The Student Room Group

Final year medic, struggling a bit with everything...

Hey, was wondering if I could get some support and guidance really!

I'm a grad medic, with finals coming up somewhere in the near future (few months - intentionally vague) Before I started medicine I felt confident, happy, sociable... for the most part that continued through until my first clinical exams, which I just found enormously tough and draining. Worked too hard, slept too little, and have very few social interests these days. My life at home is nice and I'm happy with my partner, but all too often my days and evenings are spent revising out of a combo of guilt and fear. I can't seem to take any time out for fear of falling behind. I did pass exams etc but it's always been very marginal. My friends at uni are very select and not the sort I'd want to talk to this stuff about. My best friends are scattered and I rarely see them these days :/

I know they say by now we should have learnt a way of learning, but I feel like I'm just coasting and with very little direction. I know I passed my exams to this point but I *know* I have not seen enough patients - I'm terrified about missing crucial things in examinations at finals tbh. Some of it is imposter syndrome I'm sure, but I do also genuinely feel inferior from years of being basically bottom decile.

Then on top of this, presumably from the exhaustion, I just feel massive anhedonia and lethargy 24/7 even in the small moments of respite I do take off. Getting up and going to sleep is a massive challenge. I can't remember the last time I felt awake, and if I'm like this in FY1/2 I'm terrified I'll just crack. I do enjoy medicine as a subject, and even doing it on the wards is good fun for me - always has been, but I don't know how to continue living my life with balance. Medical school has made me socially anxious; my partner started off with GAD and got treated during medical school and has improved massively, whereas I feel I'm now far worse. It's a weird situation!

I think fundamentally I know the way I am working is not sustainable - probably could get to finals but not in a healthy frame of mind. I'd be lying if I said there weren't days where I wondered why I'm alive, even though I have no intention of ever doing anything about it.

On that note it's obvious I need to see my GP, but I really don't feel I can take time out of studies with pressures at home and I'd feel like I'd fall even further behind. For me I need to see things through to graduation, but then it's FY1 and a whole new kettle of fish to deal with. I'm also worried about how to approach mental health side of things with both the uni, my GP, during years as a doctor. Who do I talk to or disclose to?

Sorry for the rambling; I hope it makes sense but I'm sat here at 9pm in the library with very little hope of feeling happy.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. I think you should speak to your GP. Presumably your uni/med school has a pastoral unit? They'd also be peoope to talk to.

You're not alone in feeling this way, and it's ok - but it's important to get help. I understand that it's difficult to feel like you can find time to go to appointments, but it will help you in the long run.

What I think is worth remembering is that regardless of decile, or by how much you feel you've passed by, you've still passed. You are doing really well, and a pass is enough. Well done for getting this far! It sucks to feel like you're not good enough, and it's not great to feel like others are doing better than you. But you are good enough, and 10% of your year are in that decile.

It's good that you've recognised that what you're doing is not sustainable. Maybe see what support services are available at your university, as well as the GP.

Keep on going! It's tough, but you'll get there.
As a second year grad student, I think you are absolutely amazing for making it to final year without failing. This means you are absolutely good enough and smart enough to both be in med school and to become a doctor. I have seen so many people (including myself) stress out and suffer even in our early years. My tutor told me recently that much of medicine is being okay with being good enough and being comfortable with feeling a bit uncomfortable most of the time. Try to trust yourself and the knowledge you have gathered over these years- it feels so wrong to believe in yourself when you suffer from imposter syndrome. But what have you got to lose? You feel crap right now when you are doubting your self anyway, you won't feel any worse if you start believing maybe you can do this?

For anxiety, as others have said, going to the GP may be your best bet. Maybe learn from your partner what worked for them and see if that would be helpful to you too? If there is anything that you find some enjoyment from then make some space for that even if you need to "sacrifice" study time. It'll most likely be worth it :smile:

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