Uni flatmates keep leaving me out. Watch

amelia114
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So I recently moved to university and I live with 9 other people in our flat and they are all quite close and they keep leaving me out of things. I haven’t been anti social at all and I’ve really tried to get to know them and be involved.

I have made other friends that I can hang out with during the day but at night it’s really lonely and I feel left out as they like to go to each other’s rooms and I can hear them in the room next to me but they never invite me and I feel awkward just knocking and inviting myself.

I’ve really tried to be sociable but whenever I walk into the room they’re in they go really quiet and distant and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

Any advice because it’s making me feel really lonely and isolated in the flat and I’ve got nearly a whole year of living with them.
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3121
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Best advice is to find one of them you like most and think it’d be easiet to get on with then use them to get in with the others
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KissTheSon
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(Original post by amelia114)
So I recently moved to university and I live with 9 other people in our flat and they are all quite close and they keep leaving me out of things. I haven’t been anti social at all and I’ve really tried to get to know them and be involved.

I have made other friends that I can hang out with during the day but at night it’s really lonely and I feel left out as they like to go to each other’s rooms and I can hear them in the room next to me but they never invite me and I feel awkward just knocking and inviting myself.

I’ve really tried to be sociable but whenever I walk into the room they’re in they go really quiet and distant and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

Any advice because it’s making me feel really lonely and isolated in the flat and I’ve got nearly a whole year of living with them.
Maybe you should not go out at night. Maybe you should instead of wanting to be invited, you should invite people into where you are at instead. To be honest, since they are keeping it a secret, it may be that what they are doing is shameful. For shameful is that which is done in secret.
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KissTheSon
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(Original post by 3121)
Best advice is to find one of them you like most and think it’d be easiet to get on with then use them to get in with the others
Wow, you're one of those people huh?
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3121
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(Original post by KissTheSon)
Wow, you're one of those people huh?
It’s gotten me far in life
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KissTheSon
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(Original post by 3121)
It’s gotten me far in life
Not as far as the people who have others walk up to them and through a normal conversation, become friends, and stay friends, and vice-versa.
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3121
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(Original post by KissTheSon)
Not as far as the people who have others walk up to them and through a normal conversation, become friends, and stay friends, and vice-versa.
It’s led me to that in many cases, if I see a group I like I target one person I think I’d like most and become friends with them then slowly join the group. If it doesn’t work out, then the group probably wasn’t for me… I’m not saying to use and dump them, I should’ve been clear and said make friends with them genuinely because that’s what I meant.
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KissTheSon
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(Original post by 3121)
It’s led me to that in many cases, if I see a group I like I target one person I think I’d like most and become friends with them then slowly join the group. If it doesn’t work out, then the group probably wasn’t for me… I’m not saying to use and dump them, I should’ve been clear and said make friends with them genuinely because that’s what I meant.
Or, you can view them as individuals who are sold separately. You should form the circle, no become a part of it.
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3121
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(Original post by KissTheSon)
Or, you can view them as individuals who are sold separately. You should form the circle, no become a part of it.
Time is too limited at uni for that stuff! This isn’t school. And of course they’re going to have their friendship circle of people they genuinely like where the effort is worth it. Most people wouldn’t list their flatmates as genuine friends, they’re just friends by proximity.
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KissTheSon
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(Original post by 3121)
Time is too limited at uni for that stuff! This isn’t school. And of course they’re going to have their friendship circle of people they genuinely like where the effort is worth it. Most people wouldn’t list their flatmates as genuine friends, they’re just friends by proximity.
No, you know when you like someone when you give out relatable experiences and are honest. Like this, "Yo, that girls is thicc asf!", friend replies "You like her?" you reply "Yos" then friend gives you hi five but it's from the side, which means you are a bro. You can also talk to them about common interests, like MMA, girls, sports, roasts, and picking on that one kid.
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Hundeschule
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How about suggesting to them to have an evening where you cook together or do society games! Or just do what 3121 suggests: approach one person and invite her for some mutual activity. I feel sorry for you though. Their behaviour is thoughtless and rude. Don’t let them ruin your time. If nothing works just ignore them and tell yourself you deserve better!
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frogglet
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there are thousands of people at your uni, and you are worried about these 9 particular people. join societies, and meet other people and don't expect to fit in with everyone.
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Plus7
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(Original post by amelia114)
So I recently moved to university and I live with 9 other people in our flat and they are all quite close and they keep leaving me out of things. I haven’t been anti social at all and I’ve really tried to get to know them and be involved.

