Implications on having a baby? Help.

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Anonymous #1
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#1
So I’m in a pickle. I really want a baby.

I quick overview about what’s going on in my life - so I’m 16, not going to lie. I’m in a happy, healthy relationship with someone I’ve know for a couple years however, he’s a lot older than me. I have social service intervention and with them only just knowing about me and my boyfriend, they don’t agree with the situation and they’re labelling him a “risk to children” - just because I’m under 18. (Which by the way, I understand why people are concerned and worried🙄). We both want a baby and have thought thoroughly about what we would have to provide for the baby and ourselves obviously, money etc.

I’m just curious as to what people know about these sort of situations and what the social services can do? The implications on my life and my partners life.. even the babies life?.. I need advice and need someone to talk to. Thank you x
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Anonymous #2
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It depends on the reason why social services have a problem with your partner. If there will be immediate risk to your child and you are still living with him, they may act.
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Rhubarb_cucmber
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It depends on the reason why social services have a problem with your partner. If there will be immediate risk to your child and you are still living with him, they may act.
Well the reason they’re involved is because there is a 30 year age gap between us which I can understand why people have their views on the relationship and if it was a domestic or abusive relationship in any way, shape or form, than I’d understand the concern but I’m genuinely happy and feel safe and comfortable around him when I’m in public and alone with him.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Rhubarb_cucmber)
Well the reason they’re involved is because there is a 30 year age gap between us which I can understand why people have their views on the relationship and if it was a domestic or abusive relationship in any way, shape or form, than I’d understand the concern but I’m genuinely happy and feel safe and comfortable around him when I’m in public and alone with him.
I can see where the concern is coming from, especially as you have known him a good few years before 16. Only you can comment on what kind of relationship the two of you have.

However, don't rush things. Considering having a baby so early on is a huge decision. Think about your own dreams and aspirations - do you have career goals or plan to travel? Do you have the financial stability to look after a child? There is no harm in taking things slowly...if you feel that he is the one, why not wait later on to have children?
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Rhubarb_cucmber
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can see where the concern is coming from, especially as you have known him a good few years before 16. Only you can comment on what kind of relationship the two of you have.

However, don't rush things. Considering having a baby so early on is a huge decision. Think about your own dreams and aspirations - do you have career goals or plan to travel? Do you have the financial stability to look after a child? There is no harm in taking things slowly...if you feel that he is the one, why not wait later on to have children?
Sure, I respect that. It’s a very big decision and to be honest, we weren’t planning on having a baby until I was at least 25 so that I would be able to carry on with my studies with college and university etc but then everything changed and this is where me and him had a big talk about it on several occasions. He’s got a really good job which pays decent and myself, well.. I’m doing my level best to get a job or apprenticeship or something.

I have inspirations and things I want to do which is go to gigs, spend time with friends etc and I know having a baby can stop some of these things but I’m not that bothered. I have family and my partner’s family that will help us with time and especially when the baby is born. Me and him are planning to travel, quite a lot in fact because it’s something we both have wanted to do since we met and we said we’d take the baby with us no problem. As the child is growing up, they will pick things up and learn on their journeys which is a bonus.

We could wait until later on but the earlier the better. I’ve grown up with 2 younger siblings and I wouldn’t say my mum is the best but I love her. Anyway, I have a lot of knowledge on babies and how to bring them up. I’ve basically brought my little brother up, he’s 3 in January and he’s my little sunshine, you know.

I’m seriously thinking about it. x
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Elektra06
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Okay provided this isn't a troll post.

Definitely think about getting anything you want to do like college and university sorted first. There's always plenty of time to have a baby.

Social services can and may well take your baby away if you have one together.
I know you two are happy together but because of age you may not be able to stop that.

I would leave it a few years, get everything sorted and in order and try when you're older and won't possibly lose your child
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Rhubarb_cucmber
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(Original post by Elektra06)
Okay provided this isn't a troll post.

Definitely think about getting anything you want to do like college and university sorted first. There's always plenty of time to have a baby.

Social services can and may well take your baby away if you have one together.
I know you two are happy together but because of age you may not be able to stop that.

I would leave it a few years, get everything sorted and in order and try when you're older and won't possibly lose your child
I’m studying business at a level 3 qualification and have until next summer to finish it in which I could be heavily pregnant but I’ll have finished that course. As I have a “baby” to look after, my partner would be helping financially while I’m off work etc. I’m not 100% on university but I can always go there when the “baby” is old enough for me to leave with reliable people (family, friends etc).

