Religious classmate may be ruining my coursework
Saw a thread similar to this about a week or two ago, now having a similar issue...
I'm in year 2 of uni. Me and a few other people have boyfriends/girlfriends at uni with us by now. Our lecturer always lets us out at least 5 mins late on Mondays, so our partners usually head over and wait for us to get let out and we go off together in our couples.
There's this one girl. She's very religious, and she mentions it all the time, and I've had less than great experiences with religious people in the past due to me being a lesbian, so I've kind of avoided her and when we've had to work together I've omitted the truth about my sexuality, because I was worried about starting something.
On Monday I got out of the lecture and my girlfriend was waiting to meet me. Religious girl's boyfriend was also waiting to meet her. She goes over and kisses her bf and my girlfriend knows I'm not huge on proper kissing in public but she hugged me and kissed my neck, which I'm fine with because it's more discreet. Religious girl sees anyway and asks if we're sisters or friends and my gf, not realising she's the religious girl I'd told her about previously, says we're dating. I just see religious girl's face drop. She like mutters something and grabs her boyfriends hand and drags him away.
Yesterday, Tuesday, I had a different lecture with her and she basically turned up her nose at me, wouldn't look at me or talk to me, and the mutual friend said that when she actually asked her what was up the religious girl basically said that she couldn't be around "someone like that" aka me, a lesbian.
She's worried that I'll try and take advantage of her, which is ridiculous for several reasons. She also seems to think I'm going to hell, which is fun. And she thinks being around me is going to "taint her spirit" or something like that.
This would be fine, if it were just about any other classmate. I'm all for religious freedom, and as far as I'm concerned so long as she isn't trying to crucify or exorcise me she can get on with it.
Here's my problem:
We work together quite a bit as we have one mutual friend and as I've hid my being gay we haven't had any disagreements and it's all gone smoothly until now.
We're working on something right now. It's a group presentation worth 40% of my overall grade for this module. I know I already fumbled with the first stage of the assessment, which was an exam worth 30%, as I don't do well on exams in general. I'm working on it, but that was literally the last exam I'll ever take. The third part is an upcoming essay, which I feel pretty good about, but it's only 30%.
We're too far in to switch groups now, and the presentation is literally due on Halloween, so a week from today. We were assigned it on the 15th and on the day religious girl found out I'm gay she was appointed group leader and part of her job is assigning roles and dividing up what we're meant to say and do in the presentation, which is important as not only do we all get graded on the overall content of the presentation, but also what we do when giving it. The presentation is meant to be half an hour long. The content and the presentation are worth half marks. So if you don't do well with public speaking or you don't say a lot or you aren't there to give the presentation, the most you can get is 50%.
Today she sent out a copy of the script we wrote together, with highlights that indicate who is saying what and who is taking control of which parts of the presentation. There are 10 topics to cover and an interactive bit which requires 2 people, and there are 4 people in the group.
We wrote the whole thing together, and we each had areas we covered before compiling it all into a slideshow. I did the bulk of the research for 4 of the topics and as I finished first I was made a "floater" and went around the group helping with the other 6, so when she asked I was able to tell her that I would be happy to present any of them, but would prefer to not do interactive as that's the part I was least confident on.
The way we planned it Monday was that 2 of us would cover 3 discussion points each and the other 2 would cover 2 discussion points and split the interactive part between them.
The script she sent out has me covering 1 discussion point (not even a particularly large one) and nothing else.
I sent it to our mutual friend who said "yeah, your part is pretty small" and between us we basically begged her to give me more to do and she said I could help with the interactive part, which already has 2 people doing it.
She seems to have taken the parts I thought I was doing and split them between herself and the rest of the group, leaving me with a few minutes of talking at most. So I am currently doing about 10% of the presentation when everyone is meant to be doing 25%.
I can prove with my notes and emails and browsing history that I did my part in researching and creating the presentation, but even if I could prove that I singlehandedly created the best presentation of all time, it's still only worth half the overall marks.
I don't want to like grass her up to the lecturer or whatever, but I don't want my grade to suffer because she doesn't like my relationship.
Any ideas?
