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    Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
    I reckon he's an accountant. No way - he's a stockbroker.
    He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
    The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder ...Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
    No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession!
    Oh! What's that then?
    I'll try to explain by example ...Do you have a goldfish at home?
    Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!
    Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
    It's in a pond!
    Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
    As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
    Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
    As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!
    Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
    Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!
    Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
    Yep! Four nights a week!
    Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
    Me? Never
    Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
    How's that then?
    Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
    I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!

    Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.

    I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
    Yep! He's a logical scientist!
    What's that then?
    I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

    Nope

    Well then, you're a ******.
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    Its 00:30. Do you think anyone is going to read that?
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    A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

    The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.

    So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great college!"

    The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"

    The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"

    The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a fag."
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    (Original post by Airel)
    Its 00:30. Do you think anyone is going to read that?
    Yes, of course.
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    I didn't read it, it being 00:30.
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    Well thats nice to know..
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    (Original post by ashy)
    I didn't read it, it being 00:30.
    Wrong! (Check the time of your post.)
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    (Original post by katsuhiko)
    Wrong! (Check the time of your post.)
    He probably typed that at 00:30 and pressed 'post reply' at 00:31.

    A common mishap.
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    (Original post by Airel)
    A common mishap.
    Indeed.
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    :bawling:
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    It was an okay joke, not worth the effort reading though :/
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    I chortled. d(^_^)b
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    (Original post by BJack)
    I chortled. d(^_^)b
    ZoMG HOW DID YOU GET THAT BACKWARDS D?!
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    (Original post by LawYah)
    ZoMG HOW DID YOU GET THAT BACKWARDS D?!
    Duh, it's not a backwards d, it's an upside-down p. :^_^:
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    heh heard them before, though.

    This is one of my faves:

    This woman was a prostitute and she lived with her nan, and obviously didn't want the nan to know about it, so often lied that she was just socialising. But once the police caught her being paid by a client and arrested her, among many other prossies that night. The day after they lined up all the prostitutes up in town for police questioning. To her horror the woman saw her nan nearby, who saw her waiting in the queue and said "Hello dear, why are you in this queue?" the prostitute says, "ermm, Im just..in a queue to buy some oranges on discount" the nan says "oh, I like oranges, Ill have to buy some" and joined the back of the queue. When the policeman got round to the old woman he asks her "Youre very old, how do you do it?" to which she said "Oh its easy dear, I just take my false teeth out and suck 'em dry!"
 
 
 
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