Is it weird if you become friends with your ex? Watch

Occitanie
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#21
Report 1 year ago
#21
I don’t think it’s weird if that’s what you both want, but chances are one or both you still has lingering feelings.

I can never be friends with an ex, for the foreseeable future.
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RuaidhríRyan
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
Recently, broke up with boyfriend as we feel we're not ready yet and have different priorities. Is it weird to become close friends after?
The first thing is, are you sure the breakup was mutually consentual. I don't like implying but it is often the case (though not always) that a 'mutual' breakup is actually more the woman's decision than the mans. Often a man will agree to it because he thinks he has no choice. Men are expected to be strong and not demonstrate emotional needyness or weakness and as a result they can appear to be okay with being 'just friends' when they are actually more upset than they're showing. A man might still feel a need to be close to his recent ex but knows friendship is all that's on the table. This may not be the case with both of you but you should be sure. And often, one person takes longer to get over a relationship than the other does. Can he handle seeing you with someone else? It's in a man's nature to be jealous at even the idea of someone else being with a woman who used to be 'his girl'. I've remained friends with two exes. But it worked only after I had a lot of time (years in one case) to refind myself away from them and then refriend them. And even now, we don't meet often and aren't as close as we once were. The unfortunate truth is usually that it doesn't work out at all, because most people are never going to be okay with seeing an ex with someone else while they've been friendzoned. It just brings up old wounds and hurt. But there are exceptions. If the relationship was never serious to begin with, then it should be relatively easy to return to friendship. Otherwise it might be possible if you guve each other space and remain somewhat distant friends for a period until you both have time to reinvent and move on, and then reacquaint with each other as independant confident people who can have comfortable chat with each other. It's hard to say for sure as I don't know either of you. I'm just spitballing my two cents worth based on my personal experience as well as what I've observed of other people. So my answer is a generalisation. But you also need to consider how a new boyfriend would feel about you being friends with an ex. Most guys wouldn't be cool with that unfortunately. At the end of the day though, you know your ex better than anyone here. But you need to be sure of how he feels on everything and how a new boyfriend would feel and how you'll feel if he finds someone before you. It's a lot to consider.
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RolySwansea
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#23
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#23
If you're NOT friends, you should ask yourself "what did you have"? and "what were you both looking for"? - but gently, 'cos really 5h1t just happens or it wasn't your time, this time.

A break-up can make you feel like you failed and you are unworthy of love.
That position is psychologically untenable and self-protection causes you to project those feelings onto the other as blame.
Anger seems easier to live with than grief.

Resist the Dark Side and embrace the positives.
As inevitable hurt subsides, the real bits of what you had still stand. Don't sweat it but if your former partner realises that too, - let them, because it will help what is important going forward: your capacity for open honest communication and self belief
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ashleyyysmells
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#24
Report 6 days ago
#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
Recently, broke up with boyfriend as we feel we're not ready yet and have different priorities. Is it weird to become close friends after?
me and my ex are still best friends and it isnt weird @ all bc it feels like we are still together and its notthe best feeling but if you still like them talking from experiance it hurts you.
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Anonymous #6
#25
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#25
Yes it’s weird
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Anonymous #7
#26
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#26
I don’t just think it’s weird, I think it’s pretty detrimental - especially if one or both parties still has feelings.

I’m friends with none of my exes. We broke up, I cut them off, and I haven’t spoken to them since.

If I’m going to be honest with myself, there’s only one that I wish I were still in contact with, but that’s another story, and they aren’t exactly an ex.

However, I have a friend who opened up to me about one of his past relationships: an ex he was with for 4 years and who he has still remained friends with to this day.

I can tell he still likes her, and I can also tell he badly wants them to try again.

He claims it’s “purely platonic”, but his circumstances mirror mine, albeit I’m the dumper and he’s the dumpee.

It’s plain to see that the history they had, the time they shared, and the result of the break have had a serious effect on him, just how my break up did too, and still does.

My point being: It’s best to cut ties, think about yourself, heal, and move on.
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