I'm in year 2 of uni. Me and a few other people have boyfriends/girlfriends at uni with us by now. Our lecturer always lets us out at least 5 mins late on Mondays, so our partners usually head over and wait for us to get let out and we go off together in our couples.
There's this one girl. She's very religious, and she mentions it all the time, and I've had less than great experiences with religious people in the past due to me being a lesbian, so I've kind of avoided her and when we've had to work together I've omitted the truth about my sexuality, because I was worried about starting something.
On Monday I got out of the lecture and my girlfriend was waiting to meet me. Religious girl's boyfriend was also waiting to meet her. She goes over and kisses her bf and my girlfriend knows I'm not huge on proper kissing in public but she hugged me and kissed my neck, which I'm fine with because it's more discreet. Religious girl sees anyway and asks if we're sisters or friends and my gf, not realising she's the religious girl I'd told her about previously, says we're dating. I just see religious girl's face drop. She like mutters something and grabs her boyfriends hand and drags him away.
Yesterday, Tuesday, I had a different lecture with her and she basically turned up her nose at me, wouldn't look at me or talk to me, and the mutual friend said that when she actually asked her what was up the religious girl basically said that she couldn't be around "someone like that" aka me, a lesbian.
She's worried that I'll try and take advantage of her, which is ridiculous for several reasons. She also seems to think I'm going to hell, which is fun. And she thinks being around me is going to "taint her spirit" or something like that.
This would be fine, if it were just about any other classmate. I'm all for religious freedom, and as far as I'm concerned so long as she isn't trying to crucify or exorcise me she can get on with it.
Here's my problem:
We work together quite a bit as we have one mutual friend and as I've hid my being gay we haven't had any disagreements and it's all gone smoothly until now.
We're working on something right now. It's a group presentation worth 40% of my overall grade for this module. I know I already fumbled with the first stage of the assessment, which was an exam worth 30%, as I don't do well on exams in general. I'm working on it, but that was literally the last exam I'll ever take. The third part is an upcoming essay, which I feel pretty good about, but it's only 30%.
We're too far in to switch groups now, and the presentation is literally due on Halloween, so a week from today. We were assigned it on the 15th and on the day religious girl found out I'm gay she was appointed group leader and part of her job is assigning roles and dividing up what we're meant to say and do in the presentation, which is important as not only do we all get graded on the overall content of the presentation, but also what we do when giving it. The presentation is meant to be half an hour long. The content and the presentation are worth half marks. So if you don't do well with public speaking or you don't say a lot or you aren't there to give the presentation, the most you can get is 50%.
Today she sent out a copy of the script we wrote together, with highlights that indicate who is saying what and who is taking control of which parts of the presentation. There are 10 topics to cover and an interactive bit which requires 2 people, and there are 4 people in the group.
We wrote the whole thing together, and we each had areas we covered before compiling it all into a slideshow. I did the bulk of the research for 4 of the topics and as I finished first I was made a "floater" and went around the group helping with the other 6, so when she asked I was able to tell her that I would be happy to present any of them, but would prefer to not do interactive as that's the part I was least confident on.
The way we planned it Monday was that 2 of us would cover 3 discussion points each and the other 2 would cover 2 discussion points and split the interactive part between them.
The script she sent out has me covering 1 discussion point (not even a particularly large one) and nothing else.
I sent it to our mutual friend who said "yeah, your part is pretty small" and between us we basically begged her to give me more to do and she said I could help with the interactive part, which already has 2 people doing it.
She seems to have taken the parts I thought I was doing and split them between herself and the rest of the group, leaving me with a few minutes of talking at most. So I am currently doing about 10% of the presentation when everyone is meant to be doing 25%.
I can prove with my notes and emails and browsing history that I did my part in researching and creating the presentation, but even if I could prove that I singlehandedly created the best presentation of all time, it's still only worth half the overall marks.
I don't want to like grass her up to the lecturer or whatever, but I don't want my grade to suffer because she doesn't like my relationship.
Any ideas?
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TL;DR: super religious classmate who is leading our group presentation thinks I'm going to give her lesbian cooties and because of this has cut down what I'm allowed to do when presenting
Original post by Anonymous
The way we planned it Monday was that 2 of us would cover 3 discussion points each and the other 2 would cover 2 discussion points and split the interactive part between them.