Thank you though 😊
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Elektra06
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That's good you're prepared just please consider the social services though, they may well take your baby off you it've seen it happen many times before
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Spirithorse
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You could visit some website to find out more information for yourself. Here are some that are recommended:

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/

Relate are a charity that give advice to support relationships and could be useful in your situation:

https://www.relate.org.uk/
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doodle_333
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Honestly you should wait. Aside from the risk of social services taking your baby away from you... You will have literally nothing if you have a baby now. No career prospects. No friends (have seen it happen with young mums). No money. No freedom. You can't easily travel with a baby. Looking after your brother is very different to sole responsibility for your own baby. Just Wait, a few years. Go to uni. Live a little. If you guys are together when you're 21 and graduate people won't question you so much too so they may even support you more.
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mariasanchez1234
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I'm sorry but I won't be as friendly as every other person that replied to you. You are 16 years old and are in a relationship with a man 30 years older than you. At 16 you are not fully formed and developed, the person who you are now is not the person you are going to be at 18, 19, 20. I am 21 now and have been through that myself, once I started university I changed a lot and every year I became more and more different than I was when I was a teenager. You will grow and things you like now won't appeal to you in a couple of years. You may find this man attractive now but considering the age gap and how young you are, you may find him disgusting in a couple of years when he is older and you are still just a girl. Do not jump into something as big as having a baby, a child with that man is forever and you are still too young to make a decision like this. Where are your parents in this? And if you have child services involved that is a sign that they find something in your life wrong and may even want to take the baby away from you. Educate yourself, grow up, develop into a woman and then see if you still love that man and if you still want to have a baby with him.
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DarthRoar
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(Original post by Rhubarb_cucmber)
Well the reason they’re involved is because there is a 30 year age gap between us which I can understand why people have their views on the relationship and if it was a domestic or abusive relationship in any way, shape or form, than I’d understand the concern but I’m genuinely happy and feel safe and comfortable around him when I’m in public and alone with him.
No offense, but you're 16. You know jack **** about what is or isn't an abusive relationship. A 46 year-old with a 16 year-old is absolutely, unequivocally manipulative and god knows what else.
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Bookaddict02
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(Original post by Rhubarb_cucmber)
Well the reason they’re involved is because there is a 30 year age gap between us which I can understand why people have their views on the relationship and if it was a domestic or abusive relationship in any way, shape or form, than I’d understand the concern but I’m genuinely happy and feel safe and comfortable around him when I’m in public and alone with him.
say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
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Rhubarb_cucmber
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(Original post by 69bigdong69)
wakanda foreva
Are you on drugs? 😂comment on a post that’s more relative you complete idiot.
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Anonymous #3
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I hope you're a troll.

If you're a real person, I feel incredibly sorry for you and I hope you manage to get free of this absurd 'relationship' very soon.
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Anonymous #4
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Oh dear god, I hope this is a troll post.
If it isn't, then here's some advice. Having a baby now, would hurt you and your baby's life. Firstly, looking after your younger siblings does not in any way qualify you to be a mother, it's probably the hardest years of a woman's life when they first become a mother. Are you really ready for that? You've only just done GCSEs! Surely you want some more life experience, travel the world a bit, meet new friends, go to university, go clubbing, marriage etc? Having a child now will tie you down for the next 18 years at least. You won't be able to really connect with people your age because you'll have a baby to look after, which will alienate you because I doubt anyone your age will be able to understand you having a baby so young and you also won't have the time to have a proper social life. You won't be able to really do further education unless its part- time, and you won't be able to do an internship/apprenticeship. So, in 10 years time when you want to get a job, you'll be stuck as a waitress or cashier to start your job career. Even travelling with a baby you'll be tied down and with only your partner's salary will it be enough to live that lifestyle?
Is this your first proper relationship? In 10 years time when he's getting older will he still be attractive? Will you not look at guys your age and have regret? What if he leaves you in 5/10 years time? You'll have to have part-time work, be on benefits possibly and move back in with your parents. Without your partner your life would completely fall apart, do you trust him that much?
Lastly, people already think its weird a 16 year old hooking up with a 46 year old and they're going to think its even stranger when you have a baby. Think about what your child's friends and their parents will think when they find out about that age gap.
Look at your life, it wouldn't be healthy at all
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