Is it okay to be friends with your mates ex? Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 5 months ago
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So my bf was with his ex for about 8 years and I’ve only heard his side of the story but the relationship sounded toxic/unhealthy. She didn’t like him spending time with his friends, she showed him little to no affection and rarely slept with him, resulting in him having really low self esteem and feeling unattractive, he couldn’t talk to her about any issues in the relationship because she would go off on one so there was little communication or discussion about problems, along other things.

He started dated me and it made him realise just how bad his previous relationship was because our relationship is so different.

When they broke up he gave her time to move out and his best friend decided to help her move. He also started spending more time with her (bf says she has few friends). He spent little time with my bf.

On Facebook we regularly see photos of them hanging out and tagging each other in stuff.

His friend basically lost his flat so my bf was happy for him to move into his flat, otherwise he would’ve been homeless. I spent a lot of time at the flat but his friend made little effort with me. He got a gf and she is good friends with my bfs ex, meaning the three of them spend a lot of time together.

His friend hasn’t supported him through the break up at all and said he was “unsure” about me in the beginning, despite knowing little about me. Whenever his gf came over to the flat id say hi and she would ignore me. They made no effort with us.

About a year down the line I decided to talk with the friend about it, I said I feel he has made little effort with my bf after the break up but has spent loads of time with his ex. He didn’t seem to think this was an issue and seemed to think bring such good friends with his best mates ex is no problem, despite the long term effects her treatment has had on him and his self esteem. He argued that the ex gf needed support so he supported her and enjoyed her company. I said I felt it was inappropriate. A typical example is my bf and the guy went away for the weekend and stayed in a hotel and on the last day my bf was leaving and his friend was staying because he was meeting up with the ex as they were going to an event together, so when my bf walked out the hotel he bumped into them in the street.

Personally I feel like she is just using the guy to stay relevant in my bfs life and prevent him fully moving on. I also think his friend is oblivious and ignorant of the way my bf feels and the way he is behaving. He seems to think being friends with his best mates ex is appropriate and he is doing nothing wrong.

What are your thoughts?

Tl;dr bfs best mate is friends with his ex gf but spends no time with my bf anymore, thinks friendship with ex is okay
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sinfonietta
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I think you're overthinking her motives and spinning them into something malicious unfairly.

It's not unreasonable to be friends with your friends ex - especially over the course of such a long relationship people do build genuine friendships with their partners friends. It's unfair to think that just because a relationship ends that any friendships formed through it must suddenly end too.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 5 months ago
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
I think you're overthinking her motives and spinning them into something malicious unfairly.

It's not unreasonable to be friends with your friends ex - especially over the course of such a long relationship people do build genuine friendships with their partners friends. It's unfair to think that just because a relationship ends that any friendships formed through it must suddenly end too.
Not saying the friendship should end at all, the issue is his lack of effort with my bf, immediately after the break up he helped her move and supported her, he did not support my bf or offer any emotional support.

i told him how depressed my bf is and he said he “had no idea”...
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S-man10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not saying the friendship should end at all, the issue is his lack of effort with my bf, immediately after the break up he helped her move and supported her, he did not support my bf or offer any emotional support.

i told him how depressed my bf is and he said he “had no idea”...
Its his flat. Ask him to throw them out.
Last edited by S-man10; 5 months ago
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 5 months ago
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(Original post by S-man10)
Its his flat. Ask him to throw them out.
Luckily we have moved out into our own place, he wasn’t a good flat mate either as he was really lazy and left a mess everywhere. However he also made no effort to come see our new place, we invited him to our flatwarming and he didn’t come and that was the last straw for my bf, as he finds plenty of time to hang out with his ex but not him.
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