Gay flatmate makes me feel VERY uncomfortable! What to do? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
First things first: I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay!

I started university last month and live with five other guys. One of them told us he's gay on the first day of freshers.

I was fine with it at first. He's a nice person and not stereotypically gay (if he hadn't said it I probably wouldn't of known). Me and him spend time together, cooking, watching netflix, going out, etc (just flatmate activities really). But I've been increasingly uncomfortable with his sexuality!! Which I KNOW is bad, it makes me a CRAP friend/flatmate. Because there's no signs he likes me or anything so there's no reason for me to feel uncomfortable!

Yet when we are together I can't stop thinking about his sexuality. We were having a movie night last friday and I kept thinking about how he might come two feet closer and kiss me, which is weird because he wouldn't. He knows i'm straight! He also told me about a guy he shagged during freshers (not in a detailed way, he just needed some advice) but I couldn't help him because the thought of him and another dude in bed made me feel so grossed out!

Now I've noticed I've started avoiding him cos I feel so uncomfortable when he is around... And I normally don't feel this way around gay people, but then again I've never been this close to one before so maybe that makes a difference. So please help me!! How can I be more comfortable around him?
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cciaran
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I’m sorry, but that’s literal homophobia and the fact that you even had to post anonomously highlights that you know your thoughts are wrong.
As a gay male, it’s also hilarious when other boys think I’m automatically attracted to them because I’m gay. That’s not how it works. Are you attracted to every girl you see or talk to?
Even if he is, try take it as a compliment.

Also, you don’t have to be his best friend, but he is your flatmate and you need to get along. Nothing he is doing is wrong, and, no offence, every problem you have is your own and only you can work on it.

Try hanging out again, focus on his other qualities as a friend rather than just his sexuality. You seem like you could be good friends if you work on a few simple things.

Good luck!!
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Blood_Orange
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Just keep hanging out with him and you'll just get used to it I think. You know that just because he's gay doesn't mean he likes you, just like how you could hang out with a girl and feel platonic. He's just a guy despite his sexuality, you gotta teach yourself that so you stop feelin weird.
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Anonymous #2
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Well, do you feel uncomfortable because he might fancy you, or because you might fancy him?
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username1221160
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You obsess about his sexuality and him kissing you?

I've seen this so many times.

You're just a repressed homosexual. You'll be out of the closet in a couple of years.
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Anonymous #3
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1) you’re either VERY homophobic, or are actually gay/bi and uncomfortable because you actually like the idea of kissing him but have never thought about guys that way before.

2) you clearly think incredibly highly of yourself if you think he’s attracted to you.
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Anonymous #4
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maybe you could tell him that you're uncomfortable? he might understand and then be able to explain to you that he's definitely not into you, or help you understand why you think that he's going to make a move on you - and then make sure you don't feel uncomfortable anymore?
also, i don't think this is homohabia. i'm gay myself, but the fact that you told us you were fine with it at first, and don't know why you feel like this, means it's likely just internalized homophbia because of society in general telling you that something is wrong with him.

(i'm only anonymous because i don't want people to know i'm gay yet)
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username4094562
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Maybe you are uncomfortable around him because you are secretly attracted to him.
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Heyok
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BOIIIII, you probably like him.
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Reue
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(Original post by Anonymous)
How can I be more comfortable around him?
Get over it
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
First things first: I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay!

I started university last month and live with five other guys. One of them told us he's gay on the first day of freshers.

I was fine with it at first. He's a nice person and not stereotypically gay (if he hadn't said it I probably wouldn't of known). Me and him spend time together, cooking, watching netflix, going out, etc (just flatmate activities really). But I've been increasingly uncomfortable with his sexuality!! Which I KNOW is bad, it makes me a CRAP friend/flatmate. Because there's no signs he likes me or anything so there's no reason for me to feel uncomfortable!

Yet when we are together I can't stop thinking about his sexuality. We were having a movie night last friday and I kept thinking about how he might come two feet closer and kiss me, which is weird because he wouldn't. He knows i'm straight! He also told me about a guy he shagged during freshers (not in a detailed way, he just needed some advice) but I couldn't help him because the thought of him and another dude in bed made me feel so grossed out!