The script she sent out has me covering 1 discussion point (not even a particularly large one) and nothing else.
I sent it to our mutual friend who said "yeah, your part is pretty small" and between us we basically begged her to give me more to do and she said I could help with the interactive part, which already has 2 people doing it.
She seems to have taken the parts I thought I was doing and split them between herself and the rest of the group, leaving me with a few minutes of talking at most. So I am currently doing about 10% of the presentation when everyone is meant to be doing 25%.
The script she sent out has me covering 1 discussion point (not even a particularly large one) and nothing else.
I sent it to our mutual friend who said "yeah, your part is pretty small" and between us we basically begged her to give me more to do and she said I could help with the interactive part, which already has 2 people doing it.
She seems to have taken the parts I thought I was doing and split them between herself and the rest of the group, leaving me with a few minutes of talking at most. So I am currently doing about 10% of the presentation when everyone is meant to be doing 25%.
You need to put your foot down, and pronto. Tell her that you insist upon an equal distribution of the presentation. Talk to the rest of the group and make sure they are all in support of this. If she refuses to co-operate, go to your lecturer. It's your grade at stake here, and you've got to stand up for yourself against bigots like that.
If she can cause harm to your grade and is trying to do so then don’t give her an inch. I despise religions because of this and so would recommend not caring about her here and just making sure you get to do your fair part. If she has a problem with you then that is her problem to deal with.
Can’t you as a group overrule her and assign yourselves fair parts?
Can’t you as a group overrule her and assign yourselves fair parts?
Me and mutual friend got her to let me help with the interactive bit but it was like getting blood out of a stone. The 4 in the group are me, religious girl, mutual friend, and another girl who's basically her bff. Best case scenario would probably be 2 people on my side, with me being one of them. What would the lecturer actually do in this situation?
Original post by RV3112
You need to put your foot down, and pronto. Tell her that you insist upon an equal distribution of the presentation. Talk to the rest of the group and make sure they are all in support of this. If she refuses to co-operate, go to your lecturer. It's your grade at stake here, and you've got to stand up for yourself against bigots like that.
Original post by Anonymous
Me and mutual friend got her to let me help with the interactive bit but it was like getting blood out of a stone. The 4 in the group are me, religious girl, mutual friend, and another girl who's basically her bff. Best case scenario would probably be 2 people on my side, with me being one of them. What would the lecturer actually do in this situation?
If you can prove she is doing this because of her religious reasons then she is discriminating against your sexuality. Her religious freedom will not be able to impede on your freedom with sexuality. Religious people get freedom to an extent just like everyone, but when it starts impacting on someone that is where the line is drawn.
Original post by Anonymous
Me and mutual friend got her to let me help with the interactive bit but it was like getting blood out of a stone. The 4 in the group are me, religious girl, mutual friend, and another girl who's basically her bff. Best case scenario would probably be 2 people on my side, with me being one of them. What would the lecturer actually do in this situation?
Well the university is required to ensure you aren't being discriminated against, so they will do something if you tell the lecturer. They can't figure out what they can or should do if you don't tell them though, and they generally have much more limited options retroactively than if they know before an assessed piece of work is submitted/completed.
Lecturer/module leader needs to deal with this. It’s harassment and she needs telling. Also, I really don’t see why there has to be anyone in the group assigning roles to anyone else. It’s work together on equal footing with lecturer overseeing.
Best sort it now or it will keep happening.
Best sort it now or it will keep happening.
Original post by Bio 7
If she can cause harm to your grade and is trying to do so then don’t give her an inch. I despise religions because of this and so would recommend not caring about her here and just making sure you get to do your fair part. If she has a problem with you then that is her problem to deal with.
Can’t you as a group overrule her and assign yourselves fair parts?
Can’t you as a group overrule her and assign yourselves fair parts?
I don't have anything against religions myself, I jsut try to avoid them. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, had to lowkey do conversion therapy when I got outed, and ever since my stance has sort of been "you stay in your lane I'll stay in mine" when it comes to any sort of religion.
