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Half-in and Half-out watch

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    #1

    Keep anon or delete please

    I'm a 19 year old guy and I am gay. I have known since I was about 13. When I was 15 myparents's confronted me about my sexuality (the night before my Standard Grade Modern Studies Exam) - I can still remember it as though it was yesterday! I cameout to my friends when I was 15/16,some tok it well others didn't - those that didn't decided to beat the living daylights out of me and I ended up in hospital overnight (they are of course now ex-friends).

    In 2006 I moved away from home to uni and nobody at all here knows that I am gay. I could just never seem to be able to tell anyone. My work colleagues don't know, my flatmates don't know and my friends from uni don't know.

    I am back to the way I felt when I wasn't out back home. I'm lonely and I just cannot seem to be able to tell anyone. I just keep my mouth shut. When my mates talk about girls I just smile and nod and tend not to try and avoid conversations about sex and girlfriends etc.

    I feel really stupid for ending up in this half-in and half-out situation and I just don't know what to do.
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    Well if people ask, or mention girls/ex partners/sex etc. maybe mention it? Or say something about how hot you find some guy. In all honesty, they may have guessed. I mean if you are a bit reluctant to speak about girls etc, they may already have their suspicions.

    Do you have an especially close uni friend that you can tell first? Maybe talk to them, if you feel comfortable, and this may make you feel better

    You haven't done anything wrong, I mean if you haven't actually been asked if you are gay then you aren't lying or whatever. If asked directly then just tell them the truth I guess.
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    Actually I don't quite understand why I posted that as anon,my profile makes it quite clear that I'm gay and as far as I know there isn't anybody on here who knows me at all.
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    Why the **** does it matter? You don't need to tell anyone you're gay, like your sexuality is everyone else's business.
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    I can understand if you feel a little apprehensive fully coming out. You had a terrible experiece before.

    But you'll find that once people at uni we are all quite mature and a bit more accepting of others. there'll always be a few idiots.

    But these are your friends, when the topic about girls comes up just blurt it out. Although randomgirl's advice is good, try and find your closest or most open-minded friend and build up from there. They'll hopefully give your the confidence you need. It's not doing you any good being so miserable and upset. Be proud of who you are.
    Take care
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    half in half out da da da da and shake it all about
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    shag a guy.... then we'll know.
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    I'm not generally one who shouts about their personal business and by coming out I don't mean telling everyone I see in the street. I just really mean having the confidence to be ME. I get uncomfortable when discussions about the latest page 3 girl come up and it gets round to "what's my opinion" - it's just that sort of thing (if that made any sense what so ever)
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    One of my close friends at Uni has that dilemma often - he feels really uncomfortable when other guys ask him "oh so do you think she's fit? wouldn't you?!" kinda thing, because he can't just go "oh by the way, actually I'm gay"...

    Maybe if you tell a close girl-mate first, see how comfortable you feel about that? x
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    Sorry to hear about your bad experiences. If you were my mate I probably would have knocked out the jerks who put you in the hospital.

    Anyway, back to the point. If you remain that same guy you have always been, then no one will care. Some people might distance themselves from you, but they are just douchebags you are too good for anyway.

    If I was in your place I would talk to a friend one-on-one. Find a private location, and just be blunt: "hey Jim/Tony/Rob, there is something I ought to tell you that I haven't. I am gay, and have been out of the closet for a while back home, but its something I really need to do now"

    Chances are you'll get a reaction along the lines of "Its alright mate, nothing to worry about, we don't care"

    Hope things turn out for the better.
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    Wiki Support Team
    I thought this was a thread about belly buttons.

    Anyway, people at uni are more mature. Of course, maturity isn't always a good thing; sometimes that means people are more opinionated. But there's definitely less homophobia. Of course you got beaten up when you were 15 - hell, I was very surprised that I didn't when I came out at 15. The people who did it to you were pricks, but probably just immature, ignorant pricks, and you'll probably find that they've now either changed their opinions completely and would regret doing it or haven't changed their opinions but would be unwilling to beat someone up over it.

    Just tell people if you want to. Don't go out of your way to if it doesn't crop up in conversation, but if it does, tell people in passing. It's really not a big deal, and most people will treat it as it is - just another thing that makes you you. Personally, I simply have it on my Facebook. Everyone who knows me knows and very few have ever made a fuss out of it. The only homophobes I know at uni are actually very friendly about it; they think I'm wrong for being gay, but they don't beat me up for it and I don't wave it about in their faces and we're mostly fine. Funny how homosexuals and homophobes can get on.
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    As has been said by others if it comes up at any point or becomes relevant to the conversation throw it in. Be confident and self assured and you may be pleasently surprised at their response.
    Dont make a big deal of making a point to tell them. Unless you outrightly claim to be straight to them you arnt lying, you just havent told them something about yourself.

    Look at it from the perspective that straight people dont feel the need to point out upon meeting someone that they are infact straight, it just usually comes out during conversation at some point, treat your sexuality in the same way
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    you must have had some pretty **** friends to do something like that
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    A good first step would be to join the LGBT society at uni. People there wont judge you and shouldn't tell others you go. See if you can find out anything about it
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    LGBT soc is a really good idea as said above. They will be able to give you a group of people who you can feel comfortable talking to about this. If you want to talk to your friends about it then muster up your courage and tell the person that you are closest too and you think is least likely to react badly. You don't have to tell them all at once so tell them when you are on your own or in a small group and as you tell more people you will find it easier until you are eventually out.
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    i don't really get it... you've been at uni two terms but haven't been to a single LGBT-type event?

    gay is COOL.
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    Brother, you need a hug. *HUG*
    • #2
    #2

    ;console;
    I know how you feel. I've told two close friends at uni, one close friend at home but my family don't know and the rest of my home friends and uni friends don't.

    It is annoying being half out.

    Mybe you should just tell very close friends that you know you can trust and that you get on really well with.

    The reason I haven't told all my friends is, it'll get round to the people that hate me really quickly because of connections they have with them.

    I haven't told all my uni friends because I don't think it's necessary. A lot of them are boys and they already give me a hard time for being the odd one out, not doing stuff they do, they'll have another reason. (not a serious hard time but still it bothers me). And given the boys took it at school and the way boys are with lesbian issues, they are going to ask me a load of questions and I don't want to answer any, no matter what it is. And thing's will just be different if I tell em. And it'll spread around to everyone that knows me and I'm in a new place. I'm not going through all that again (telling the wrong person, it spreading, getting questions or a hard time).

    I know I'm at uni now and people are meant to be more mature but they aren't really tbh and I've known these people months compared to years with my other friends and it isn't really necessary to tell strangers about my sexuality.
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    Thanks.

    I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens.
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    (Original post by Scotsman1988)
    Thanks.

    I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens.
    Good on you mate. I hope everything turns out well.
 
 
 
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