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Girlfriend and alcohol.

My girlfriend wants to start drinking, and has asked me to help her out. Before you jump to any conclusions I'll give you a bit of background information:

Her life has been ruined by alcohol, for more than 2 years whilst she was a kid she had to fend for herself whilst looking after her disabled little brother. This was because her mum was out getting drunk all day every day, she's witnessed brutal domestic violence and been subjected to things that no child should be, all because of alcoholism. In 2001 she was taken into care and seperated from her brother. She's pretty much been deprived of a normal family life and childhood.

Needless to say, because of this she's never wanted to drink any alcohol at all.

However now she's wanting to change this, she wants to be able to accept alcohol as part of normal life just like everyone else does, she feels that it would be a proverbial middle finger to her mum if she can learn to have alcohol in reasonable amounts just like any other person can. She hates being the odd one out at parties and she's often left out of her friends' plans because of the fact she doesn't drink.

She wants me to help her out with this as I'm 18 and she's not, the thing is, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or what the right thing to do is. She doesn't want to get so drunk that she doesn't know her own name, she's not interested in getting a huge effect from alcohol, she just wants to be able to have it.

Can someone offer some advice on what I should do?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

bump

Reply 2

immortal

10

Poor girl.

If she wants to drink, make sure she drinks things that taste like they have alcohol in - eg wine. That way she knows it's alcohol .

Erm...that's all I can advise really. Maybe start slow by taking her out for a meal with a drink?

Reply 3

toddlers crossword

12

I don't get what she wants you to do - buy booze for her cos you're 18? Look after her to make sure she doesn't drink too much? Do you know what she actually wants you to do? cos I dont, lol

Why would her friends leave her out because she doesn't drink? That's really harsh, and sounds like she should have a word.

But why doesn't she just try having a drink at a party or whatever, if she wants to? just have one drink and see how it goes.

Reply 4

randdom

20

Its tricky because she is underage. Your best bet is to probably start off with cooking her a meal and having a nice glass of wine with it. If you are sitting and watching tv offer her a beer or a glass of bailies. Bit by bit is the key slowly introducing her to it in a comfortable setting.

Reply 5

fizzerz

It sounds like she is kinda giving in to peer pressure, have you spoken to her about it all?
I would say let her drink or she might resent you for stopping her. Just because she wants to have a drink doesn't mean she is going to turn into her mum. Just make sure you keep an eye on her and I'm sure it'll all be fine.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

toddlers crossword

I don't get what she wants you to do - buy booze for her cos you're 18? Look after her to make sure she doesn't drink too much? Do you know what she actually wants you to do? cos I dont, lol

Why would her friends leave her out because she doesn't drink? That's really harsh, and sounds like she should have a word.

But why doesn't she just try having a drink at a party or whatever, if she wants to? just have one drink and see how it goes.

Pretty much all 3 ... she just said she wants me to help her .. and I don't have a clue what I'm meant to do

She doesn't want to do that .. she wants to try it and get the feeling when she's not around all of her peers because they'll all make a fuss over it.

Am I even doing the right thing here? I know that if it all goes wrong I'll get the blame for it.

Reply 7

britishseapower

14

This is a bit of a grey area, I can see where she is coming from and she shouldn't really have to not drink because of her family background but I can understand your concerns. My grandmother was an alcoholic but my mother is able to drink as any other normal person would. I think the best thing to do is let her drink (if she is adamant on doing it, you can't really stop her) but be there for her when she first starts to drink. People who are drunk for the first time can do stupid things which is why my dad always use to let me drink at a young age so he could supervise me and teach me how to handle drink. Needless to say, I have nevertheless gone on to do stupid things whilst drunk but I think that did help to an extent. Supervise her until she has experienced the first few times and then just leave her be. (not in a negligent sense, just to the extent that you're not mothering her.)

Reply 8

RosiePosiePuddingAndPie

12

I'd agree with other people - just have one or two smallish drinks in a calm, safe setting. Maybe watching a film on tv together with a lager, or have a meal/take away with a glass of wine, or sitting talking in the garden in the sun (obviously will have to wait for a sunny day!). Let her try all different sorts too, to develop a taste. Show her that you can have a drink or two without getting completely out your face (like her parents did) so that she sees that you can have a good relationship with alcohol :smile:

Reply 9

dobbs

17

Prepare for this thread being closed as you are asking for advice on how to give alcohol to an underage person, which is rather illegal.

I'm not saying I don't understand or agree, just pointing out that the thread will probably be closed, and for those of you saying "Yeah just get her something to drink and take it steady" are actually encouraging illegal activity. Not exactly murder I know, but still.

I say just tell her she doesn't have to drink until she's ready to....she shouldn't feel left out at parties and things, and I'm sure that most of the things about people thinking she's weird because she doesn't drink is actually all in her head. Most people couldn't care less whether other people drink or not :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

dobbs

Prepare for this thread being closed as you are asking for advice on how to give alcohol to an underage person, which is rather illegal.

