Anonymous #1
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Is it possible? Assuming I get in for 2019 entry the baby would be a few months old when I start my first year? Is it feasible or would it be the case of taking a year out to apply/deferred entry? Would this be a good enough extenuating circumstance for an unplanned deferred entry? I'm the father btw and the mother and baby would likely be living in the same city as me or within a commutable distance for me.
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funky2722
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Is it possible? Assuming I get in for 2019 entry the baby would be a few months old when I start my first year? Is it feasible or would it be the case of taking a year out to apply/deferred entry? Would this be a good enough extenuating circumstance for an unplanned deferred entry? I'm the father btw and the mother and baby would likely be living in the same city as me or within a commutable distance for me.
If its the father it's possible I think, but it's hella hard im not gonna lie. then again you're probably 24/25 right? Unlike most med students who are 18.
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notespad
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My friend (female) had 2 babies during med school! She did take some time out too, which was planned, and that was her call. She even brought the kids to the library/class a few times when she couldn't find cover last minute. She was also at least 10 years older than us!

Don't put limits on yourself. If you want to do it, there are always options. Life just happens sometimes.

Also, age is really not a thing at med school. So many grads/mature students around. And when you're 70, no-one cares if you took graduated med school a little "late" lol
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CorieLeigh
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Maybe a little different as a mother, but I attempted starting a master's when my second child was 5 months old and it was tough going.
I don't think anything is impossible though. It depends on things like childcare and your family's support network. But I'm sure you wouldn't be the first to make it work.
I'm curious about how unis view it in terms of extenuating circumstances.
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junior.doctor
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I think in all honesty, if the baby isn't going to be living in the same home as you and you're not going to be involved in day to day care or doing things like helping with night feeds or being regularly woken at night, then yes it will hard but doable. It sounds like the main challenge will be balancing your free time in order to be able to spend time with your little one as well as studying, particularly if this means making time to go somewhere else and see them, rather than spontaneously being able to do this at home. Medical school is hard work and requires lots of study, but for someone who's disciplined with their study and studies smart and can manage their time well, there should still be plenty of time for other things as well as studying. It depends what other life things you have going on - example if you want to study, and care for your baby, and eg commit to a part time job and also have a social life, that might not work. But there's no reason why you can't do a combination of the above if you're disciplined with your time. Best of luck.
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nexttime
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It sounds like you're mainly leaving the care of the baby to a seemingly full-time mother? In which case its obviously doable yes. It just might strain your relationship a bit/a lot!

I'll just point out how expensive childcare is if you're imagining that will form a part of your plans. The national average cost of a nursery (9-6) is about £1,000 per month or £45 per day, more than half the take-home pay of an FY1!
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Elles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Is it possible? Assuming I get in for 2019 entry the baby would be a few months old when I start my first year? Is it feasible or would it be the case of taking a year out to apply/deferred entry? Would this be a good enough extenuating circumstance for an unplanned deferred entry? I'm the father btw and the mother and baby would likely be living in the same city as me or within a commutable distance for me.
Congratulations! I'm not sure what your specific concerns are..?

One parent as main carer & the other takes 2 weeks statutory leave then goes back to full time work is pretty standard with babies! Although with shared parental leave some couples might both spend more time off if they can afford it/work it into their careers.

If it's the living separately - are you in a relationship with the mother? If not that has it's own co-parenting challenges!

If you are but need to live apart for your studies it's not that unusual - my husband was only home Friday evenings & the weekend when we had our first due to his job - it was tough but doable. He's a great hands on Dad when around so I don't think his bonding suffered at all.

If your concerns are financial - this may be more of an issue/justification to defer if you need to financially support them both because depending on your medical school course part-time or holiday work might not be easily feasible. Then later on as nexttime has pointed out paid for childcare is very expensive in this country - we were paying £18,000 a year initially for just one child in London 5 years ago when we needed the sort of cover that would enable me to return to an 80% training post. Being a medical student is less antisocial hours than being a doctor - so might be easier in some respects! If family childcare is an option this might dictate geography and logistics. There are new schemes with tax free childcare though if either/both of you will be working and also check any other tax credits etc. you might be eligible for.
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Vinny C
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Hang the kid on the washing line... that's why they have the gripping reflex, lol.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by funky2722)
If its the father it's possible I think, but it's hella hard im not gonna lie. then again you're probably 24/25 right? Unlike most med students who are 18.
I'm actually 19
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by junior.doctor)
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(Original post by nexttime)
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(Original post by Elles)
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Thank you everyone. We both live in London and due to the situation I've only applied to London medical schools so distance isn't a problem. She and the baby will also have somewhere to live as she's living with her parents. We aren't together (this arose from a very stupid mistake) but we are on very good terms. I'm mainly worried because I do want to be a hands on dad, but I also want to do well in my degree. Ultimately my success is what will give my child a future. I also feel incredibly guilty because the mother is giving up on going to university for a year or two, which is another reason why I want to do well. I don't want to be an absent father at all, I just don't know how to balance it all as well as the part-time job I'm going to have to keep now. Just because she is fortunate enough to live at home doesn't mean I want to leave the financial aspect up to her. Plus her parents really don't like me right now so I can't afford to mess up. I just feel a little lost right now and it's my own damn fault
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Elles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you everyone. We both live in London and due to the situation I've only applied to London medical schools so distance isn't a problem. She and the baby will also have somewhere to live as she's living with her parents. We aren't together (this arose from a very stupid mistake) but we are on very good terms. I'm mainly worried because I do want to be a hands on dad, but I also want to do well in my degree. Ultimately my success is what will give my child a future. I also feel incredibly guilty because the mother is giving up on going to university for a year or two, which is another reason why I want to do well. I don't want to be an absent father at all, I just don't know how to balance it all as well as the part-time job I'm going to have to keep now. Just because she is fortunate enough to live at home doesn't mean I want to leave the financial aspect up to her. Plus her parents really don't like me right now so I can't afford to mess up. I just feel a little lost right now and it's my own damn fault
Tough situation. Are you both in agreement about continuing the pregnancy and keeping the baby?

Admire you for wanting to be a hands on Dad and also thinking of your future/career. This will be tricky. Luckily it sounds like her parents will be significantly supporting them if she lives at home? I think trying to maintain a good relationship with them too will be important - kind of understandable they might not like you right now - but if she keeps the baby you'll always be their Dad so they need to be grown up about it and you need to demonstrate your character to them all.

You probably need some frank discussions with the mother about what support you think you might be able to provide? Also would your family want to be involved? What's the schedule of your part-time job? It might be that you living apart and concentrating on your medical studies intensively in the week means your weekends are largely free - so it could be a regular quality time over the weekend and having the baby alone without the mother for the day/24 hrs when they're ready would be a massive help and break to her. As I said - my husband only really had weekends will all of our children in the first years of their lives (have since restructured our working arrangements to both be part-time) but is a great hands on Dad with a strong bond.
Realistically juggling medical school - part-time job - baby isn't going to give you much space for hobbies or socializing that most uni students get to do - but that's the cards you have... & if a good relationship with your baby is important then it is what it is.

The tricky point will be childcare wise if she wants to go to Uni and family aren't offering to step in to do childcare because it is very expensive in London & to be honest I'm not sure you could earn enough to pay half throughout a medical degree. She'd need to double check if being a "full time student" makes you exempt from child tax/working tax credits/benefits etc. that she otherwise might get...
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