible to mitigate these risks and have a safe and fun one night stand!
My tips for staying safe:
-Always let someone you trust know where you are going- including the address and make plans to check in in the morning. Make sure the person you are sleeping with knows you have done this.
-Personally, I do think it is better to go to their place than yours- it is often easier to leave a place than force someone who doesn’t want to go to leave your room/house.
-Always use a condom. If someone is having a one night stand with you, chances are they are with other people too. You can’t know they are sexually healthy, so always use a condom to protect yourself from STDs.
-Listen to your gut. If you change your mind and something doesn’t feel right, then it’s ok to back out and/or ask to leave. Often our instinct is picking up on subtle signals that something isn’t right, so if you don’t feel 100% comfortable, then it’s ok to change your mind- even partway through sex. If your partner does not respect this, it is rape and you should report them!
-Listen to your partner. If they change their mind it is obviously disappointing, but everyone has the right to do this. Be kind and remember that if you try to coerce someone into sex, you could be committing a criminal act.
-Make sure both of you are able to consent. Often people have one night stands after having a little to drink, which is fine, but if one person is falling down drunk and the other is nearly sober, that’s not ok and could even be considered rape or sexual assault. Make sure your partner is able to consent, and watch out for your friends, too!
-No kink! I know this sounds a bit boring, but I think kink should always be carefully negotiated with both parties able to talk about their boundaries. I definitely wouldn’t feel safe agreeing to any sort of restraint with a stranger and would have a hard no on things like choking. Your mileage may vary on something like this, but personally I wouldn’t engage in any BDSM type activities with someone I didn’t know and trust. I would also never engage in kink under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this and be sure to share your safety tips and advice too!
Also, if you do see your former sexual partner around campus, do try to be polite and friendly- after all, you liked them enough to have sex with!
There are risks to having sex with someone you don’t know very well, and the less well you know them, the higher the risks are. However, it is possible to mitigate these risks and have a safe and fun one night stand!
My tips for staying safe:
-Always let someone you trust know where you are going- including the address and make plans to check in in the morning. Make sure the person you are sleeping with knows you have done this.
-Personally, I do think it is better to go to their place than yours- it is often easier to leave a place than force someone who doesn’t want to go to leave your room/house.
-Always use a condom. If someone is having a one night stand with you, chances are they are with other people too. You can’t know they are sexually healthy, so always use a condom to protect yourself from STDs.
-Listen to your gut. If you change your mind and something doesn’t feel right, then it’s ok to back out and/or ask to leave. Often our instinct is picking up on subtle signals that something isn’t right, so if you don’t feel 100% comfortable, then it’s ok to change your mind- even partway through sex. If your partner does not respect this, it is rape and you should report them!
-Listen to your partner. If they change their mind it is obviously disappointing, but everyone has the right to do this. Be kind and remember that if you try to coerce someone into sex, you could be committing a criminal act.
-Make sure both of you are able to consent. Often people have one night stands after having a little to drink, which is fine, but if one person is falling down drunk and the other is nearly sober, that’s not ok and could even be considered rape or sexual assault. Make sure your partner is able to consent, and watch out for your friends, too!
-No kink! I know this sounds a bit boring, but I think kink should always be carefully negotiated with both parties able to talk about their boundaries. I definitely wouldn’t feel safe agreeing to any sort of restraint with a stranger and would have a hard no on things like choking. Your mileage may vary on something like this, but personally I wouldn’t engage in any BDSM type activities with someone I didn’t know and trust. I would also never engage in kink under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this and be sure to share your safety tips and advice too!
Also, if you do see your former sexual partner around campus, do try to be polite and friendly- after all, you liked them enough to have sex with!
(edited 5 years ago)
I think it's safer to go to yours if you're the woman. You don't then have to walk home in heels 
Original post by Anonymous
I think it's safer to go to yours if you're the woman. You don't then have to walk home in heels
I do think the question of location is the hardest one.
If they were really seriously planning to hurt you then going to theirs is also a risky choice. However, this kind of premeditate stranger violence is rare. It's much more common that one party changes their mind and wants to stop and the other maybe tries to coerce them into sex or threatens violence. In this case, it's often much easier to leave than to get someone else to leave your space.
Neutral territory such as a hotel room may also be a good option (although not a cheap one). The downside is that strangers around you are less likely to intervene if something goes wrong, but upsides include being able to leave easily, CCTV footage which may discourage certain behaviours, you know the space is going to be hygienic and so-on.
Sometimes, also, if things go badly wrong, it can help not having someone know where you live!
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