Now I've noticed I've started avoiding him cos I feel so uncomfortable when he is around... And I normally don't feel this way around gay people, but then again I've never been this close to one before so maybe that makes a difference. So please help me!! How can I be more comfortable around him?
Homophobe... Do you feel so uncomfortable around girls you aren't attracted to, as well? Because they might fancy you?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by cciaran)
I’m sorry, but that’s literal homophobia and the fact that you even had to post anonomously highlights that you know your thoughts are wrong.
As a gay male, it’s also hilarious when other boys think I’m automatically attracted to them because I’m gay. That’s not how it works. Are you attracted to every girl you see or talk to?
Even if he is, try take it as a compliment.

Also, you don’t have to be his best friend, but he is your flatmate and you need to get along. Nothing he is doing is wrong, and, no offence, every problem you have is your own and only you can work on it.

Try hanging out again, focus on his other qualities as a friend rather than just his sexuality. You seem like you could be good friends if you work on a few simple things.

Good luck!!

(Original post by Ciel.)
Homophobe... Do you feel so uncomfortable around girls you aren't attracted to, as well? Because they might fancy you?
(Original post by Blood_Orange)
Just keep hanging out with him and you'll just get used to it I think. You know that just because he's gay doesn't mean he likes you, just like how you could hang out with a girl and feel platonic. He's just a guy despite his sexuality, you gotta teach yourself that so you stop feelin weird.
No, the point is: I know he's most likely not into me! And I know that there's nothing wrong with being gay! So rationally all this makes NO sense, which is why I don't get where the uncomfortable feelings come from. I just want us to be friends, because I really do like him as a person. But I'll try to be normal around him, thanks!

(Original post by Anonymous)
Well, do you feel uncomfortable because he might fancy you, or because you might fancy him?
(Original post by Sulfolobus)
You obsess about his sexuality and him kissing you?

I've seen this so many times.

You're just a repressed homosexual. You'll be out of the closet in a couple of years.
(Original post by Anonymous)
1) you’re either VERY homophobic, or are actually gay/bi and uncomfortable because you actually like the idea of kissing him but have never thought about guys that way before.

2) you clearly think incredibly highly of yourself if you think he’s attracted to you.
(Original post by Constantine2018)
Maybe you are uncomfortable around him because you are secretly attracted to him.
(Original post by Heyok)
BOIIIII, you probably like him.
??? I'm straight, don't like dudes ???

(Original post by Anonymous)
maybe you could tell him that you're uncomfortable? he might understand and then be able to explain to you that he's definitely not into you, or help you understand why you think that he's going to make a move on you - and then make sure you don't feel uncomfortable anymore?
also, i don't think this is homohabia. i'm gay myself, but the fact that you told us you were fine with it at first, and don't know why you feel like this, means it's likely just internalized homophbia because of society in general telling you that something is wrong with him.

(i'm only anonymous because i don't want people to know i'm gay yet)
Thanks for your reply! I think he might be angry or disappointed if I tell him I'm uncomfortable though. How do I break it to him nicely?
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xylas
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(Original post by cciaran)
As a gay male, it’s also hilarious when other boys think I’m automatically attracted to them because I’m gay. That’s not how it works. Are you attracted to every girl you see or talk to?
Even if he is, try take it as a compliment.
Yeah but when you're living with someone, cooking with them, watching movies together etc there is a possibility someone might do something. As a guy, when I've lived with girl flatmates I've never got too close proximity wise as either I'm in a relationship or they are and I don't wanna risk it.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No, the point is: I know he's most likely not into me! And I know that there's nothing wrong with being gay! So rationally all this makes NO sense, which is why I don't get where the uncomfortable feelings come from. I just want us to be friends, because I really do like him as a person. But I'll try to be normal around him, thanks!











??? I'm straight, don't like dudes ???