In the group the mutual friend is on my side and her and the fourth person in our group are on her side. The mutual friend offered to give me some of her stuff to discuss but then we get about 35% to split between us and we need to be doing 25% each.
Original post by Anonymous
Me and mutual friend got her to let me help with the interactive bit but it was like getting blood out of a stone. The 4 in the group are me, religious girl, mutual friend, and another girl who's basically her bff. Best case scenario would probably be 2 people on my side, with me being one of them. What would the lecturer actually do in this situation?
For the most part, groups would be expected to work together as adults, and to resolve any problems among themselves.
However, this is a different situation, You are directly being discriminated against because of your sexual orientation. If the distribution of work is as obviously uneven as you say, this discrimination will be obvious and needs to be reported. I don't expect that you will actually need to do this. These people are usually complete cowards, and will usually back down under the threat of reporting her. However, the time for niceties has long passed.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I don't have anything against religions myself, I jsut try to avoid them. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, had to lowkey do conversion therapy when I got outed, and ever since my stance has sort of been "you stay in your lane I'll stay in mine" when it comes to any sort of religion.
In the group the mutual friend is on my side and her and the fourth person in our group are on her side. The mutual friend offered to give me some of her stuff to discuss but then we get about 35% to split between us and we need to be doing 25% each.
In the group the mutual friend is on my side and her and the fourth person in our group are on her side. The mutual friend offered to give me some of her stuff to discuss but then we get about 35% to split between us and we need to be doing 25% each.
I’d go to the lecturer. As I said before, she can’t just discriminate against you and expect to be untouched by her bigotry. I have no patience for religious people that do this. If you want to believe that stuff I’ll put up with it and avoid you, but when they push it into other people’s faces they can f**k off with their discrimination, their freedom isn’t more important than someone else’s.
Original post by Tiger Rag
I would be tempted to just email the lecturer and say something.
I am really tempted. But I'm not very confrontational as a person and I rang her a little while ago and she basically said to me that she divided it up the way she has because she didn't think I'd want to do anything as last year I made an effort to avoid public speaking things but I said I'm fine with it and she said to mutual friend that it's because she doesn't want to work with me now she knows about me but she told me that she's willing to tell the lecturer that she was worried I'd choke in a presentation and bring the whole group down, which would never happen.
We had one like that in my class who thought that university was for the young ones. He would refer to my age on more than one occasion.
I didn’t bother going to the lecturer. I just asked him if he would like to meet my son who is in the Army and is 6ft.3.
Someone else in the class reported him.
I didn’t bother going to the lecturer. I just asked him if he would like to meet my son who is in the Army and is 6ft.3.
Someone else in the class reported him.
It doesn't matter what she says she'll do, what matters is that you bring it to the lecturer's attention ASAP. If you say nothing, then the lecturer can't do anything, and you can't let something stupid like this screw up your degree. You're gonna have to help yourself here, sitting back and hoping it'll turn out okay isn't going to help, unfortunately. Sometimes a bit of confrontation is required. :/
You have the right to be recognised for the work you've done and if someone is jeopordising that you have to stand up for yourself to make sure that you are heard. It's especially bad that she's treating you this way because of her own dumb ideas and while it's her right to have a problem with it, it's your right to not feel victimised by her idiocy. You've handled the situation way better than I would have by not getting annoyed at her but it is time for you to do something, tell her that you want to do more in the presentation, no buts. If she still causes a fuss tell your lecturer, I guarantee you her homophobia will not reflect well on her if it's literally giving you grief in class, that's ridiculous
Original post by Anonymous
I am really tempted. But I'm not very confrontational as a person and I rang her a little while ago and she basically said to me that she divided it up the way she has because she didn't think I'd want to do anything as last year I made an effort to avoid public speaking things but I said I'm fine with it and she said to mutual friend that it's because she doesn't want to work with me now she knows about me but she told me that she's willing to tell the lecturer that she was worried I'd choke in a presentation and bring the whole group down, which would never happen.
It’s always best to cover yourself though, because you won’t know whether another situation might arise and if your faculty are aware of this individual, then they can monitor it. The lecturer and module leader need to have a formal conversation with her regarding the university’s policy and rules on behaviour towards other students. When it’s your grades and future at stake, I wouldn’t hold back.
