Jf740
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Hi everyone,

I’m new to this site so I hope I’m posting this in the right place.

My daughter (15) has come to me recently saying she would like to change the way she wears her uniform (blazer, tie, white shirt, skirt) so that she can feel more herself when she’s at school. I’ve always been quite strict to make sure her uniform is clean, ironed, and worn correctly before she leaves the house. She’s saying that she will still wear the blazer, but she wants me to let her wear her tie loosely and untuck her shirt........ her shirts are not fitted so they look very obvious when untucked.

I’ve told her that the school won’t like this as they have a strict uniform policy where they give an after school detention after a couple of warnings. She’s never had a detention before but she said she is happy to serve them if they are given to her. Most other girls in her school seem to wear the uniform properly so I’m not sure why she wants to rebel.

My question is, should I accept this is her decision and let her go ahead with relaxing her uniform, or be strict and tell her that rules are rules?

Thanks in advance for your help, or advice from similar experiences.
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Andrew97
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Just tell her to get on with it like the rest of us.
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RenéDescartes
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As long as it is not detrimental to her future and grades, then just let her do what she wants. If you force her to wear her uniform the way you want it to be worn, then she might rebel in other ways or feel like she is oppressed. There are worse things than untidy uniform so just let her get those detentions.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Jf740)
Hi everyone,

I’m new to this site so I hope I’m posting this in the right place.

My daughter (15) has come to me recently saying she would like to change the way she wears her uniform (blazer, tie, white shirt, skirt) so that she can feel more herself when she’s at school. I’ve always been quite strict to make sure her uniform is clean, ironed, and worn correctly before she leaves the house. She’s saying that she will still wear the blazer, but she wants me to let her wear her tie loosely and untuck her shirt........ her shirts are not fitted so they look very obvious when untucked.

I’ve told her that the school won’t like this as they have a strict uniform policy where they give an after school detention after a couple of warnings. She’s never had a detention before but she said she is happy to serve them if they are given to her. Most other girls in her school seem to wear the uniform properly so I’m not sure why she wants to rebel.

My question is, should I accept this is her decision and let her go ahead with relaxing her uniform, or be strict and tell her that rules are rules?

Thanks in advance for your help, or advice from similar experiences.
Shes a teenager and think she knows everything.

The school has rules. The student by agreeing to join agrees to the schools rules.

I would let your daughter break the rules and get on with it. See what the school says and let her enjoy her detention and exclusion.

Ask your daughter if she thinks she knows better than the school or wants an education?

One compromise will be when it comes to A levels then she can go to a school with no uniform or college.

Its her life, just let her get on with it. Let her make her own mistakes. She might realise the school will think its more important than her. I dont see why you as a parent should stress over it at this stage or read the riot act. just inform her what will happen. One of the most stupid reasons to risk your education, but she thinks she knows better. Do keep us informed.
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bones-mccoy
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I would tell her that she wears a uniform for a reason and that it should be worn correctly, although obviously there's not much you can do if she chooses to wear it like a slob at school as you're not actually there. She may say she's happy to deal with the consequences of her actions but she'll soon get sick of going to detention every other day. It could get to the point where the school are sending letters home or threatening suspension, in which case you'll have to step in anyway.
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Jf740
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Thank you everyone for the very quick responses!

I already feel a bit better about this, as I felt like all I can do is advise her to wear it properly to avoid getting in trouble. She seems quite determined to do this, so I don’t think there is much more I can do. I guess I should I just leave her to make her own mind up and deal with the consequences. I know it’s not the biggest problem in the world, but I was struggling to work out whether I should be firm on this or not.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Jf740)
Thank you everyone for the very quick responses!

I already feel a bit better about this, as I felt like all I can do is advise her to wear it properly to avoid getting in trouble. She seems quite determined to do this, so I don’t think there is much more I can do. I guess I should I just leave her to make her own mind up and deal with the consequences. I know it’s not the biggest problem in the world, but I was struggling to work out whether I should be firm on this or not.
If you tell her not to she will use that as even more reason to revolt. Just let her. Please dont worry I think its hilarious. She isnt the first teenager to go to school and fight the system. Put your feet up and watch it happen. When you get called in then support the school. This is all her. If shes too stupid to know when to pick her fights or listen to advice, then she can learn from the results.
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Jf740
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(Original post by 999tigger)
If you tell her not to she will use that as even more reason to revolt. Just let her. Please dont worry I think its hilarious. She isnt the first teenager to go to school and fight the system. Put your feet up and watch it happen. When you get called in then support the school. This is all her. If shes too stupid to know when to pick her fights or listen to advice, then she can learn from the results.
Thank you.

It’s frustrating as she’s doing really well at school. She is very bright academically and I hear nothing but praise from her teachers regarding behaviour and manners. Quite why she wants to start getting detentions is beyond me.

She’s asked me if I could buy her some fitted shirts, presumably so they look better untucked. I won’t be going out of my way to help her with this though...... I think she will have to deal with untucking the bigger shirts if that’s what she wants...... what has life come to!
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999tigger
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(Original post by Jf740)
Thank you.