Thanks for your reply! I think he might be angry or disappointed if I tell him I'm uncomfortable though. How do I break it to him nicely?
No, DON'T listen to that person. Don't tell him that being around him makes you uncomfortable. Seriously. Literally the worst thing you could do. I would be SO insulted if a straight guy ever said that to me. Just try to... get used to him I guess.
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Anonymous #2
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Consider this:

a) You were not uncomfortable around him at first, this feeling arose after spending more time with him (= getting to know him better = seeing what a lovely person he is)

b) You think of him kissing you (when you do this, what's it like? Vivid mental imagery?)

c) You don't have a problem with gay people, yet this particular one makes you feel uncomfortable, even though you know he shouldn't

Are you absolutely sure you're 100% straight?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Consider this:

a) You were not uncomfortable around him at first, this feeling arose after spending more time with him (= getting to know him better = seeing what a lovely person he is)

b) You think of him kissing you (when you do this, what's it like? Vivid mental imagery?)

c) You don't have a problem with gay people, yet this particular one makes you feel uncomfortable, even though you know he shouldn't

Are you absolutely sure you're 100% straight?
Yes I'm positive. I've never felt attracted to another male. I think he makes me feel uncomfortable cos we're sorta close, and I've never been close with another gay person before. I literally thought of him kissing me ONCE and I didn't even actually picture the kiss! Just imagined him scooting closer, leaning in, closing his eyes and then I snapped out of it because it was GROSS. Not because it's gay but because I don't like him!!
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SpringPug
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(Original post by cciaran)
I’m sorry, but that’s literal homophobia and the fact that you even had to post anonomously highlights that you know your thoughts are wrong.
As a gay male, it’s also hilarious when other boys think I’m automatically attracted to them because I’m gay. That’s not how it works. Are you attracted to every girl you see or talk to?
Even if he is, try take it as a compliment.

Also, you don’t have to be his best friend, but he is your flatmate and you need to get along. Nothing he is doing is wrong, and, no offence, every problem you have is your own and only you can work on it.

Try hanging out again, focus on his other qualities as a friend rather than just his sexuality. You seem like you could be good friends if you work on a few simple things.

Good luck!!
Don't know if you meant to come across that way but this was a bit aggressive. Him posting this anonymously is his decision and you shouldn't attack him for it - nor should you straight up say he's homophobic. The fact that he made this post shows that he cares about wanting to do the right thing so you should respect that. Being petty about it is just going to make people think twice about getting advice like this so you're probably going to have the opposite effect that you're going for.


As for the OP, I can understand completely as to why you may feel a little uncomfortable but all you need to realize is that he's just like any other guy - he just happens to be gay. Think about the girls you know, you might do activities together as you do with your flatmate but that doesn't mean you like each other, you can just be friends! After a bit of time, you'll start to see that it's really not anything different from living with someone who's straight.
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Dunnig Kruger
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B.. r ..o.. a.. d.. e.. n ..... y.. o.. u.. r...... m.. i.. n.. d!
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cciaran
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(Original post by SpringPug)
Don't know if you meant to come across that way but this was a bit aggressive. Him posting this anonymously is his decision and you shouldn't attack him for it - nor should you straight up say he's homophobic. The fact that he made this post shows that he cares about wanting to do the right thing so you should respect that. Being petty about it is just going to make people think twice about getting advice like this so you're probably going to have the opposite effect that you're going for.


As for the OP, I can understand completely as to why you may feel a little uncomfortable but all you need to realize is that he's just like any other guy - he just happens to be gay. Think about the girls you know, you might do activities together as you do with your flatmate but that doesn't mean you like each other, you can just be friends! After a bit of time, you'll start to see that it's really not anything different from living with someone who's straight.
I’m sorry if came across as aggressive but I don’t think it’s acceptabke to beat around the bush and say OP’s behaviour is ok. I appreciate he understands his thoughts are wrong and it’s great that he’s trying to fix it. I was just giving my opinion.

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SpringPug
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(Original post by cciaran)
I’m sorry if came across as aggressive but I don’t think it’s acceptabke to beat around the bush and say OP’s behaviour is ok. I appreciate he understands his thoughts are wrong and it’s great that he’s trying to fix it. I was just giving my opinion.

I understand you probably didn't mean to come off aggressive but to be fair, saying his behaviour is wrong doesn't make sense. He hasn't actually said or done anything to this person, he just feels a little uncomfortable. It's impossible to control our feelings, however, it is possible to control what we do with them - which the OP has done since - as I said - he hasn't actually said or done anything to his flatmate.

He has done the right thing by seeking advice, which is a lot more than most people do - which I'm sure you're aware of
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