Very good set of GCSEs, 4 A*, 2 A and 4 B. My mental health went on a decline in high school as the environment I found to be toxic and completely unsupportive — had to teach myself all the content so feel content with what I’ve got.
Thing is, I’m kind of desensitised to all education now. Because I told myself so much that it would all be over, I’ve hit the ground HARD starting at a new, prestigious college after a summer of volunteering (with children with additional needs) and feeling valuable in my part time job. Finding the whole thing very demanding and pressurised. I’ve changed subjects twice already and feel thoroughly overwhelmed with the amount of content, praise and sanction system, and just being squished into the mould again. It is not that I’m lazy — I love hard graft, but just not like this.
I’m constantly in a state of panic (already) and feeling like everything is going over my head except one subject, English Lang, which I love. Beyond drained and don’t have enough hours in the week. As an introvert, I need my time to recharge like air to breathe, and I can’t see family or exercise or sit down for even one minute anymore.
Feel like the odd one out for feeling this way. My anxiousness is through the roof and every day is swimming against the tide. Know the options are stay studying or do an apprenticeship, but I fear the latter would close too many doors.
Bit of background: I suspect I’m high-functioning autistic, AND there’s family pressure too at the moment as my uncle is terminally ill and receiving palliative care.
What do I do? I just want to wake up and not have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I appreciate having a place in college, don’t get me wrong, but I just have a constant headache nowadays and don’t know what to do for the best.