I'm not saying I don't understand or agree, just pointing out that the thread will probably be closed, and for those of you saying "Yeah just get her something to drink and take it steady" are actually encouraging illegal activity. Not exactly murder I know, but still.

I say just tell her she doesn't have to drink until she's ready to....she shouldn't feel left out at parties and things, and I'm sure that most of the things about people thinking she's weird because she doesn't drink is actually all in her head. Most people couldn't care less whether other people drink or not :smile:

It's not illegal .....

Reply 11

Cj-Tj

15

All she wants is for you to be arround in case she gets rat-arsed or for whatever other reason wants you there!! Just hold her hand the first few times (not literally, but y'know.....)

Reply 12

britishseapower

14

dobbs

Prepare for this thread being closed as you are asking for advice on how to give alcohol to an underage person, which is rather illegal.

we all know it goes on, come on, this is booze britain, don't you ever watch bravo? :biggrin:

besides, he isn't specifically asking how to give alcohol to an underage person, he's asking whether or not he should, given the circumstances.

Reply 13

username156343

15

If shes gonna be drinking, make sure she has a meal with it or just beforehand. That way a small amount of alcohol wont affect her, but if she has too much alcohol she will be sick and wont drink again till at least the next weekend :wink:

Reply 14

The_Goose

18

It's not Illegal. You can drink from the age of 5 in the comfort of your own home, if someone gives you it. Provided they're not buying it for you

Reply 15

britishseapower

14

Rizzletastic

If shes gonna be drinking, make sure she has a meal with it or just beforehand. That way a small amount of alcohol wont affect her, but if she has too much alcohol she will be sick and wont drink again till at least the next weekend :wink:

I find a bottle of pop/water beside the bed is always useful when you wake up dehydrated during the night or in the morning. Also, if your hangover is that bad, your are throwing up in the morning, always try and get some food down you (preferably fast food or anything with sugar in) even if you don't feel like eating, as anything your liable to drink (and trust me you will be thirsty) is liable to come back out again, looking exactly the same as the way it went down except for milk but thats a different story :eek:

then there is hair of the dog....not that I have experience in these things, always consult a professional first :wink:

Reply 16

Crosseyed And Painless

13

dobbs

Prepare for this thread being closed as you are asking for advice on how to give alcohol to an underage person, which is rather illegal.

I'm not saying I don't understand or agree, just pointing out that the thread will probably be closed, and for those of you saying "Yeah just get her something to drink and take it steady" are actually encouraging illegal activity. Not exactly murder I know, but still.

If she's over 16 she can have some alcohols with a meal in pubs/restaurants, if she's over 5 she can have alcohol at home (with parental supervision).
The OP is asking for advice on how to handle a tricky social situation, not advice on how to give alcohol to someone underage - I'm sure he knows how to pour wine into a glass/open a tin of beer and hand it to someone.

Reply 17

dobbs

17

It's not illegal to talk about drugs and things like that, but whenever people do on TSR the mods jump on it and the warning points go flying and posts get deleted, so a thread which is about someone underage who is wanting to drink is a likely target too, I would expect.

Anyway, you're all missing a lot of points. The OP was talking about at parties his gf feels uncomfortable not drinking. I'm sure that if the police popped by and found a house full of 17 year olds drinking they'd all be like "Oh it's fine they are on private property and just having a glass of wine with a family meal". Yeah, sure.

Underage drinking is a very grey area, and whilst yes it's fine for underage people to drink a small amount of alcohol with their family, etc. it would be ill advised for an 18 year old guy to purchase alcohol for the consumption by his 17 year old girlfriend at a party. Simple as that really.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Of course it does. I'm not saying I didn't do it, of course I did! I'm just saying, be wary what you say :smile:

Reply 18

britishseapower

14

dobbs

Anyway, you're all missing a lot of points. The OP was talking about at parties his gf feels uncomfortable not drinking. I'm sure that if the police popped by and found a house full of 17 year olds drinking they'd all be like "Oh it's fine they are on private property and just having a glass of wine with a family meal". Yeah, sure.

To be fair mate, I don't think thats as much as a problem over here, I lived in America for 3 months last summer (drinking age 21) and whilst I turned 21 out there, I still had to watch my back when drinking as all my flatmates were under 21 and I would have lost my job and everything if caught, not to mention buying it for my 'underage' flatmates. Over here it's just a slap on the wrists if that, okay, if your acting anti-socially in public whilst drunk, you're liable to get more attention from the police but if they went into a private property; I doubt it would be as big a deal unless it was one of these myspace advertised parties where riots occur. Besides, how can they prove who purchased it.

Girlfriend and alcohol.

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