Sleeping with your flatmate- now what do I do? Watch

CGJ34
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Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am very much aware of the number one rule at uni - don’t get with your flatmate.

As soon as I moved into my halls, I knew I liked one of the guys that I was living with, (we even pulled a couple times within the first week). During freshers week, we became so much closer to each other and ended up becoming really good friends, but nothing more happened. I was aware that he was beginning to maybe start to like me more the friends from what people in the flat had told me and from what he even told me, saying that he really fancied me, but I didn’t let on.

We had several nights and days together where we just doing everything together, like staying up late talking or going for drinks together. We even used to go out on nights out together, but because we were just friends used to pull other people all the time.

At some point during our third or forth week our flat were on a night out and we all had a bit to drink. Everyone kinda got separated so it ended up just myself and this guy in the club, we were sat together in the taxi, and he held my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. We kissed, then went back to his room and basically, we broke the ultimate rule and slept together.

Now, things are not awkward AT ALL between us, and we’ve done other stuff since and no doubt (even if we say it’s not going too) it will probably happen again, but I genuinely really like this guy.

I’ve told him how I feel, I told him that I do really like him and how I understand that he doesn’t want a relationship and he replied with I really do like you and feel the same way but it’s uni and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he wants to be with other girls, I understand this but i don’t want to be used as 'friend with benefits'. I genuinely think he might like me and he just doesn’t want a relationship during uni. But when/if he does get with other girls it’s going to hurt me so much.

Anyone got any advice please help!!
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MrMusician95
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#2
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#2
Then move on, find someone who does want a relationships. This whole 'it's uni so I don't want to be in a relationship' is a pile of bs.
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MathsLove
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(Original post by CGJ34)
Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am very much aware of the number one rule at uni - don’t get with your flatmate.

As soon as I moved into my halls, I knew I liked one of the guys that I was living with, (we even pulled a couple times within the first week). During freshers week, we became so much closer to each other and ended up becoming really good friends, but nothing more happened. I was aware that he was beginning to maybe start to like me more the friends from what people in the flat had told me and from what he even told me, saying that he really fancied me, but I didn’t let on.

We had several nights and days together where we just doing everything together, like staying up late talking or going for drinks together. We even used to go out on nights out together, but because we were just friends used to pull other people all the time.

At some point during our third or forth week our flat were on a night out and we all had a bit to drink. Everyone kinda got separated so it ended up just myself and this guy in the club, we were sat together in the taxi, and he held my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. We kissed, then went back to his room and basically, we broke the ultimate rule and slept together.

Now, things are not awkward AT ALL between us, and we’ve done other stuff since and no doubt (even if we say it’s not going too) it will probably happen again, but I genuinely really like this guy.

I’ve told him how I feel, I told him that I do really like him and how I understand that he doesn’t want a relationship and he replied with I really do like you and feel the same way but it’s uni and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he wants to be with other girls, I understand this but i don’t want to be used as 'friend with benefits'. I genuinely think he might like me and he just doesn’t want a relationship during uni. But when/if he does get with other girls it’s going to hurt me so much.

Anyone got any advice please help!!
I have seen a lot burning stories like this- all I can say is inconsiderate and cruel world

I hope you find your way
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hunfilm
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he literally said to your face he wants to be with other girls this is tragic
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CGJ34
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(Original post by MrMusician95)
Then move on, find someone who does want a relationships. This whole 'it's uni so I don't want to be in a relationship' is a pile of bs.
I know it’s just more difficult that we’re living together
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CGJ34
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(Original post by MathsLove)
I have seen a lot burning stories like this- all I can say is inconsiderate and cruel world

I hope you find your way
I know it happens all the time, just not nice when it happens to you, thank you
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Foggel
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Get with someone who does want a relationship, unfortunately you will have to go through the pain of not being able to be with that guy but you knew what you were getting into when you slept with him. Good luck nonetheless.
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guacamolee
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I think it's a shame that people refuse to have relationships at university but honestly if he's choosing to want to get with loads of other random girls on nights out over a potential stable relationship with you - is he that worth it anyway? Is that the sort of mindset you want from a partner? That he's giving up these other opportunities to be with you? I'd be straightforward with him, if you're not looking to be with me then I'm sorry but nothing can happen between us at all. Keep it platonic. He'll be the one losing out.

Hope it sorts itself out x
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Smooshy duckling
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#9
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Just think about it... don’t care how hard being together is, nothing is worse than being apart.If he does get a girl you might fing one too. That doesn't mean the he doesn't like u .
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gjd800
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You aren't sleeping with my flatmate...
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a_k_123
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i mean the guy literally spelt it out for you what more evidence do you want, im sorry i know you like him and im sure he likes you too but he does not want a relationship you, you knew that from the go. respect his choice and draw a line now dont go sleeping with him thinking he will come round to a relationship no he wont you'll just fall for him even more. Trust me if he wanted a relationship he would have, nothing to do with uni his just not ready his come to uni to enjoy himself as a single guy. Gurllll get out your feelings and go have fun plenty more guys that will actually want a relationship with you
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BFG9000
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good for you, you can probably push him to pay your rent
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fribz
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(Original post by CGJ34)
Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am very much aware of the number one rule at uni - don’t get with your flatmate.

As soon as I moved into my halls, I knew I liked one of the guys that I was living with, (we even pulled a couple times within the first week). During freshers week, we became so much closer to each other and ended up becoming really good friends, but nothing more happened. I was aware that he was beginning to maybe start to like me more the friends from what people in the flat had told me and from what he even told me, saying that he really fancied me, but I didn’t let on.

We had several nights and days together where we just doing everything together, like staying up late talking or going for drinks together. We even used to go out on nights out together, but because we were just friends used to pull other people all the time.

