The Student Room Group

How often are you in touch with your GF/BF?

The general consensus on this forum is every day or every other day.

I’ve seen quite a few threads of, notably, guys saying they haven’t been in touch with their girlfriends for 3-4 days or even a week, with most people replying:

“She’s lost interest”, “Move on”, “She would be in touch every day if she was into you”, etc...

This, I find, is a projection of their own relationships and their communication.

My GF and I don’t spend our time hooked on our phones talking to eachother day in day out... it’s tedious and boring, and in my opinion: useless.

If you think texting is a big enough part of relationships to warrant a break up if your SO goes a few days without being in touch, you’re either immature and/or have not much else going on in your life.


My two cents.
My partner went abroad just a few months into our relationship and did not contact me BY CHOICE for just under four weeks. And then when he came back said he felt things were ‘weird’. This is an example of what I think is unreasonable.

I think if you communicate that you’re going to be busy or whatever then that is understandable but if you’re pretty much getting ignored and your concerns are not getting listened to then to me that is a red flag. If they don’t bother with you or refuse to acknowledge that not keeping in contact may have hurt your feelings then it’s a no go. They should miss you and should want to know how you are! Texting isn’t everything no but you have to wonder why they feel so okay with being without you for longer periods of time
I’m in a LDR and i speak to my boyfriend over text for about half an hour in the morning, then we both get on with our lives (if its a weekend we may text a bit more throughout the day) and then we FaceTime for an hour each evening. We see eachother once every two weeks.
I don’t understand why people think it’s necessary to keep up a running conversation with their S/O for the entire day, when you both have lives and school/uni/work to get on with. Equally, if you only text/talk once every few days (i’ve even seen people say they go like a week without talking) is there really much point?
Edit: we do text eachother during the day if there’s an interesting update (eg i just got 100% on an exam!!) but not full conversations. We only have non-stop running convos in the time periods i stated above or if we have a chunk of unusual free time.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 3
Original post by SomMC1
I think it really depends if youre talking about LDRs or local relationships.

What is the point of dating a girl (or a boy) if you dont even communicate or talk to them? If you arent communicating in an LDR then you might as well be single and thus hook up with local girls instead.

If the relationship is local, then I do agree with you that texting all evening is definitely not necessary, as the couple would've spent a lot of time together during the day; that might be in school, work, uni, lunches, etc.

Even again, people are always glued to their phones, perhaps due to work, playing games, youtube, music or texting others. So giving a quick text to your SO is a matter of seconds. I personally never found it to be a huge obstacle in my day-to-day life.

Albeit I have to admit sometimes it did get as a chore to constantly update her via texting.

To send the complimentary “Hey how are you?”, “How’s your day been?”, “What you up to?” text?

I would get incredibly bored with those if my GF sent them every day or every other day... well I guess it would be nice for some time, but it would get tiresome.

I know LDR are different and those certainly rely on texting and other communication platforms.
Original post by Anonymous
To send the complimentary “Hey how are you?”, “How’s your day been?”, “What you up to?” text?

I would get incredibly bored with those if my GF sent them every day or every other day... well I guess it would be nice for some time, but it would get tiresome.

I know LDR are different and those certainly rely on texting and other communication platforms.

I assume you got a local relationship, right?

In that case, I agree with you that it would probably get really annoying.

I was in a semi-LDR and the communication was key; but at the same time, compared to local relationships it was toxic. It was more like spying on each other more than anything. Very toxic and unhealthy. Sometimes less is more
Original post by SomMC1
Fully agree with you, couldnt have said it better myself.

Good luck in your relationship:smile:


Thank you! I think people overthink how much they need to be talking, nice to know people think the same
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
My partner went abroad just a few months into our relationship and did not contact me BY CHOICE for just under four weeks. And then when he came back said he felt things were ‘weird’. This is an example of what I think is unreasonable.

I think if you communicate that you’re going to be busy or whatever then that is understandable but if you’re pretty much getting ignored and your concerns are not getting listened to then to me that is a red flag. If they don’t bother with you or refuse to acknowledge that not keeping in contact may have hurt your feelings then it’s a no go. They should miss you and should want to know how you are! Texting isn’t everything no but you have to wonder why they feel so okay with being without you for longer periods of time

Almost 4 weeks without one peep is ridiculous. If you know your partner is busy, they tell you they’re going to be busy and that it’s going to be hard to meet up or text... then that’s fine in my book, because they’re being transparent. Then if they text once in a while and the conversations are good and flowing - everything is fine. Patience is key.
I think contact daily is the norm, everyone can text, everyone has a phone. If you can't keep in contact daily then something isn't right.
Reply 8
Original post by Lemon1806
I’m in a LDR and i speak to my boyfriend over text for about half an hour in the morning, then we both get on with our lives (if its a weekend we may text a bit more throughout the day) and then we FaceTime for an hour each evening. We see eachother once every two weeks.
I don’t understand why people think it’s necessary to keep up a running conversation with their S/O for the entire day, when you both have lives and school/uni/work to get on with. Equally, if you only text/talk once every few days (i’ve even seen people say they go like a week without talking) is there really much point?
Edit: we do text eachother during the day if there’s an interesting update (eg i just got 100% on an exam!!) but not full conversations. We only have non-stop running convos in the time periods i stated above or if we have a chunk of unusual free time.

What do you mean by “is there really much point” when speaking of couple who go a few days or a week without talking.

I personally don’t think it’s that bad. People are at different stages of busy. I really dislike how texting has become such a huge part of relationships nowadays.
Original post by Anonymous
What do you mean by “is there really much point” when speaking of couple who go a few days or a week without talking.

I personally don’t think it’s that bad. People are at different stages of busy. I really dislike how texting has become such a huge part of relationships nowadays.


If you’re busy eg going on a trip and can’t text for a few days/weeks then that’s completely understandable, i think I didn’t make it clear enough. The point at which I think there “isn’t much point” is more if (especially in LDRs) one person just never talks for massive periods of time, like once a week every week, rather than having a random one off week where they can’t talk. I think there’s not much point then because if you don’t see / talk to eachother it is extremely difficult for the relationship to develop properly, whereas if you only have a one off when you can’t talk for a week or so the relationship can still develop at other times.

Again, I’m speaking more about LDRs here as that is my personal experience (I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2and a half years, lived 30 mins away from my boyfriend for the first year and a half, but we’ve lived 2 and a half hours apart for the past year) and in this scenario texting is a big part of relationships as it is by far the easiest way to communicate for a short period of time if you can’t see/call eachother often.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Almost 4 weeks without one peep is ridiculous. If you know your partner is busy, they tell you they’re going to be busy and that it’s going to be hard to meet up or text... then that’s fine in my book, because they’re being transparent. Then if they text once in a while and the conversations are good and flowing - everything is fine. Patience is key.


I agree. I did try and contact him during the four weeks but he ignored me (he said this, I am not assuming).

As long as they’re communicating and being honest about it then it’s fine. Both people need to be on the same page with how much they would like to communicate

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