I need some jokes so bad theyre good Watch

macaronii
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#1
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#1
I have a new friend who currently only speaks to me in bad awful puns and jokes (so bad theyre good kind of thing)
i see them again on Monday so any bad puns nd jokes you got throw them my way
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Baza2002
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#2
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#2
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
Wooden (wouldn't) it be good if we could put an end to deforestation.
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04MR17
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#3
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#3
In Dubai they don't like the flintstones.
But Abu-Dhabi dooooooo
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4D Chess
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#4
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#4
Don't you just hate it when people bump thread on tsr? They might hurt them
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simon23says
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#5
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#5
Watch the Eric Andre Show
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UWS
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#6
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#6
I was going to tell a time travelling joke but you didn't like it.
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Mikos
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#7
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#7
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
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Alesha1991
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#8
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#8
What's the difference between a hippo & a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy & a Zippo is a little lighter.

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything
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username3917068
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#9
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#9
Saved this thread, thank you OP for making this - can't wait to read the replies.
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3pointonefour
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#10
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#10
Did you hear about the guy who had the entire left side of his body cut off?

Spoiler:
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.... He's alright now
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Glen Broadhurst
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#11
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#11
Usually I have 2 eggs for breakfast, but sometimes just one is un ouef
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tcg24
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#12
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#12
What do you call a Mexican who had his car stolen?

Carlos
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randonposter7484
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#13
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#13
wanna hear a pizza joke? never mind,it's too cheesy
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Retired_Messiah
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#14
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#14
Story time™:

A man is attending another man's funeral. He goes to the venue and sits down next to the dead man's grieving widow. At one point in the service, he asks the widow "do you mind if I say a few words?", and she tells him to go ahead. He stands, clears his throat, and says "Plethora." before sitting back down.

"Thank you" the widow says to him. "That means a lot."

Spoiler:
Show

kill me
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Fullofsurprises
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#15
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Which is the most self-regarding of the cheeses?

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Halloumi
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Realistic2391
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Retired_Messiah)
Story time™:

A man is attending another man's funeral. He goes to the venue and sits down next to the dead man's grieving widow. At one point in the service, he asks the widow "do you mind if I say a few words?", and she tells him to go ahead. He stands, clears his throat, and says "Plethora." before sitting back down.

"Thank you" the widow says to him. "That means a lot."

Spoiler:
Show

kill me
You win
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Marfyy2
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#17
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#17
1) Person 1: I've been in the far east recently searching for gold.
Person 2: Oh, Japan?
Person 1: Nah mate, I use much more technologically advanced techniques than that!

2) What did the octogenarian pirate say? Aye Matey!

3) What is Celine Dion's favourite type of co-ordination? Hand-eyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Got loads more from a colleague who sends out the joke of the day on the all staff email but can't think of them off the top of my head, if I remember I'll come back tomorrow
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MontyZuma
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#18
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#18
I watched a horror film about yoghurts the other day. It was called Paranormal Activia.

What do you call the wife of a hippy? Mississippi.

[In German, "Kamin" means "fireplace"] What do you say when the fireplace knocks at the door? "Kamin".
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CloudySkies238
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#19
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#19
Person 1: Knock Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Britney Spears
Person 2: Britney Spears who?
Person 1: Knock Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Oops I did it again.
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Retired_Messiah
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#20
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#20
Imma do another overlong one.

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area. Eventually, Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten all the time."As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted!" And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark.

Kristian was horrified and so immediately swam away as he was scared of being eaten by his old friend. As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached. It took a while, but eventually Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought it'd be better if he could go back to his old life so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more. With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristian's home.

As he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "Kristian, it's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again. Kristian replied, "No way! You're a shark now and you'll just eat me. I'm not being tricked into being your dinner."

Justin shouted back "No, I'm not a shark any more. That was the old me. I've changed. I found Cod, I'm a prawn again Kristian!"
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