Bad husband taking advantage of my sister and my family.

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Where do I start!
My older sister got married to a young man from overseas a few years ago, and had a child. It took a long time for me to accept her husband but eventually I did accept him. Sadly things have gone down hill rapidly in recent months.

Last year they got a house a few doors from ours meaning they could move out of our cramped house. My sister pays most of the bills despite him working most of the time. Nearly all the money he earns goes to his family back in the country he comes from. £10k last time!

A few months ago he got a night shift job in a warehouse. He gave up his original job after they had offered him daytime shifts to suit his childcare needs. (Maybe being away from home is avoiding his responsibilities?)

His child is at school now but the his father is out every evening and night working and rarely sees his child leaving the child with our relatives. All while he sends most of his earnings back to his home country. Still he rarely pays any bills or spends money on his British family!

We are a close family. A few weeks ago he suggested we all move up north because a lot of HIS freinds from his country live up north. We have lived in Oxfordshire most of our lives and he thinks the world revolves around him. Presumably he thinks the lower cost of living up north means sending even more money home.

My sister and relatives still have to look after his child who can be a bit of a handful even when the husband is at home so he can chill out and watch football.

What are your opinions of this? Should my sister divorce and get rid of this useless waste of space?

Can anyone come up with a solution?
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Reality Check
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#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Where do I start!
My older sister got married to a young man from overseas a few years ago, and had a child. It took a long time for me to accept her husband but eventually I did accept him. Sadly things have gone down hill rapidly in recent months.

Last year they got a house a few doors from ours meaning they could move out of our cramped house. My sister pays most of the bills despite him working most of the time. Nearly all the money he earns goes to his family back in the country he comes from. £10k last time!

A few months ago he got a night shift job in a warehouse. He gave up his original job after they had offered him daytime shifts to suit his childcare needs. (Maybe being away from home is avoiding his responsibilities?)

His child is at school now but the his father is out every evening and night working and rarely sees his child leaving the child with our relatives. All while he sends most of his earnings back to his home country. Still he rarely pays any bills or spends money on his British family!

We are a close family. A few weeks ago he suggested we all move up north because a lot of HIS freinds from his country live up north. We have lived in Oxfordshire most of our lives and he thinks the world revolves around him. Presumably he thinks the lower cost of living up north means sending even more money home.

My sister and relatives still have to look after his child who can be a bit of a handful even when the husband is at home so he can chill out and watch football.

What are your opinions of this? Should my sister divorce and get rid of this useless waste of space?

Can anyone come up with a solution?
Just a quick question - are you, and your sister, a native British family and your husband-in-law a recent economic migrant?
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emmataco
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(Original post by Anonymous)

What are your opinions of this? Should my sister divorce and get rid of this useless waste of space?

Can anyone come up with a solution?
Assuming your sister is an adult and isnt facing any physical danger, I think you should mind your own business.

How a married couple decide to share their household income is a internal matter and not for you to judge, comment or make insinuations.

Where they choose to live or what hours he works, is a matter the couple should discuss in a frank manner. You getting involved as a third party and egging your sister on doesnt seem healthy.

Kind of strange how you think working hard at your job, wanting to live near friends and wanting to live in a low cost area are bad things
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Reality Check)
Just a quick question - are you, and your sister, a native British family and your husband-in-law a recent economic migrant?
Yes we are a native British family. The husband she met on holiday abroad. I have nothing against foreigners. Im not in the least bit racist. I myself have had a few foreign GFs at college and had no problems. It seems perhaps her husband sees the relationship as a way of generating money for His own family back home.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by emmataco)
Assuming your sister is an adult and isnt facing any physical danger, I think you should mind your own business.

How a married couple decide to share their household income is a internal matter and not for you to judge, comment or make insinuations.

Where they choose to live or what hours he works, is a matter the couple should discuss in a frank manner. You getting involved as a third party and egging your sister on doesnt seem healthy.

Kind of strange how you think working hard at your job, wanting to live near friends and wanting to live in a low cost area are bad things
While I respect your point of view and working hard being a good thing, is it right that he should bully or persuade our family to uproot our selves for his own personal advantage?
Yes working is better than doing nothing, and he pays taxes but is it any better to work and not pay your way at home?

