Gay flatmate makes me feel VERY uncomfortable! What to do?

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Do you like him in a special way?

Seriously just because he's gay doesn't mean he'll fancy every guy he meets, and normally gay guys make the best friends to go out on the town with (from a girls point of view anyhow).

Reply 21

username4169146

Original post by SpringPug

It's impossible to control our feelings

not true, when the way of thinking is changed or rather broadened then you see a change in the way someone feels. they need to know they are thinking in a small-minded way and need to find ways to empathise. once upon a time people would have said they didn't want to sit next to a black person on a bus or live next to them as they felt threatened/disgusted etc. I guess it was just impossible for them to control their feelings?

Reply 22

El Salvador

Original post by Anonymous

I can't stop thinking about his sexuality

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Reply 23

Anonymous #1

Original post by Peonyy

I do like going out on the town with him, he's a great dancer and real funny when drunk. Plus he won't be looking for random girls to shag :wink:

Original post by The Champion.m4a

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This is quite funny but no, I don't like him like that. I'm straight!

@ the others
I know this seems homophobic and I feel so bad about my behaviour! Which is why I'm trying to change it! I do think we should be able to change our feelings via our thoughts so that's what I'm trying to do.

Reply 24

WaffleApple

Original post by Anonymous

First things first: I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay!

I started university last month and live with five other guys. One of them told us he's gay on the first day of freshers.

I was fine with it at first. He's a nice person and not stereotypically gay (if he hadn't said it I probably wouldn't of known). Me and him spend time together, cooking, watching netflix, going out, etc (just flatmate activities really). But I've been increasingly uncomfortable with his sexuality!! Which I KNOW is bad, it makes me a CRAP friend/flatmate. Because there's no signs he likes me or anything so there's no reason for me to feel uncomfortable!

Yet when we are together I can't stop thinking about his sexuality. We were having a movie night last friday and I kept thinking about how he might come two feet closer and kiss me, which is weird because he wouldn't. He knows i'm straight! He also told me about a guy he shagged during freshers (not in a detailed way, he just needed some advice) but I couldn't help him because the thought of him and another dude in bed made me feel so grossed out!

Now I've noticed I've started avoiding him cos I feel so uncomfortable when he is around... And I normally don't feel this way around gay people, but then again I've never been this close to one before so maybe that makes a difference. So please help me!! How can I be more comfortable around him?

Does it really matter if the guy attempted to kiss you anyway? You just simply reject it, launch the dude across the room and set some clear boundaries.

Its not like you are gonna melt if this guy did attempt to come onto you.

Reply 25

Anonymous #1

Original post by WaffleApple

If he were a girl I wouldn't mind kissing him. But since he's a guy (and my flatmate) I'll have to reject him. That's not a problem in itself but it will make things SO awkward between us!

Reply 26

Foggel

Original post by Anonymous

Bro, not every gay guy wants to **** you lool, I have a lot of gay friends and I honestly never feel uncomfortable around them at all, unless they do start making advances , then I would just punch them in the throat .

Reply 27

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

If he were a girl I wouldn't mind kissing him. But since he's a guy (and my flatmate) I'll have to reject him. That's not a problem in itself but it will make things SO awkward between us!

"If he were a girl I wouldn't mind kissing him" lol

But seriously, since he knows you're straight it's unlikely he'll do anything, unless you're giving off signals you might like him (which I presume you aren't; but maybe you should). Also, it'll only make things awkward between yous if you want it to be awkward - if you handle the rejection in a mature way it'll be fine.

Reply 28

Anonymous #1

Ok so I was trying to follow your advice to just get over it. So I asked him (on snapchat) to hang out sometime. He replied suggesting we could go for pizza then cinema tomorrow. Which sounds good to me but it also sounds alot like a date! He knows I'm straight so it's probably not but the idea of going makes me feel nervous. Should I say no?

Reply 29

AperfectBalance

I think if a guy was talking a bit about how he had sex with a woman to other women in the flat they might feel a bit uncomfortable, I don't blame you.

Just leave him be and hope he leaves you be, or just tell him you dont want to hear about his sex life

That’s cos u gay too

Sad how abusive and insulting some of the replies are on this thread when OP is aware of what he is doing wrong and is simply looking for help. Yet another example of PC extremism I guess.

Reply 32

Bang Outta Order

Original post by Anonymous

You have every right to feel uncomfortable if you think he's crossing boundaries the same way a straight woman might feel uncomfortable around a male housemate. This is why people don't like to have unisex flats, because of the troubling thought or sexually crossing borders. But suddenly it's "wrong" when gays are involved. If you think someone gay or straight is coming onto you then you should discuss it or look for a new place.

Reply 33

Andrew97

Entertainment Forum Helper, Debate & Current Affairs Helper

Not wanting to hear about other people’s sex lives does not make you a bad person.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 34

Tiger Rag

It only sounds like a date because that's what you think it is.

Reply 35

Anonymous #1

I said yes. We're going out later today. I feel so nervous but don't know why. If he tries anything (which he probably won't) I can just reject it, it's not like I haven't done that before with girls. Thanks everyone for the advice!

Reply 36

SpringPug

Original post by snugglebear

Whether a person's feelings can change throughout their life (which of course they can) or not, that does not disprove that a person's initial feelings towards a subject are uncontrollable. Once upon a time, people were raised to believe that a black life mattered less than that of someone who was white. While it was completely wrong that people had this view, it would have been very difficult for people to just drop their views after having been taught to feel that way for many years of their life by their parents/guardians. As such, their initial feelings towards the matter would have been almost inevitable, however, this is not to say their views cannot change in the future.

The instance is the same here. His first thoughts do not mean that they cannot change - which he is obviously trying to do by asking for help. It's not his fault for feeling a little uncomfortable under a new situation and we should respect that he is seeking advice, which is a lot more than most people do.