At some point during our third or forth week our flat were on a night out and we all had a bit to drink. Everyone kinda got separated so it ended up just myself and this guy in the club, we were sat together in the taxi, and he held my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. We kissed, then went back to his room and basically, we broke the ultimate rule and slept together.

Now, things are not awkward AT ALL between us, and we’ve done other stuff since and no doubt (even if we say it’s not going too) it will probably happen again, but I genuinely really like this guy.

I’ve told him how I feel, I told him that I do really like him and how I understand that he doesn’t want a relationship and he replied with I really do like you and feel the same way but it’s uni and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he wants to be with other girls, I understand this but i don’t want to be used as 'friend with benefits'. I genuinely think he might like me and he just doesn’t want a relationship during uni. But when/if he does get with other girls it’s going to hurt me so much.

Anyone got any advice please help!!
Doesn't sound like him being your flatmate is the problem rather that he doesn't want something serious. You've been at uni for what a couple months haha just chill out and enjoy the ride, if you don't want an FWB thing with him then be clear and move on
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999tigger
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#14
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#14
(Original post by CGJ34)
Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am very much aware of the number one rule at uni - don’t get with your flatmate.

As soon as I moved into my halls, I knew I liked one of the guys that I was living with, (we even pulled a couple times within the first week). During freshers week, we became so much closer to each other and ended up becoming really good friends, but nothing more happened. I was aware that he was beginning to maybe start to like me more the friends from what people in the flat had told me and from what he even told me, saying that he really fancied me, but I didn’t let on.

We had several nights and days together where we just doing everything together, like staying up late talking or going for drinks together. We even used to go out on nights out together, but because we were just friends used to pull other people all the time.

At some point during our third or forth week our flat were on a night out and we all had a bit to drink. Everyone kinda got separated so it ended up just myself and this guy in the club, we were sat together in the taxi, and he held my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. We kissed, then went back to his room and basically, we broke the ultimate rule and slept together.

Now, things are not awkward AT ALL between us, and we’ve done other stuff since and no doubt (even if we say it’s not going too) it will probably happen again, but I genuinely really like this guy.

I’ve told him how I feel, I told him that I do really like him and how I understand that he doesn’t want a relationship and he replied with I really do like you and feel the same way but it’s uni and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he wants to be with other girls, I understand this but i don’t want to be used as 'friend with benefits'. I genuinely think he might like me and he just doesn’t want a relationship during uni. But when/if he does get with other girls it’s going to hurt me so much.

Anyone got any advice please help!!
Think you are kidding yourself and protecting your own wishes onto things. Hes not that into you.
I expect your other flat mates will already know.
At least you told him and you got an answer.

You are a flatmate with benefits on the back burner. I suppose theres a chance he might change his mind, but saying he wants to be with others when you have laid it on a plate for him isnt very encouraging for you. If you carry in sleeping with him then make sure you can deal with it.

Hes obviously going to get with other girls and tbh it should have been one of the things you considered before sleeping with him. It would hurt less if you hadnt.

My advice is dont sleep with him again and get on with things. You might meet someone else you like and it will just turn into a fresher thing. Id be more concerned at not letting it spoil the flat dynamic or your first year. I dont think hes interested now or after uni and you arent facing up to that.

These things happen, just have to move on.
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MonteCristo
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#15
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Stop giving this guy what he wants - or at least keep it infrequent. Actively look for someone else and don't bother being discreet about it. If this guy likes you at all then - as soon as there's a competitor on the scene - he'll be felled and find himself chasing you. Then you can decide whether you're more interested in this guy or the new one. Isn't this part of the fun of the first year??
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marrimerro
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Move on. Harsh but true. Know your worth. He doesn't want anything. You'll find someone who does. Focus on yourself, sure you made some nice memories but its in the past now. And don't sleep with him again. You'll be setting yourself up for pain
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arigziegler
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Don't do this to yourself.
One of my best uni mates did exactly what you did for the entire 3 years of our degree, it was a mess.
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Mr.M84
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#18
(Original post by CGJ34)
Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am very much aware of the number one rule at uni - don’t get with your flatmate.

As soon as I moved into my halls, I knew I liked one of the guys that I was living with, (we even pulled a couple times within the first week). During freshers week, we became so much closer to each other and ended up becoming really good friends, but nothing more happened. I was aware that he was beginning to maybe start to like me more the friends from what people in the flat had told me and from what he even told me, saying that he really fancied me, but I didn’t let on.

We had several nights and days together where we just doing everything together, like staying up late talking or going for drinks together. We even used to go out on nights out together, but because we were just friends used to pull other people all the time.

At some point during our third or forth week our flat were on a night out and we all had a bit to drink. Everyone kinda got separated so it ended up just myself and this guy in the club, we were sat together in the taxi, and he held my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. We kissed, then went back to his room and basically, we broke the ultimate rule and slept together.

Now, things are not awkward AT ALL between us, and we’ve done other stuff since and no doubt (even if we say it’s not going too) it will probably happen again, but I genuinely really like this guy.

I’ve told him how I feel, I told him that I do really like him and how I understand that he doesn’t want a relationship and he replied with I really do like you and feel the same way but it’s uni and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he wants to be with other girls, I understand this but i don’t want to be used as 'friend with benefits'. I genuinely think he might like me and he just doesn’t want a relationship during uni. But when/if he does get with other girls it’s going to hurt me so much.

Anyone got any advice please help!!
Unfortunately you both want different things, so it is better you move on or you will get hurt.
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ridaa.xx
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all i can say is

yikes
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harry.styles
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(Original post by CGJ34)
Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am very much aware of the number one rule at uni - don’t get with your flatmate.
Just for the record the number one rule at Uni is: empower yourself by becoming articulate, competent, and learning to think.
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