Original post by Anonymous
she told me that she's willing to tell the lecturer that she was worried I'd choke in a presentation and bring the whole group down, which would never happen.
It's time to call her bluff then. No lecturer is going to take that excuse seriously when it comes to a group presentation that is supposed to be split into equal parts. You've tried to resolve it quietly, but it hasn't worked. Give her one last chance to back down, and then send your lecturer an e-mail with all the details of the discrimination this evening. You do not deserve to be treated this way.
Not seeing lecturer again until Monday. How does this sound?
Hi [lecturer name]
I want to bring to your attention some issues I'm having with a fellow student in my presentation group. [religious girl name] has recently found out that I am in a relationship with another woman, and opposes it on religious grounds. When you requested we each appoint someone in our group to split responsibilities between us all, she did not know, and now she does she has asked me to present 1 of the 10 topics that we have to discuss, which gives me a total of 3 minutes speaking time out of the 30 minutes you have allotted us total. I have a fellow student [mutual friend's name] who discussed this with [religious girl] who can vouch that [religious girl] admitted that she no longer wishes to work with me due to discovering my sexual orientation. I do not wish to cause strife, but I also do not want my grade to suffer due to her prejudices. I have made an equal contribution to the preparation of the presentation as the others in my group, and only want to see it through by contributing my fair share to the presentation. What would you suggest?
Thanks, [my name]
Hi [lecturer name]
I want to bring to your attention some issues I'm having with a fellow student in my presentation group. [religious girl name] has recently found out that I am in a relationship with another woman, and opposes it on religious grounds. When you requested we each appoint someone in our group to split responsibilities between us all, she did not know, and now she does she has asked me to present 1 of the 10 topics that we have to discuss, which gives me a total of 3 minutes speaking time out of the 30 minutes you have allotted us total. I have a fellow student [mutual friend's name] who discussed this with [religious girl] who can vouch that [religious girl] admitted that she no longer wishes to work with me due to discovering my sexual orientation. I do not wish to cause strife, but I also do not want my grade to suffer due to her prejudices. I have made an equal contribution to the preparation of the presentation as the others in my group, and only want to see it through by contributing my fair share to the presentation. What would you suggest?
Thanks, [my name]
Original post by Anonymous
Not seeing lecturer again until Monday. How does this sound?
Hi [lecturer name]
I want to bring to your attention some issues I'm having with a fellow student in my presentation group. [religious girl name] has recently found out that I am in a relationship with another woman, and opposes it on religious grounds. When you requested we each appoint someone in our group to split responsibilities between us all, she did not know, and now she does she has asked me to present 1 of the 10 topics that we have to discuss, which gives me a total of 3 minutes speaking time out of the 30 minutes you have allotted us total. I have a fellow student [mutual friend's name] who discussed this with [religious girl] who can vouch that [religious girl] admitted that she no longer wishes to work with me due to discovering my sexual orientation. I do not wish to cause strife, but I also do not want my grade to suffer due to her prejudices. I have made an equal contribution to the preparation of the presentation as the others in my group, and only want to see it through by contributing my fair share to the presentation. What would you suggest?
Thanks, [my name]
Hi [lecturer name]
I want to bring to your attention some issues I'm having with a fellow student in my presentation group. [religious girl name] has recently found out that I am in a relationship with another woman, and opposes it on religious grounds. When you requested we each appoint someone in our group to split responsibilities between us all, she did not know, and now she does she has asked me to present 1 of the 10 topics that we have to discuss, which gives me a total of 3 minutes speaking time out of the 30 minutes you have allotted us total. I have a fellow student [mutual friend's name] who discussed this with [religious girl] who can vouch that [religious girl] admitted that she no longer wishes to work with me due to discovering my sexual orientation. I do not wish to cause strife, but I also do not want my grade to suffer due to her prejudices. I have made an equal contribution to the preparation of the presentation as the others in my group, and only want to see it through by contributing my fair share to the presentation. What would you suggest?
Thanks, [my name]
I would additionally mention that you personally have tried to resolve the issue with her informally on a few occasions and you have had no success. Otherwise, i think this is great.
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