I have made other friends that I can hang out with during the day but at night it’s really lonely and I feel left out as they like to go to each other’s rooms and I can hear them in the room next to me but they never invite me and I feel awkward just knocking and inviting myself.

I’ve really tried to be sociable but whenever I walk into the room they’re in they go really quiet and distant and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

Any advice because it’s making me feel really lonely and isolated in the flat and I’ve got nearly a whole year of living with them.
See, I feel lonely because I have no friends (whatever) but I actually prefer my flatmates to leave me out LOL. And OP, stop seeing yourself as flawed, that's my mistake too. You're not, you just don't fit into these guys lives. You could in the future though!
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That'sGreat
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(Original post by KissTheSon)
Or, you can view them as individuals who are sold separately. You should form the circle, no become a part of it.
What's your issue. It's quite common to meet other people through friends, so by making friends with one of them - everyone will feel more comfortable with including you.

And honestly, leave 3121 to it, there's nothing bad about making friends with someone who you want to make friends with.
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Plus7
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(Original post by That'sGreat)
What's your issue. It's quite common to meet other people through friends, so by making friends with one of them - everyone will feel more comfortable with including you.

And honestly, leave 3121 to it, there's nothing bad about making friends with someone who you want to make friends with.
I don't see the problem either! If you feel intimidated by some people (it happens) you go to the person least intimidating and then hopefully be at ease with the others. It's a good way to go about things, better than not being proactive (which I'm guilty of).
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Emmly
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(Original post by amelia114)
So I recently moved to university and I live with 9 other people in our flat and they are all quite close and they keep leaving me out of things. I haven’t been anti social at all and I’ve really tried to get to know them and be involved.

I have made other friends that I can hang out with during the day but at night it’s really lonely and I feel left out as they like to go to each other’s rooms and I can hear them in the room next to me but they never invite me and I feel awkward just knocking and inviting myself.

I’ve really tried to be sociable but whenever I walk into the room they’re in they go really quiet and distant and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

Any advice because it’s making me feel really lonely and isolated in the flat and I’ve got nearly a whole year of living with them.
Do you cook? I've heard people in my class, who've made friends with their roomates by doing boring chores together.
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by 3121)
It’s gotten me far in life
:noway: u social climbing opportunist

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HomelyFeistyHamster-small.gif
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Plus7
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(Original post by ltsmith)
you sure they're leaving you out?

maybe they think you're not interested so they don't bother.

i would just knock on the door ask join in. if the mood changes, then for some reason they don't like you. if you haven't done anything then f*ck those people, ain't got no time for people like that.
Urgh only someone with mega confidence would 'intrude' like that hahaha. But I agree they're probaby not even rejecting OP.
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Pendragons
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My flatmates do exactly the same, and it bothered me at first but now honestly I don't mind. We don't have anything in common, and I have a great group of friends outside the flat anyway. I found going out with my friends instead sort of helps to fade that feeling that your flatmates are leaving you out, because eventually you won't even want to be with them. I know loads of people go on about how they're getting on really well with their flatmates and they do everything together, but in the real world that won't be the case for everyone. Just be civil and friendly with them, and then invite over your actual friends, you'll have a better time with them than you would the flatmates anyway!
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Plus7
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(Original post by ltsmith)
i don't have mega confidence but i'd have no problem joining in. i mean it's not really intruding if you ask them, right?
I consider it that way just because they haven't told me about what's going on. I'd much rather wait for an invitation.
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