With regards child care, he did have a job in hospitality which was originally nights. The management out of kindness gave him daytime hours that would suit his commitments but he quit the job as a result to get another job with evening and night shifts.

He has a child and a wife and that should be his number 1 priority. But he does what suits him alone, and of course his own family back home. And when money is mentioned he just moans back saying why do you keep going on about money....
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Turquaz
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I'm not validating TSR to be the best place to seek solution to complex family matters. But you said he doesn't care about his responsibilities of looking after his children and wife, so then why are you assuming that he wants to move up North justjso that he can save "more" money to send home?
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Anonymous #2
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uh... yeah!

why the hell is your sister even putting up with all this sh**?? in fact why are so many women, i'm asian myself (i'm guessing you are asian) and have heard this story so many times when its the woman who is british and the guy is from back home. she'll marry a guy from overseas and he'll come over and literally behave like a ****. funnily enough its rarely the case when the roles are reversed, most men won't let their wives behave like some diva. yet the guy always seems to think he has a God given right.

firstly your sister needs to learn her rights. well i dunno if you are muslim or not but if you are its not HER job to be the provider, its his. and seen as he is working there is no reason whatsoever why she should be the one providing the accomodation, paying the bills and paying for her kids whilst all the while he gets to sit on his ass all day. whats even her opinion on this and more to the point why the hell is she putting up with it?
i swear so many women need to know their rights and demand respect. if you LET your husband walk all over you then thats what he'll do. if you tell him whats what from the begininng he will know not to mess with you. chances are things are just going to get worse if she doesn't divorce him or tell him to change. now hes telling her to move, if he somehow manages to convince her to do that it won't be long until he'll be physically stopping her from meeting her family and completely controlling her. tell her to wake up and see the signs, shes married to a complete deadbeat and hes not going to get any better.

and typically she'll use the excuse that 'oh hes the father of my child' blah blah blah personally he ain't a father if he isn't getting involved in his kids life or even providing for it. there literally is no reason for him to be around, i doubt she'll even notice hes gone when she eventually dumps him. tell her to at least threaten him with divorce if he doesn't make any changes. who the **** do these freshies think they are, coming over here and acting as though they own the place?!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by emmataco)
Kind of strange how you think working hard at your job, wanting to live near friends and wanting to live in a low cost area are bad things
kinda strange how you see nothing wrong with a guy doing f ck all for his family. imagine the roles are reversed, the man does all the work, pays for everything and yet the wife does nothing and still calls all the shots. somehow i think you would have a VERY strong opinion on that, am i right?
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Reality Check
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I wonder if the OP will come back?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
uh... yeah!

why the hell is your sister even putting up with all this sh**?? in fact why are so many women, i'm asian myself (i'm guessing you are asian) and have heard this story so many times when its the woman who is british and the guy is from back home. she'll marry a guy from overseas and he'll come over and literally behave like a ****. funnily enough its rarely the case when the roles are reversed, most men won't let their wives behave like some diva. yet the guy always seems to think he has a God given right.

firstly your sister needs to learn her rights. well i dunno if you are muslim or not but if you are its not HER job to be the provider, its his. and seen as he is working there is no reason whatsoever why she should be the one providing the accomodation, paying the bills and paying for her kids whilst all the while he gets to sit on his ass all day. whats even her opinion on this and more to the point why the hell is she putting up with it?
i swear so many women need to know their rights and demand respect. if you LET your husband walk all over you then thats what he'll do. if you tell him whats what from the begininng he will know not to mess with you. chances are things are just going to get worse if she doesn't divorce him or tell him to change. now hes telling her to move, if he somehow manages to convince her to do that it won't be long until he'll be physically stopping her from meeting her family and completely controlling her. tell her to wake up and see the signs, shes married to a complete deadbeat and hes not going to get any better.

and typically she'll use the excuse that 'oh hes the father of my child' blah blah blah personally he ain't a father if he isn't getting involved in his kids life or even providing for it. there literally is no reason for him to be around, i doubt she'll even notice hes gone when she eventually dumps him. tell her to at least threaten him with divorce if he doesn't make any changes. who the **** do these freshies think they are, coming over here and acting as though they own the place?!
Totally agree with you my sentiments exactly. Thanks for your opinion.
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