It’s frustrating as she’s doing really well at school. She is very bright academically and I hear nothing but praise from her teachers regarding behaviour and manners. Quite why she wants to start getting detentions is beyond me.

She’s asked me if I could buy her some fitted shirts, presumably so they look better untucked. I won’t be going out of my way to help her with this though...... I think she will have to deal with untucking the bigger shirts if that’s what she wants...... what has life come to!
Get a bottle of wine and put your feet up whilst she enjoys starting the revolution as a teen.

I wouldnt waste an ounce of worry on her over this.

If you really are that concerned, then why not have a quiet word with her form tutor or favourite teacher and give them the head s up. i.e youve told her but shes might be doing rebellious teenager.
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Jf740
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Get a bottle of wine and put your feet up whilst she enjoys starting the revolution as a teen.

I wouldnt waste an ounce of worry on her over this.

If you really are that concerned, then why not have a quiet word with her form tutor or favourite teacher and give them the head s up. i.e youve told her but shes might be doing rebellious teenager.
That’s a good idea, thank you. I guess I need to be careful not to bring attention to it, but at the same time I’d like them to know this is all my daughters decision, and hopefully she’ll snap out of it after a few detentions........ Am I really contemplating advising the school to give her detentions? 😂
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999tigger
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(Original post by Jf740)
That’s a good idea, thank you. I guess I need to be careful not to bring attention to it, but at the same time I’d like them to know this is all my daughters decision, and hopefully she’ll snap out of it after a few detentions........ Am I really contemplating advising the school to give her detentions? 😂
Pick a friendly teacher with some common sense. No need to dob her in completely or she will get annoyed. Its not a big thing yes and by letting her have her own head it encourages her to make her own choices and learn from them plus stops using you as a tool for conflict. I would just laugh.
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Jf740
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Pick a friendly teacher with some common sense. No need to dob her in completely or she will get annoyed. Its not a big thing yes and by letting her have her own head it encourages her to make her own choices and learn from them plus stops using you as a tool for conflict. I would just laugh.
There has certainly been some conflict over this every morning for the last few weeks. I think she’ll be surprised tomorrow when I tell her it’s up to her what she does. I think her shirt will be out instantly 🤦🏻
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Jf740
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UPDATE: I spoke to my daughter about this this evening and explained I think it’s a terrible idea to start getting into trouble for her uniform, and reiterated that I’ll be on the schools side when they start issuing her detentions.

She said she doesn’t feel comfortable in the uniform and she’s not fussed if she gets a detention or two. She said she’s going to leave her shirt out tomorrow and loosen her tie..... my job is done I feel, let’s see how long it takes for the school to take action!
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username1039383
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let her do what she wants. I rebelled a little with my uniform in high school (my mum was ok with it) and I'm glad because the girls who weren't allowed to went off the rails once they finished
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Jf740
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(Original post by Secretnerd123)
let her do what she wants. I rebelled a little with my uniform in high school (my mum was ok with it) and I'm glad because the girls who weren't allowed to went off the rails once they finished
Thanks, it’s good to know it did you some good rather than it being a negative thing. I just have visions of her getting lots of detentions for it and eventually hating school. But as you say, she should feel free to do what she wants. I can only advise.
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Andrew97
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I find it baffling that somebody would be willing to get a detention over a shirt and tie.
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Jf740
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I agree. She says it suits her better and she feels more comfortable.........
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username1039383
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(Original post by Jf740)
Thanks, it’s good to know it did you some good rather than it being a negative thing. I just have visions of her getting lots of detentions for it and eventually hating school. But as you say, she should feel free to do what she wants. I can only advise.
all you can do is support her and encourage her to do well. as long as she has support at home, she wont hate school. you've reminded her multiple times about detention anyway. I don't think this is a huge thing. atleast shes telling you. this is slightly irrelevant but i remember some girls would come into the school bathroom without makeup, put alot of makeup on and then wipe it off before they went back home. it shows how uncomfortable/scared of their parents they were/are..
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Jf740
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(Original post by Secretnerd123)
all you can do is support her and encourage her to do well. as long as she has support at home, she wont hate school. you've reminded her multiple times about detention anyway. I don't think this is a huge thing. atleast shes telling you. this is slightly irrelevant but i remember some girls would come into the school bathroom without makeup, put alot of makeup on and then wipe it off before they went back home. it shows how uncomfortable/scared of their parents they were/are..
Wow, I’m certainly grateful she’s coming to me in that case. I like that she can talk to me about this stuff, it shows she cares. I think she’s just in a rebellious stage of life and I should be grateful she’s only going to untuck her shirt, rather than start smoking or something.
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username3934898
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not my kind of idea of rebellion tbh idk why she's this bothered about it

but i mean after you get your first detention the next are no big deal

i remember sobbing over my first detention in year eight for being late to school feeling way too scared to tell my parents

walked out of year 11 with 10 detentions. i'm still late to school lmaooo.

maybe she's so nerdy this is her way of fighting with the school which is literally something i would do but this seems like too much effort. who knows?? teenagers are strange, strange people....
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