Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

tips on being better at talking to people?

specifically someone you're crushing on? I'm a 21 year old girl who is generally quite shy but I also have pretty bad social anxiety. Around my friends I am loud and funny but around new people I'm a mess. I hardly ever start a conversation with new people and I can't even make eye contact. Two months ago a new guy started at work and I thought he was really attractive but I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I'd tell myself I was going to talk to him every time I saw him but then whenever I was near him I would just freeze up and feel like I was going to have a panic attack (kinda pathetic I know)

Anyway a few days ago he actually approached me and asked me how I was and we spoke a bit but only about work. I can tell he is quite a shy person too and there were a few awkward silences. Does anyone have any ideas on what I could talk to him about? I never know how to bridge that gap between acquaintances and good friends. I want to feel comfortable around him because I know thats when my personality comes across best but I just struggle so bad to make conversation and find myself stuttering and running out of things to say :frown:

Reply 1

Plus7

I need this advice too. When you're like us you're invisible. Extroverts literally will just pass us by because they think we're not interested. But it's quite the opposite, when someone engages us we can get really into it. But yeah, they don't take the time. Gr.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I FEEL you. Sorry this isn't helpful. But you aint alone...

Reply 3

Zasty

Ask random questions, the less you have to talk the better!
EDIT:
- Do questions like:

Do you feel...?
What do you think about...?

I like to use leading questions such as:

Don't you think that...?
... Don't you think?

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 4

Plus7

Original post by Zasty

Ask random questions, the less you have to talk the better!

This is good for the short term. People love to talk about themselves and it shows you're interested. Then you can build on that and open up!

Reply 5

medicmae

I know the feeling, I used to be extremely quiet around work friends and stuff and would only approach them to ask them advice on work stuff or say a quick hello at the beginning of my shift. Like everybody else said, try asking general questions to spark up conversation. My go-tos are generally 'how's your week going/ how was the weekend?' Or stuff like 'done anything nice this week?'. It's a good way to find out what the other person does day to day, and what they're intersted in. I discovered that me and my co-worker both have a shared interest in psychology after she told me that she is training to be a councellor! Wishing you the best of luck though! I know it's really difficult.